Have One On Me

From the courtyard, I floated in
And watched it go down
Heard the cup drop
Thought, "Well
That's why they keep them around"
The blackguard sat hard
Down with no head on him now
And I felt so bad
'Cause I didn't know how to feel bad enough
To make him proud

By the time you read this
I will be so far away
Daddy longlegs, how in the world
Am I to be expected to stay?
In the night
In the night, you may hear me call
Pa, stay your hand
And steel your resolve
Stay where you are
So long and tall

Here's Lola, ta da
To do her famous Spider Dance for you
Lighten up your pockets
Shake her skirts and scatter there
A shrieking, six-legged millionaire with a blight in his sockets

Miss Montez
The Countess of Lansfeld
Appealed to the King of Bavaria
Saying, "Pretty papa
If you are my friend
Mister daddy longlegs, they are at it again
Can I see you?"

Poor Lola, a tarantula's mounting
Countess Lansfeld's
Handsome brassiere
While they all cheer

And the old king fell from grace
While Lola fled
To save face and her career

You caught a fly, floating by
Wait for him to drown in the dust
Drown in the dust of other flies
Whereby the machine is run
And the deed is done
Heaven has no word
For the way you and your friends have treated poor Louis
May God save your poor soul, Lola
(But there is nothing I adore
Apart from that whore's black heart)

Well, doesn't that just beat all
Miss Gilbert
Called to Castlemaine
By the silver dollar and the gold glitter
Well, I've seen lots
But never, in a million years
Would think to see you, here

Though the long road
Begins and ends with you
I cannot seem to make amends
With you, Louis
When we go out
They're bound to see you with me

At night, I walk in the park
With a whip
Between the lines
Of the whispering Jesuits
Who are poisoning you against me
There's a big black spider
Hanging over my door
Can't go anywhere, anymore
Tell me, are you with me?

I called to you, several times
While the change took place
And then arrived, all night
And I died
But all these songs
When you and I are long gone
Will carry on
Mud in your eye

You asked my hand
Hired a band
"In your heart is all that you need
Ask and you will receive" it is said
I threw my bouquet
And I knocked 'em dead

Bottle of white, bottle of red
Helpless as a child
When you held me in your arms
And I knew that no other
Could ever love me as you loved
Love me as you loved
But help me, I'm leaving

I remember everything
Down to the sound of you shaving
The scrape of your razor
The dully-abrading black hair
That remained
When you clutched at me
That night I came upstairs, half-dead
And, in your kindness
You put me straightaway
In the cupboard
With a bottle of champagne
And then, later, on a train

It was dark out, I was half-dead
I saw a star fall into the sky
Like a chunk of thrown coal
As if God himself spat
Like a cornered rat

I really want you to do this for me
Will you have one on me?

It was dark, I was drunk and half-dead
And we slept, knocking heads
Sitting up in the star-smoking air
Knocking heads like buoys

Don't you worry for me
Will you have one on me?

Meanwhile, I will raise my own glass
To how you made me fast
And expendable
And I will drink to your excellent health
And your cruelty
Will you have one on me?

Helpless as a child
When you held me in your arms
And I knew that no other
Could ever love me

From the courtyard, I floated in
And I watched it go down
Heard the cup drop
Thought, "Well, that's why
They keep them around"
The blackguard sat hard, down
With no head on him now
And I felt so bad
'Cause I didn't know how
To feel bad enough
To make him proud

Well daddy longlegs, are you?
Daddy longlegs, are you?
Daddy longlegs, are you proud?