Wicked Game

This song is one of the saddest love songs ever written and has a uniquely personal aspect for me. It is a about a forbidden relationship. He knew he should not get involved from the outset. He knew that loving her has gotten people nothing but heartache. He knew he shouldn't fall for her, but he couldn't help himself. He loved her. He loved her all the way. The heart wants what the heart wants. She WANTED him but doesn't love anyone but herself. She used his love to get what she wanted while she wanted it - for fun, and left him with nothing but a broken heart when he was all used up. But still, he would rather have loved her briefly than not at all. Such is love.

For me, the woman (a coworker) seduced me over the course of a year until I could think of nothing else (hands on my thigh under the table at happy hours, whispering sexual comments in my ear, touching me inappropriately in the office, coming in on weekends when no one else was there to flirt with me). This song would play in my car and all I could see was her naked with me in passion. I was a fool and she kindled a desire that I have never felt in my life. We went out one Saturday when my wife was away, we made love and I was hooked. I tried not to fall in love, but she became my soul-mate (I found out later it was an act). We traveled the world, I fell head over heals for her and I left my family. With two failed marriages and a host of short-term relationships under her belt before age 32, I knew she was trouble. Loving her has gotten men nothing but heartache, but I thought I was special. I could sense danger from the moment I met her, but I was up to the challenge (so I thought). I tried not to so hard, but I couldn't help myself. I loved her more than anything else in the world.

When things finally got serious (no more world travel, I was working on a divorce, I had to watch my son 3-4 days per week) and things weren't as much fun anymore, she took the first chance she got to leave me high and dry. Just a couple little mistakes and we were done. We didn't even have a conversation after 3.5 years. She broke up over text and started dating other people before I even had the chance to get ahold of her.

I knew what I was dealing with going in (she was flirting with me while she was in a relationship with someone else, after all). She is in to fun and excitement, but she doesn't love people, just how they make her feel. I ruined a perfectly good marriage for "love" as I thought it. She was happy to let me believe we were the ones for each other, but when the moment of truth came, she split. When we met again, it was as if we had never known each other and she never felt anything at all for me.

I knew this girl was only gonna break my heart - but I loved her and I lost a more than a relationship. I lost a wife and son. She played a wicked game. She let me feel this way. She let me dream of her. She drove me wild, used my heart against me and broke it into a million little pieces when she was done. I never loved someone so much in my life - but truth be told, I knew it was probably a mistake. Strange what desire will make foolish people do indeed. But for the love I felt - I would take the risk. I blamed myself for a while, but shame on her for letting me fall for her only to crush my soul when I needed her the most. It is a crime beyond denunciation.