This song is about a gay couple trying to hide their relationship. Our singer is in love with Dave. He's presumably bi.
There's multiple allusions to being in the closet. "You can do it in a closet" "And then what, back to the closet?"
They're very afraid of how people will react to their relationship. "But if someone sees you,/You might as well pack your/Bags and leave the country." "But if a bank robber caught you/He'd call the police."
"And then what, back to the closet?/No, there must be some safe hole we can go/And do what we do in God's sweet peace/And on a Friday have a coffee and talk about the week." They want to 'leave the closet' and be able to be lovers without it being some huge secret or big deal.
"Many blatant signs of nefarious areas,/If you do see a human being/Go somewhere scarier." More of them trying to stay hidden.
"This is the life and there is no solution/Until somebody forms us and institution/Where the me's and the you's and the everybodys/Can go do this shit without having to worry." Because of his interest in both Dave and his girlfriend, the "me's" are bisexuals and the "you's" are the homosexuals. The "everybodys" are the rest of the LGBT+ community.
"Well you love her,/Been relationshipping for a year/And you're never gonna cheat/So have no fear my love, it's okay." Despite his interest in Dave, he tries to stay loyal. He cares about her, but his forbidden desires are overpowering this affection he feels for her.
"I know you had a dream that he was cheating on you,/Don't cry, but please scream." "Please scream" suggests that their sexual life is not as pleasing as either of them really hoped for.
"But oh dear, who's here but that girl you imagined/When you're shaking up yourself to Jasmine and Aladdin fantasies./You're rubbing, and the lamp's gonna thank you/By showing you the genie, man/But you forgot the tissue." He's talking about masturbation. A stunning girl just came in and he's turned on. (More proof he's bi)
"And you love your man Dave,/The beer was free and splendid,/But you kept it pretty distant that you're happily girlfriended." He loves Dave, but he feels responsibility for his girlfriend.
"You try and squeeze it in before the inevitable,/Puts his hand on your balls,/And dips you in some hot sauce/And then orders you a six course meal of unnecessary heart ache,/Too late you already pinched her ass/And told her that she looks great." Dave acts as his wingman and persuades him to approach the girl.
"Ring ring, no answer,/You're screwed man, it's way too late./it's comes down to a choice that you've already made,/Cause you're a slave to the power of the red dressed dame." He's cheated on his girlfriend and it's over between them.
You need Dave's help, but he's done done enough,/See this was no coincidence,/Dave set this up." He tries to rely on Dave for more help, but Dave wanted them to break up so that they could be together instead.
"You're angry and you're happy/And you don't know what to say." He's a bit angry because he tried so hard to make his relationship with his girlfriend work, but he's also relieved because he couldn't keep up the act. Hes glad he can be with Dave, and that he can be a little more open about his sexuality.
"Dave whispers in your ear/'You can use my place'" they end up together. The singer stays at Dave's house and they form a relationship.
cuteliaron February 20, 2016 Link
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