The Simple Plot of Metal Gear Solid

Hello, and welcome back to another episode of Talking Video Games. We continue today in our series of games with simple plots. Guests, please introduce yourselves and tell us the plots of your games.
I'm the chef from Burger Time! I make-a the burgers!
Hello, I'm Centipede. I just kinda move down the screen.
Hey, I'm Snake from Metal Gear Solid. My game's got a pretty simple story.
Snake, I don't see your name on the list...
Ah, my friend Cloud Strife told me to come on this show and talk about it...
Oh God, no...
It was the distant future, 2005
All I wanted to do was chill out and retire
But genetically-enhanced renegades named FOXHOUND
Stole a bunch of nukes and had shit on lockdown
(Okay, we're past our time limit, Snake)
Colonel Campbell said I had to infiltrate
Before they start a nuclear conflict
What a bunch of jerks
(You're a bag of dicks)
I climbed through an air vent and saved two guys
They shared top secrets and suddenly died
Of two heart attacks right out of thin air
All within five minutes
(Oh my God, I don't care)
Then I met Meryl, a hot box of rocks
And fought a gunslinger named Ocelot
But a cyborg ninja cut his hand away
You know, normal shit that happens every day
Listen Snake, there must have been a mistake
On this show you've got to get right to the point of the game
Like the ship from Galaga
Hi, I shoot stuff in space
And this car from Pole Position
I'm a car!
That's great!
You know we've been through this before
With your boy Cloud Strife
When he talked too long
I contemplated ending my life
So let's keep things nice and simple
Like the hero over there, from the Atari Game Adventure
I'm literally just a yellow square!
(Who cares?)
I tried really hard to find a mech named Rex
And the ninja came back in the mix like Chex
It was Grey Fox and I fought Vulcan Raven
A big motherfuckin' Alaskan shaman
So I killed that guy, but before he died
He said Meryl liked me, I almost cried
She's a little hottie pants, ooh-meow!
(It would be so great if you died right now...)
I killed Sniper Wolf who was absurdly hot
And then murdered three guys and an evil robot
'Til Liquid Snake and I were left alone
He said that I was his brother and a superior clone
Then he died of a virus and thinking fast, Meryl saved us
(I don't give a frog's fat ass)
Then we stayed together until the seven-year itch
And now you know the simple plot of Metal Gear, bitch!
Listen Snake, I've taken all I can take
Just because a game is simple doesn't mean that it's lame
Tell them, kid from Paperboy
Yo, I deliver those papes!
The guy from Elevator Action!
Uh, elevators? (Okay!)
Dear God, why can't I just have a single panel of guests
Who can say their plots in 40 fuckin' minutes or less?
Now just watch me Snake, before you make me reach for my gun
I'll summarize your game and show you how this shit is really motherfuckin' done
How it's motherfuckin' done
You sneak around and save the world, the end. My God, can I get a replacement guest with a simple plot, please?
Hi, I'm Sora from Kingdom Hearts!
NooooOOOOO!