"The Stand Up Comic's Instructions" as written by and Paul John Weller....
Get 'em laughing - keep 'em there,
You hold your own and they'll hold their's,
Hold their glasses - can't hold their beer
Tell 'em the one about the fucking queer.
Do the one that always works,
'Bout the lazy blacks that don't like work,
And once you got 'em, keep 'em there
Raise their spirits! Raise their cheer!

Do that one that never fails,
'Bout the gang of white thugs and the Asian male,
And once you got 'em, they'll be with you!
See this lot's loyal, through and through.

Tell Irish jokes and you can't miss,
Do the building site one and how they're all thick.
Keep 'em laughing - you'll have it made,
We're a friendly lot and you'll be well paid.

But keep 'em laughing don't let it stop
Or the truth might catch up and spoil the plot.

Lyrics submitted by redmax

"The Stand Up Comics Instructions" as written by Paul John Weller

Lyrics © Universal Music Publishing Group

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The Stand Up Comic's Instructions song meanings
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  • +1
    General CommentThis track is only on the British version of Our Favorite Shop because it was deemed racist. Which is sad because it's clearly denouncing it.
    Kenichion February 02, 2009   Link
  • +1
    General CommentIt's akin to Pink Floyd's Welcome to the Machine. It's a tongue-in-cheek indictment of racist joke routines. More brilliant weller.
    sonsoon April 03, 2012   Link
  • 0
    General CommentLenny Henry is brilliant as lead vocalist. Tells of the horrors of getting laughs by making a fool of your fellow man because of his/her race, colour and creed. This song always makes me laugh, especially when you think how politically correct we are nowadays.
    joeschiavoneon February 28, 2006   Link
  • 0
    General CommentThe song is about a stereotypical racist/homophobic overly nationalist comedy act and how Paul thinks its cliche and low brow to even consider doing an act so played out on top of the fact of it being just wrong.
    Neonsolidon June 22, 2008   Link

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