Owen Meaney

@ vicolina<br /> I find the idea of a parallelism between Owen and Derrick Plourde an interesting thought - and the way you explain it, I can definitely see where you're coming from -, but the song was released in 1998, some seven years before Derrick committed suicide. Still, I wonder what singing this song may have felt like to Joey Cape after 2005.<br /> <br /> At the time (of the album release), Joey talked about the song (and the lyrics on the album in general) in an interview he gave to the French magazine 'Rock Sound'. I don't have my copy of it anymore, and unfortunately I don't remember what he did say in particular. Maybe somebody else will someday read this and post a translation ;) I think I remember he was in sort of a sombre mood - not sombre really, that sounds too dark (though the Agent Orange album 'Living in darkness' (Everything turns grey) is quite dark, too, as are other songs on the Lagwagon album) - more like someone who's gone through some experience/period of reflection that made them grow or deepen their grounding within themselves maybe, if you can see what I'm trying to say. In other words, he came off like the topics dealt with on that album were very close to his heart, or like he was strongly affected by them until he wrote about them.<br /> <br />

• • • • • • • -<br /> <br /> I haven't read the book (yet) - as far as the lyrics go, [edit: here's the book I've ended up writing about them LOL]<br /> <br /> "Uncertainty A foundation built on nothing I could see"<br /> I like this, because it rings true to me as a very good description of what faith is/takes (this can be a freeing thought, or a disappointing one, depending on your expectations and what you take from any 'answers' you've encountered). You cannot be certain, because then, in some way or other, you would have 'knwoledge', not 'faith'. A leap of faith is a step into uncertainty, it is an emotional/spiritual/... act, built on something that can be sensed but not necessarily seen. You cannot know what's going to happen, so you can only have faith.<br /> <br /> "secure in your immaculate PERception"<br /> (Immaculate CONception is a dogma (at least in Catholicism, which was my confession as a child) that the Virgin Mary was kept free of original sin from the moment she became pregnant.)<br /> This sounds like a comment on institutionalised religion (or people following their religion in a more rigid way, like a rulebook for life rather than a spiritual experience with 'God'), and on how, from such a perspective, everything falls neatly into a perfect order; black and white, everything is very simple and straight-forward; the self-righteous attitude that may derive from such an understanding of the world. The (illusion of) safety, or the feeling of comfort, this brings.<br /> (From what I know of the story in the book, if this was meant to be John's voice, the intention would probably be different, probably more positive?)<br /> <br /> "the last resort I thought I'd ever exercise"<br /> Somebody speaking who didn't use to have faith, certainly not in the way they described in the line above; maybe even thought that was a very childish, weak or idiot thing to have. Sometimes people suddenly turn to this last resort in times of trouble, or on their death bed, even if they spent their lives 'not believing' or 'not practicing', and would never have thought they would someday change their view on such matters. <br /> <br /> This may be what happened to whoever is the voice in this song - they've ended up grieving, and in grief came to understand (or, not...) what 'faith' is.<br /> <br /> 'But faith is just a silent tribute', I take it as it's something you carry with(in) you all the time. It makes some people go missionary, but more generally, and first of all, it is something personal, something you can feel in your heart. So it is a beautiful silent thing (when I have faith, or can feel my faith, I feel at peace in my heart - I prefer to refer to it as 'life', but it works for the monotheistic religions too since they all ask you to let God into your heart and God is sometimes referred to as life itself). If you understand it as a feeling of thankfulness for life, this gratitude in your heart would be like a silent tribute (to the gift of your life, that of others, that of people you miss). It is also an expression of trust - this trust comes from the gratitude towards life, from good experiences in the past and an optimistic outlook on the future and your fellow human beings. Hence, it is something you give.<br /> <br /> 'Mine is just a desperate act / Give him back / I owe him'<br /> is the very opposite of that silent tribute - instead, this is a 'faith' that doesn't trust or want to wait in uncertainty. It is a faith that demands (even if, here, the reason is a nice one, 'I owe him' - it is still a very egocentric perspective, if you want to be very harsh ;)).<br /> <br /> 'Throw me a line / I'll suspend my disbelief and concede following your lead'<br /> It goes on. I think of the opening line of the song. If 'it' throws a line, it's not faith anymore, it's knowledg'. The voice has learned that 'faith is a silent tribute', but the actual practice is very different from that. And I think the voice is aware of this.<br /> <br /> It is interesting to see this change towards the conclusion of the song:<br /> 'MY faith is a silent tribute'<br /> I think now it has changed, the practice/understanding of faith has changed. There follows a realisation again: 'This is just a desperate act' And again I think that has changed, too. The desperate act is not faith itself (which is now 'my' faith), but the act of 'holding on' - holding on the idea that someone/something must be given (back, to 'me'). More generally, holding on to hard feelings, a hurt attitude, negative thoughts, things that end up holding you down and back. Faith, again as in the first line of the song, is about 'letting go' (not as in giving up, of course :)). ('why do I confine when all I want is release', Drink Deep, Rites of Spring)<br /> <br /> I find it interesting that there are many examples of people who underwent great hardship, hit rock bottom and returned grounded and stronger (mentally, or in their heart, not in an agressive sense), much more in sync with life, inspiring and positive to others. Be that religeous or historical figures, or people you've known in your own lives. People whose drive and goodness, whose courage and supportiveness have deeply impressed you; people that, you can feel it around them, are simply 'with themselves', at home in their heart. Even though they come with a story that might have broken others or left them angry and bitter.<br /> <br /> Maybe it's because they've been to a very dark place, of desperation. A 'desperation that took me home', home to myself, to discover something deep inside myself. Call it 'God', 'Life', 'Self', or simply an instinct that guides you, helps you be a gentle person to others and gives you a sense that your life is worth living... whatever. If you feel it, hold on to it, it's very good.<br /> <br /> Check out the lyrics to 'Better Sense' by Hot Water Music (album: Forever and counting), I think you'll see where I'm coming from :) 'When the truth begins to show, man will be a living soul' (Love is the heart of everything, Dog Faced Hermans)