Regis Dundoniensis
Furor Apocalyptus
Magus Calamitosus
Bellis Intergalactus

Ancient cosmic wormhole
Chaos lord arise

I have arrived from the future
Into a terrible past
Chaos and war on the plains of Dunkeld
The armies of darkness amassed

Is this a twisted dimension?
Is this true reality?
A symbol of evil is flying once more
Above the proud spires of Dundee

A burning black sun
The siege of Dunkeld has begun
Defeat of the ancient town is nigh
In Hoots We Trust

Horrifying fecal demons
Rising up out of the caverns below
Dark robotic astral zombies
Eating the peasants who live in Glasgow
Siege engines of hell's creation
Blasting the walls with unholy fire
Undead forces marching onward
Army of evil so tragic and dire

Look up to the sky
A glorious battlecry
The forces of justice call his name

In Hoots We Trust
By the power of the Holy King of Unst
For the Glory of Dundee
To win this epic battle, in his power we must trust to set us free
Confutatis Maledictis Caledoniae
In Hoots We Trust


I am the Bane of Cowdenbeath
The Scourge of Auchtermuchty
Arch-Foe of the Questlords of Inverness
Come face me in battle, Angus
And prepare to meet thy doom!

Your dark dominion has corrupted Dundee
With a swing of my hammer I'll end this misery

Legendary battle
Epic war is fight

What mystic enchantment has Zargothrax spun?
My weapon has no effect this fight can't be won

Pathetic mortal scum!
In this dimension, your hammer has no power over me
Now, kneel before your Emperor
Kneel before...YOUR GOD!

The wormhole had transported Angus and Zargothrax to an alternate dimension! And somehow, Zargothrax had materialized at an earlier point in time, letting him conquer the entire Kingdom of Fife with nothing to stand in his way. With his Hammer of Glory unable to channel the powers of this universe, Angus could not defeat the evil wizard in combat, and was forced to retreat from the battle. Even with their mysterious battle-prayers to The Hootsman, the resistance armies had no chance. From a hiding place in the hills above Dunkeld, he watched in horror as Zargothrax's army slaughtered the inhabitants of the city, the final holdout against the forces of evil. Angus could not believe his eyes when he realized who was commanding the armies of was none other than Ser Proletius, the Grand Master of the Templar Knights of Crail! What terrible enchantment had led the alternate-universe version of this noble warrior to fight on the side of Zargothrax?!

Lyrics submitted by BreezyDragon

The Siege of Dunkeld (In Hoots We Trust) Lyrics as written by Christopher Bowes Benjamin Lasey Turk

Lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC

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