The song lyrics were written by the band Van Halen, as they were asked to write a song for the 1979 movie "Over the Edge" starring Matt Dillon. The movie (and the lyrics, although more obliquely) are about bored, rebellious youth with nothing better to do than get into trouble. If you see the movie, these lyrics will make more sense. It's a great movie if you grew up in the 70s/80s you'll definitely remember some of these characters from your own life. Fun fact, after writing the song, Van Halen decided not to let the movie use it.
I'll see you at the Weighing-In,
When your life's sum-total's made.
And you set your wealth in Godly deeds
Against the sins you've laid.
And you place your final burden
On your hard-pressed next of kin:
Send the chamber-pot back down the line
To be filled up again.
And the hard-headed miracle worker
Who bathes his hands in blood,
Will welcome you to the final "nod"
And cover you with mud.
And he'll say, "You really should make the deal,"
As he offers round the hat.
"Well, you'd better lick two fingers clean
He'll thank you all for that."
As you slip on the greasy platform,
And you land upon your back,
You make a wish and you wipe your nose
Upon the railway track.
While the high-strung locomotive,
With furnace burning bright,
Lumbers on you wave goodbye
And the sparks fade into night.
And as you join the Good Ship Earth,
And you mingle with the dust,
You'd better leave your underpants
With someone you can trust.
And when the Old Man with the telescope
Cuts the final strand
You'd better lick two fingers clean,
Before you shake his hand.
When your life's sum-total's made.
And you set your wealth in Godly deeds
Against the sins you've laid.
And you place your final burden
On your hard-pressed next of kin:
Send the chamber-pot back down the line
To be filled up again.
And the hard-headed miracle worker
Who bathes his hands in blood,
Will welcome you to the final "nod"
And cover you with mud.
And he'll say, "You really should make the deal,"
As he offers round the hat.
"Well, you'd better lick two fingers clean
He'll thank you all for that."
As you slip on the greasy platform,
And you land upon your back,
You make a wish and you wipe your nose
Upon the railway track.
While the high-strung locomotive,
With furnace burning bright,
Lumbers on you wave goodbye
And the sparks fade into night.
And as you join the Good Ship Earth,
And you mingle with the dust,
You'd better leave your underpants
With someone you can trust.
And when the Old Man with the telescope
Cuts the final strand
You'd better lick two fingers clean,
Before you shake his hand.
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"There's a part - 'Cash in now honey, cash in Miss Smith.' Miss Smith is my Mother; our last name was Smith. Cashing in when she cashed in her life. So... she decided that, to her... at that time, she was desperate. Life wasn't worth it for her, that was her opinion. Some people think, never take your life, and some people find that their life isn't worth living. She was in love with my Dad, and my Dad was not faithful to her, and it broke her heart. She was very desperate and she did something that I know she regrets."
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This is a sequel to 2001's "Reckless Abandon", and features the band looking back on their clumsy youth fondly.
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Same ideas expressed in Fitter, Happier are expressed in this song. We're told to strive for some sort of ideal life, which includes getting a good job, being kind to everyone, finding a partner, getting married, having a couple kids, living in a quiet neighborhood in a nice big house, etc. But in Fitter, Happier the narrator(?) realizes that it's incredibly robotic to live this life. People are being used by those in power "like a pig in a cage on antibiotics"--being pacified with things like new phones and cool gadgets and houses while being sucked dry. On No Surprises, the narrator is realizing how this life is killing him slowly. In the video, his helmet is slowly filling up with water, drowning him. But he's so complacent with it. This is a good summary of the song. This boring, "perfect" life foisted upon us by some higher powers (not spiritual, but political, economic, etc. politicians and businessmen, perhaps) is not the way to live. But there is seemingly no way out but death. He'd rather die peacefully right now than live in this cage. While our lives are often shielded, we're in our own protective bubbles, or protective helmets like the one Thom wears, if we look a little harder we can see all the corruption, lies, manipulation, etc. that is going on in the world, often run by huge yet nearly invisible organizations, corporations, and 'leaders'. It's a very hopeless song because it reflects real life.
Just A Little Lovin'
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I don't think it's necessarily about sex. It's about wanting to start the day with some love and affection. Maybe a warm cuddle. I'm not alone in interpreting it that way! For example:
"'Just a Little Lovin’ is a timeless country song originally recorded by Eddy Arnold in 1954. The song, written by Eddie Miller and Jimmy Campbell, explores the delicate nuances of love and showcases Arnold’s emotive vocals. It delves into the universal theme of love and how even the smallest gesture of affection can have a profound impact on our lives." https://oldtimemusic.com/the-meaning-behind-the-song-just-a-little-lovin-by-eddy-arnold/
From a Tull website:
When you lick two fingers clean, you then rub them against your thumb to clean off the dirt. This gesture symbolizes "money" or "pay me", which is what organized religion is saying to the masses, else they wind up on your back run over by a train. In other words, pay the church, or have problems.
This song is one of Ian's many critiques against the church, especially the Catholic Church.
"Weighing-in": Refers to our death and judgment.
"Place your final burden on your hard-pressed next of kin": The Catholic practice of buying absolvances to get the dead from Purgetory into Heaven.
"Send the chamber pot back down the line to be filled up again": Tithing and offerings, though the collection plate being a chamber pot shows just how Ian feels about this practice. ;)
"Hard-headed miracle worker": A priest.
"'You really should make the deal'": Comparing a priest's/pastor's attempts to get a person to join a church to a business deal.
"You'd better lick two fingers clean": As the earlier person said, this is making the "pay up" gesture.
The next few lines refer to a person dying, using imagery from Locomotive Breath.
"You'd better leave your underpants with someone you can trust": Once again referring to Absolvances. This time telling you to make sure someone who will pay for them knows just how many you need.
"And when the Old Man with the telescope cuts the final strand you'd better lick two fingers clean, before you shake his hand.": "Old Man with the telescope" is God, and "cuts the final strand" is death. It says that you have to pay up before you can meet God.
I think this song is about a person's death. The weighing in is when he arrives in heaven. What does his life amount to? You better leave your underpants with someone you can trust refers to embarassing parts of your life. Meaning they had better be secured. When the old man cuts the strand, refers to Death ending your. When that happens you better lick your fingers before you shake his hand. I think this means that you had better remove the sins and dirty aspects of your life before you have to meet Death.
I'm not buying any of the current explanations about licking two fingers clean. I'm still cogitating on that one.
And I don't agree that this is so specific to the Catholic Church and their particular practices as one person claimed.
But overall it is obviously about religion and death. I rather felt the "chamber pot" might be our earthly bodies, which return to dust and might be recycled to hold another soul later, if souls exist. I think "the hard-headed miracle worker who bathes his hands in blood" is obviously God, the guy who can foresee everything and has unlimited power to fix anything, yet lets little kids get shot in random drive-by shootings. He's just sticking stubbornly to a plan, I guess, right?
The "old man with the telescope" is also God, once again watching and knowing everything but remaining distant and uninvolved.
I think the "deal" in this song is not so much a matter of money, but of belief. Believe in God -- without the clear proof He could effortlessly provide -- and get your ticket to heaven. Some philosopher once pointed out that by believing in God, whether God exists or not, you have nothing to lose and everything to gain. That assuming God does not actually hate gullible people, I guess.
It seems clear this song is about the Final Judgement and how you may be judged worthy of Heaven based upon your life.
I reckon Ian was making some sort of reference to his own generation and the ambivalences concerning two fingers as a symbol of peace or aggression or whatever else. In Scotland showing someone two fingers the wrong way is offensive.