The Newfie Wedding Song

She was an Italian girl from the west side of town
she looked lovely in a low cut wedding gown
all the Newfie boys they knew her name
but old Murphy’s boy loved her just the same

He’d grown up hard he’d grown up rough
he liked his pints ice cold and his meat to be tough
the youngest son his daddy’s pride and joy
he had laid out many an Italian boy

But lovers are lovers and all was pushed aside
when Vito’s daughter became a Newfie’s bride
the drink it flowed at the Rubina Hall
in between trips to the bathroom stall

chorus:
God blesses some on their wedding day
to others he closes his eyes to say
I give ye free will so now you’re on your own
cause I’ve got me a headache and I’m going home

If looks could kill the floor would be red
when a Newfie and Italian sharing the same bed
Toronto was not prepared for what was to come
at 1:30 am the fun had just begun

The sister of the bride had racked up quite a score
barman said she could have no more
he offered her coffee in its stead
and when he turned she broke a bottle on his head

Mr. Murphy had witnessed the affair
so he carried her screaming back to her chair
but the machismo of her brothers it was high
and the littlest one sucker punched him in the eye

(chorus)

So the room exploded and all jumped in the fray
the Italian girls in their mini skirts made many a Newfie’s day
the blood began to flow and the chairs began to fly
the maid jumped upon Mr. Murphy’s back to choke him with his tie

But Murphy was a rugged sort who paid her little mind
as he laid out all her brothers two and three at a time
then he paused to catch his breath and felt her hanging round
so he sent her thru the window into the center of town

Patrolman Jesse James had just begun his shift
and the illegal parked cars made his trigger finger itch
he saw her flying in a dumpster did she land
called the dispatcher and said ‘we’ve a problem on our hands’

(chorus)

So he made his way upstairs but when he got inside
a flying bottle of Sangria tore a gash underneath his eye
so he crawled to the radio said ‘officer needs a blow’
and the TPD said boys here we go

So the squad cars come rolling 5 at a time
and the cops came charging in and formed a picket line
they cut a swath thru the room and made a beeline for the bar
where a man was braining the band with a bass guitar

Soon Mr. Murphy was alone but still quite a load
a Newfie with a reason to explode
but a dozen cops they held his arms at bay
and with the help of hickory they took his fight away

(chorus)

That left no one standing and the groom fought his way inside
his men had locked him in the kitchen to keep his new in-laws alive
yet his loving bride had left and swore family revenge
and from that day on they never spoke again

I hear the marriage was annulled before the ink was dry
father McAndrew handled the paperwork thru a swollen eye
he said the Lord has his reasons for everything they say
but at least I laid a few out meeself that glorious day

So gather around people a story I do tell
bout a North Country wedding the combatants I know well
A Newfie and Italian stepped in that wedding ring
they made it a few hours, now that’s quite a thing

(chorus)