Numbers

I was sittin' in Friday's suckin' on a glass of wine

When in walked a chick who almost struck me blind

Had wet blue eyes and her legs were long and fine

On a scale of one to ten, I'd give her a nine.


Now on my scale there ain't no ten's, you know

Nine is about as far as any chick can go

So I flashed her a smile, but she didn't even look at me

So for brains and good judgement, I'd give her a three.


I said, "Hey sweet thing, you look like a possible eight

You and me could, uh! make eighteen, if your head's on straight."

She looked up and down my perfect frame

And said these words that burned into my perfect brain.


She said, well, another one of those macho-matician men

Kind who grade all women on scales of one to ten

And, you give me an eight, well, that's a generous thing to do

Now, let's just see, just how much I give you.


She said you comin' on to me with that phony numbers jive

Your style makes me smile, I give it a five

When you walked up I noticed that suit of (yores)

It's last year's double-knit frayed-cuffs, give it a four.


That must be your car parked out on the curb

That sixty-nine homemade convertible, a three and a third

Now, as for your build, I guess (yore) less than five

Except, for your pot belly, I'd give that a ten for size.


That wine you're pourin' might be fine to you

But I'm used to fine champagne, I give it a two

It's hard to tell what your flashin' smile is worth

I give it a six, you could use some dental work.


But, It's your struttin' rooster act that really makes me laugh

It may be a ten to these country hens, but to me a three and a half

And there really ain't much to add once the subtractin's done

Since there ain't no zeroes, I give you a one!.


She walked out, while up and down the line

The whole bar was laughin', said' Bare, what happened to your nine

Nine says I, hell soon as she started to talk I knew

She didn't have no class, I barely gave her a two.


Spoken:

Yeah! No matter how good they look at first

There's flaws in all of them

That's why on a scale of ten to one, friend

There ain't no ten.