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Ace Insurance Man Lyrics
Two men sittin in straight back chairs
Feet propped up on the railing
Sitting in front of the country store
Discussing how the crops were failing
About that time a car drove by
With an Ace Insurance bumper sticker
Well that must be the man been courtin' Abell
He's something of a city slicker
(You can tell just from the way he's driving that car)
Do you reckon he's goin up to see Abell
You know her daddy went to Macon this day
And her momma's been in Arkansas with her ailin' pa
Ain't nobody home that way
(Ha ha, 'cept Abell!)
Now I don't mean nothing by what I say
But if you won't say it, I can
She ain't got no bid'ness alone
With that Ace Insurance man
(Why there's just no tellin' what might happen)
People ought to keep an eye on they're kids
You remember 'bout Abby MgGiunness
Why it, Lik'ta killed her ma when she found out about it
Course I know it ain't none of my bi'ness
But uh...well, if it was me. If it was me...
It might be too late and it would be a pity
Better call up the sherrif in Calhoun City
And have the preacher organize a 'vestigating comittee
To see whats going on
(Yessir. And we'd better hurry!)
Tearing down the road in a pickup truck
Whit Beg,ey out taking the lead
Followed by a tractor and a half lame mule
Dust flyin as they picked up speed
Faces beaming goodness and their jaws set hard
Good people just doing whats right
And off in the distance was Abell's house
And there wasn't a soul in sight
Aw, I could'a told you!
(Oh I just knew it!)
Now the gravel was flying as they turned the bend
And screeched to a grindin halt
They went thru the fence, into the flower bed
And hit pa's first-prize hog in the head
And left half a dozen mama's chickens for dead
But it wasn't nobody's fault
(Oh, look at Harvey's prize hog!)
(And all them darlin little old bandy chickens)
(We got more important things to tend to, boy!)
(I wonder if they're covered?)
Comittee bounded on the front porch
To meet the enemy face to face
But Abell yelled at 'em thru the screen door
"Y'all messed up my daddy's place!"
But in her hand she waved a policy
Saying with a Mona Lisa grin
"Well, y'all timed that one just about right
Cause Ace done struck again!"
Feet propped up on the railing
Sitting in front of the country store
Discussing how the crops were failing
With an Ace Insurance bumper sticker
Well that must be the man been courtin' Abell
He's something of a city slicker
You know her daddy went to Macon this day
And her momma's been in Arkansas with her ailin' pa
Ain't nobody home that way
But if you won't say it, I can
She ain't got no bid'ness alone
With that Ace Insurance man
You remember 'bout Abby MgGiunness
Why it, Lik'ta killed her ma when she found out about it
Course I know it ain't none of my bi'ness
But uh...well, if it was me. If it was me...
Better call up the sherrif in Calhoun City
And have the preacher organize a 'vestigating comittee
To see whats going on
Whit Beg,ey out taking the lead
Followed by a tractor and a half lame mule
Dust flyin as they picked up speed
Good people just doing whats right
And off in the distance was Abell's house
And there wasn't a soul in sight
Aw, I could'a told you!
And screeched to a grindin halt
They went thru the fence, into the flower bed
And hit pa's first-prize hog in the head
And left half a dozen mama's chickens for dead
But it wasn't nobody's fault
(And all them darlin little old bandy chickens)
(We got more important things to tend to, boy!)
(I wonder if they're covered?)
To meet the enemy face to face
But Abell yelled at 'em thru the screen door
"Y'all messed up my daddy's place!"
Saying with a Mona Lisa grin
"Well, y'all timed that one just about right
Cause Ace done struck again!"
I love this song. Makes me laugh every time I hear it. It's a little tongue and cheek slice of southern life, similar to other songs she wrote inspired by her Mississippi childhood.