Madison House

Absolutely gorgeous and bittersweet, like real love.

"Madison House" by Chris Bathgate

I think he struggling with the relationship that he has planted himself firmly but uncomfortably. I think he is bargaining about his potential escape perhaps even at the altar of his own wedding, if only imagined for the moment.

"All our rows and tones are golden"

The song begins with a quiet but clear, metallic cutting noise that is a bit like nails on a chalkboard. Quickly, the slow, graceful canter covers the unsettling screechs with the preciousness and warmth of a young flower girl bringing smiles to the "golden rows and tones" of the occasion. Friends and family gather to celebrate the love the couple share now and forever. There is a bittersweet finality and yet indecision clear in his crooning which more like pleading for some understanding from himself or his bride to be.

"And every home we’ve known is sentenced"

Looking around, he is reminded of all marriages under one roof which have been sentenced to any number of hardships and failures. It seems doomed. Third person stories of suffering, screaming matches, separation, infidelity, deep loneliness and general strife plague his already active imagination represented by each smiling face.

"And I’m no asking you to change your name"

Perhaps the couple has even addressed many of the potential pitfalls of the tradition by not taking the same name. Yet he is wanting some vision of what that mean for them to be going into uncharted waters without the cold comfort of what they had seen in their own families.

"But I can’t leave you, I can’t leave you now"

He knows it is too late to turn and run. It would be too indecent and scandalous for his loved ones to deal with to stand her up amidst the decorum of his big day. He's missed his chance but feels that he really should have escaped when he had the chance. There is sense of impending events prohibiting him from changing his life's course now.

"I’ll cut away somehow"

Cajoling himself with some vague plan to separate is all he can muster as the sinking feeling begins to overtake him. Each beat of the song is one step closer to a done deal. He is stuck.

"Left a hole in the cold September dawn"

He can think back to all the fights and problems, any of which would have done. He thinks of only missed opportunities to flee, and yet his feet remain firmly planted where he stands. Perhaps, there is a particular morning that he knew was his big chance to get away from this whole mess and yet he didn't do it. He planned to leave in the cold autumn morning. He had placed himself there and then. But when he didn't come through for himself, there was a void where he belonged.

"On, the day I go"

What's a guy to do? He must just go with the day. If nothing else, a man is someone who follows through with his commitments.

"Its known to snow where I was born"

Thinking back to his childhood, the groom thinks back to his childhood home and the innocence of pure, white snow. The surreal quiet of a first deep snow speaks to the peace he needs in this moment. He must know that even from where and when he came from, there will be moments of beauty and peace to quiet everything in his world. For those that grow up with winter snow, there is a magic and comfort in the white blanket that cover the earth that stays with them throughout their lives.

"And when approached all borders atone"

Moreover, all borders and sharp edges of the landscape are at peace with each other, maybe even forgiven by the snow. The cold, soft white atones everything it touches; if only for a brief moment, the world stops. He is soothing himself completely with these pristine memories. He, too, was once pure and full of magic.

"And I’m not asking you to save my place"

Recognizing that he cannot have his cake and eat it too, he cannot keep her to himself during his doubt and indecision. He will have to be willing to let her go if he yields to his fears about the ceremony and commitment. He is scared. And gearing up in his mind for something drastic, but only in his mind.

"But I can’t see you, I can’t see you now"

If only he could see her face and be flooded by how much he actually loves her and what she means to him. She is the one person that may be the strength he needs to steady his nervous, jack-rabbit heart.

"I’ll cut away somehow"

If only he could let the rabbit do what what he's designed to do: run and hide. He is running in his mind, already.

"Left a hole in the cold September dawn"

But he know that if he leaves the burrow that he's called home he is vulnerable. He is out in the open and liable to be hunted, and consumed by any number of different fates. It is the uncertainty that makes the rodent run. Severing this image from himself, the man he is, standing before God and all, he is set to carry on as he had said he would.

"On, the day I go"

He will honor his love and his bride, now and forever. He cannot run and hide. He is not a rabbit. Simply, he is in love. It is supposed to scare the hell out of you if it is real. Being afraid means that one is aware they are truly exposed. Vulnerable to the sundry pains and failures of deep relationships and true love, he is choosing love over fear.

Thank you,

-T