XM@$ Lyrics
Gussied up with candy canes and balls
Those carollers have kept me up for hours
Its Merry Christmas seeping through my walls
But theres one damn holiday that I cant stand
It aint Halloween or Thanksgiving or even April Fools
But itll surely make a fool out of every man
You know where to stick those jingle bells
If I aint hammered it aint Hanukkah
And all you motherfuckers go to hell
If I aint cock-eyed it aint Quanza
Joy to the world of Jack & Cokes
If I aint drunk then it aint Christmas
Cuz I aint ever anything but broke
Full of empty pockets, thoughts and smiles
Just the smell of eggnog makes me vomit
And those colored lights are fucking infantile
Should rise against this corporate jolly noise
And tell the world lets buy some peace and quiet for a change
Before we spend it all on fucking toys
You know where to stick those jingle bells
If I aint hammered it aint Hanukkah
Fa-la-la-la-la GO FUCK YOURSELF
If I aint cock-eyed it aint Quanza
Joy to the world of getting stoned
If I aint drunk then it aint Christmas
So leave this god damn scrooge the fuck alone
Merry Fucking Christmas
"It's actually a song that I wrote four years ago just for a laugh," Taylor tells Kerrang! "But when I played it for all of my friends they were like, 'This is fucking brilliant'. For some reason my manager forgot that I'd written it, but then a few months ago he found the song and immediately went, 'We gotta release this in time for this Christmas', and I was like, 'Why the fuck not?'" "I wrote this song in my kitchen one winter, listening to people bitch about the holidays," Taylor explained. "Personally, I love the holidays, but they seem to bring on severe stress in most people. So, I wrote this in honor of crotchety, drunken bastards who don’t know the difference between a yuletide and a toolshed. Plus, I think it's funny. I bet the U.K. will too. They're some of my favorite people in the world."
Corey Taylor