Screaming at Forgotten Fears

I can feel the cold atmosphere through this song.

I think the strongest part here is “ may your reflection guide the blade.” Shit too real xasthy

First time I listened to this song, I felt something I hadn’t before, it gives me something I can’t really explain. I’ve enjoyed the black metal and DSBM genres for a while now, but there’s something particular about this song that I can’t find in any other black metal or DSBM projects. The lyrics, droning instrumental, pitch in vocals, it’s all very significant to the overall sound / ambience of this track (also considering how it differs from Screaming at forgotten tears in sound).

I’m aware of bias regarding my own interpretation or analysis of the lyrics, as a preface. I’m solely someone who has felt attachment to these lyrics. This may be on the nose, or rather too surface level but I believe it’s clear the lyrics are intended to be depicted as someone who is struggling with trauma (as with many of Xasthur’s works).

Furthermore, that trauma in which manifests as negative behaviours, whether self destructive or destructive to others.

“An exit made of your self destruction, may your reflection guide the blade.”

The exit, could be figurative, suggesting that the self destructive behaviour (could also mean self destructive in the sense that destructive behaviour toward others is self destructive) is the key to relieving the emotions connected to the lived traumatic experience.

Secondly, the blade, may be figurative or legitimate. It could easily be referring to the individuals callous actions akin to a blade, that they harm themselves and others like a weapon. It could also mean that they partake in legitimate acts of violence against others with a blade or directed toward themself in the form of self harm (which wouldn’t be the first appearance in Xasthur’s lyrics).

Of course, this is true that individuals can be provided a sense of control or comfort as a result of inflicting danger against others or themselves in whatever form.

I believe, again, that it’s clear this is the case considering the first lyric,

“A sinister telepathy is screaming at forgotten fears.”

This could mean that the ‘sinister telepathy’ is the urge to self destruct or perform destructive acts against others. It is SCREAMING at the ‘forgotten fears’, meaning that it is what combats the feelings that are as a result of trauma: insecurity, underlying rejection, abandonment etc etc.

In the simplest form, to regain a sense of autonomy or control over their own experience (In through projecting angry or destructive behaviour to override said underlying feelings > Screaming at forgotten fears).

My last point will be in dissecting the last lyrics,

“In your lost code of self knowledge, a mere entrance for evil to enter. The venom is hidden and the venom wears a mask (I serve myself upon the wings of pains affliction, unto thee). Disconnect from my state of being (and without a trace) it was my soul that murdered yours. That murdered yours.”

In my own understanding and personal perceptions, this is essentially the end stage of metamorphosis for this individual.

They have gone through introspection, rigorous thought, attempting to connect with oneself or others, and yet they may fall short leaving for their destructive behaviours to remain prevalent.

Or even, that it is of conscious understanding in the individual that they perpetuate behaviour in this manner (“Lost code of self knowledge” referring to a warped form of self knowledge, that they are essentially lost = morally wrong in their justifications or reasonings).

My favourite of the lyrics is last:

“ The venom is hidden and the venom wears a mask

(I serve myself upon the wings of pains affliction, unto thee).

Disconnect from my state of being (and without a trace) it was my soul that murdered yours. That murdered yours.”

With the context of what is previously mentioned, I believe the first section within this excerpt is obvious. The venom, of course being the individuals track record of destructive behaviour, which is similar to a venom in that it can be administered and used to harm (you could make the point that the individual was “bitten” and received the venom; perpetuating a cycle of violence).

The venom is then, hidden. Either because it reveals the underlying emotions in which the individual is trying not to be aware of, or in a more literal sense, hiding the destructive patterns gives the individual a sense of normalcy in interactions with others and in their perception of themself. > in turn, masking a part of themself or masking the destructive behaviour.

The text in parentheses afterwards goes into a related subject, the question of what the individual gets out of it is answered. That they actively serve themselves in the actions against others, the individual serves themselves in their needs when forming destructive patterns against others (unto thee).

It could also be a small reference to the understanding of “pains affliction” (I assumed this due to the usage of the word wings, it’s very specific in choice and it has clear connection to it being used as a way to propel oneself in flight or forward). Meaning that they are well versed in this experience, it becomes second nature to administer it as they once received it (perhaps, it was used in that same context when receiving it: their perpetrator used it as a means of fulfilling needs for themself).

Lastly,

“ Disconnect from my state of being (and without a trace) it was my soul that murdered yours. That murdered yours.”

This is in clear reference to the understanding of themself and their position, the individual has reached the end of this transformation and becomes aware. They have disconnected entirely from themselves as a result, either in alienation or through the means of themselves not serving as a comfort throughout their trauma (victims of trauma often experience severe disconnection from their bodies as a source of comfort or pleasure).

They have in a sense reached a period of dissociation, either in that they cannot connect to their actions, themselves, others, or that they are aware and stating it (acknowledging their dissociation).

And as a result of the dissociation, it was “without a trace” that they were able to commit to their behaviours, it can’t occur to them as something abnormal or something to be connected to (in the moral or emotional sense). They have entirely disconnected from themselves, others, and their actions which makes it that much more easy to act upon. They are, in a way, entirely dislodged from the basis of reality.

Within the end, they commit a form of murder. Maybe not legitimate in that they commit an act of homicide but that they harm others on the level of their soul, something very deep and profound in which it affects them (as a result of not being aware of the gravity of their actions, being disconnected from themselves and the other person). This line is repeated for emphasis.

That is my analysis, give or take the bias. Regardless, this is one of my favourite songs and I’m very glad I came across it. Really, it’s open to interpretation.