This is a hauntingly beautiful song about introspection, specifically about looking back at a relationship that started bad and ended so poorly, that the narrator wants to go back to the very beginning and tell himself to not even travel down that road. I believe that the relationship started poorly because of the lines:
"Take me back to the night we met:When the night was full of terrors: And your eyes were filled with tears: When you had not touched me yet"
So, the first night was not a great start, but the narrator pursued the relationship and eventually both overcame the rough start to fall in love with each other:
"I had all and then most of you"
Like many relationships that turn sour, it was not a quick decline, but a gradual one where the narrator and their partner fall out of love and gradually grow apart
"Some and now none of you"
Losing someone who was once everything in your world, who you could confide in, tell your secrets to, share all the most intimate parts of your life, to being strangers with that person is probably one of the most painful experiences a person can go through. So Painful, the narrator wants to go back in time and tell himself to not even pursue the relationship.
This was the perfect song for "13 Reasons Why"
Part of me won't go away
Every day, reminded how much I hate it
Weighted against the consequences
Can't live without it, so it's senseless
Wanna cut it out of my soul
And just live with a gaping hole
Take control of my life
And wash out all the burnt taste
I made the problems in the first place
Hang my head low 'cause it's part of me
You hardly see right next to the heart of me
Hurting me, the wounds soon scar
New cuts cover where the old ones are
And now I'm sick of this
I can't stand the sandpaper thoughts
That grate on my sanity
I'd rather not even be
Than the man that's staring in the mirror through me
Cut myself free willingly
Stop just what's killing me
Cut myself free willingly
Stop just what's killing me
Cut myself free willingly
Stop just what's killing me
Cut myself free willingly
Stop just what's killing me
I feel it every day
I feel I'm in my way
I feel it swell up inside, swell up inside
Swallowing me
Freedom can be frightening if you've never felt it
Once it's been dealt with you feel like
You've been touched by something angelic
And then melted down into a pool of peace
Cease to be the animal you used to be
Remove the broken parts you know were wrong
And feel the calm when the problem's all gone
And then you start to see
Another piece of yourself that you can't let be
Memories of the last fight to free yourself
Taken to the depths of the bottom of the well
And now you know that you can choose to lose
The part in your heart where your insides bruised
You can live if you're willing to
Put a stop to just what's killing you
Cut myself free willingly
Stop just what's killing me
Cut myself free willingly
Stop just what's killing me
Cut myself free willingly
Stop just what's killing me
Cut myself free willingly
Stop just what's killing me
I feel it every day
I feel I'm in my way
I feel the swell up inside, swell up inside
Swallowing me
Alive in me, inside of me
A part of me screams as I wait silently
Alive in me, inside of me
A part of me screams as I wait silently
This part of me won't go away (alive in me, inside of me)
(A part of me screams as I wait silently)
Part of me won't go away (alive in me, inside of me)
(A part of me screams as I wait silently)
Mmm, mmm, yeah
Everywhere I look around
I see how everything ought to be
Every time I see myself
There's always something wrong with me
Everywhere I look around
I see how everything ought to be
Every time I see myself
There's always something wrong with me
I feel it every day
I feel I made my way
I feel it swell up inside, swell up inside
Swallowing me
I feel it every day
I feel I'm in my way
I feel it swell up inside, swell up inside
Swallowing me
I feel it swell up inside, swell up inside
Swallowing me
I feel it swell up inside, swell up inside
Swallowing me
Every day, reminded how much I hate it
Weighted against the consequences
Can't live without it, so it's senseless
Wanna cut it out of my soul
And just live with a gaping hole
Take control of my life
And wash out all the burnt taste
I made the problems in the first place
Hang my head low 'cause it's part of me
You hardly see right next to the heart of me
Hurting me, the wounds soon scar
New cuts cover where the old ones are
And now I'm sick of this
I can't stand the sandpaper thoughts
That grate on my sanity
I'd rather not even be
Than the man that's staring in the mirror through me
Cut myself free willingly
Stop just what's killing me
Cut myself free willingly
Stop just what's killing me
Cut myself free willingly
Stop just what's killing me
Cut myself free willingly
Stop just what's killing me
I feel it every day
I feel I'm in my way
I feel it swell up inside, swell up inside
Swallowing me
Freedom can be frightening if you've never felt it
Once it's been dealt with you feel like
You've been touched by something angelic
And then melted down into a pool of peace
Cease to be the animal you used to be
Remove the broken parts you know were wrong
And feel the calm when the problem's all gone
And then you start to see
Another piece of yourself that you can't let be
Memories of the last fight to free yourself
Taken to the depths of the bottom of the well
And now you know that you can choose to lose
The part in your heart where your insides bruised
You can live if you're willing to
Put a stop to just what's killing you
Cut myself free willingly
Stop just what's killing me
Cut myself free willingly
Stop just what's killing me
Cut myself free willingly
Stop just what's killing me
Cut myself free willingly
Stop just what's killing me
I feel it every day
I feel I'm in my way
I feel the swell up inside, swell up inside
Swallowing me
Alive in me, inside of me
A part of me screams as I wait silently
Alive in me, inside of me
A part of me screams as I wait silently
This part of me won't go away (alive in me, inside of me)
(A part of me screams as I wait silently)
Part of me won't go away (alive in me, inside of me)
(A part of me screams as I wait silently)
Mmm, mmm, yeah
Everywhere I look around
I see how everything ought to be
Every time I see myself
There's always something wrong with me
Everywhere I look around
I see how everything ought to be
Every time I see myself
There's always something wrong with me
I feel it every day
I feel I made my way
I feel it swell up inside, swell up inside
Swallowing me
I feel it every day
I feel I'm in my way
I feel it swell up inside, swell up inside
Swallowing me
I feel it swell up inside, swell up inside
Swallowing me
I feel it swell up inside, swell up inside
Swallowing me
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The Night We Met
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I think much like another song “Anti-Matter” (that's also on the same album as this song), this one is also is inspired by a horrifying van crash the band experienced on Nov 3, 2022. This, much like the other track, sounds like it's an extension what they shared while huddled in the wreckage, as they helped frontman Garrett Russell stem the bleeding from his head wound while he was under the temporary effects of a concussion. The track speaks of where the mind goes at the most desperate & desolate of times, when it just about slips away to all but disconnect itself, and the aftermath.
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Jane's Addiction vocalist Perry Farrell gives Adam Reader some heartfelt insight into Jane’s Addiction's hard rock manifesto "Mountain Song", which was the second single from their revolutionary album Nothing's Shocking. Mountain song was first recorded in 1986 and appeared on the soundtrack to the film Dudes starring Jon Cryer. The version on Nothing's Shocking was re-recorded in 1988.
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Gentle Hour
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This song was originally written by a guy called Peter Gutteridge. He was one of the founders of the "Dunedin Sound" a musical scene in the south of New Zealand in the early 80s. From there it was covered by "The Clean" one of the early bands of that scene (he had originally been a member of in it's early days, writing a couple of their best early songs). The Dunedin sound, and the Clean became popular on american college radio in the mid to late 80s. I guess Yo La Tengo heard that version.
Great version of a great song,
No Surprises
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Same ideas expressed in Fitter, Happier are expressed in this song. We're told to strive for some sort of ideal life, which includes getting a good job, being kind to everyone, finding a partner, getting married, having a couple kids, living in a quiet neighborhood in a nice big house, etc. But in Fitter, Happier the narrator(?) realizes that it's incredibly robotic to live this life. People are being used by those in power "like a pig in a cage on antibiotics"--being pacified with things like new phones and cool gadgets and houses while being sucked dry. On No Surprises, the narrator is realizing how this life is killing him slowly. In the video, his helmet is slowly filling up with water, drowning him. But he's so complacent with it. This is a good summary of the song. This boring, "perfect" life foisted upon us by some higher powers (not spiritual, but political, economic, etc. politicians and businessmen, perhaps) is not the way to live. But there is seemingly no way out but death. He'd rather die peacefully right now than live in this cage. While our lives are often shielded, we're in our own protective bubbles, or protective helmets like the one Thom wears, if we look a little harder we can see all the corruption, lies, manipulation, etc. that is going on in the world, often run by huge yet nearly invisible organizations, corporations, and 'leaders'. It's a very hopeless song because it reflects real life.
awesome song....