I was having a bad week – I crashed the car and the cat carked it
Weighed myself outside Woolies and I’d put on 4 kilos

Arranged to meet an old friend for coffee
I poured my heart out – told her all about
Poor dead fluffy, and the bloody car, and did she think I should go on a diet?

She studied my face, trying to frame the words to say
Just the right blend of sympathy and advice
She took a big breath.
And looked into my eyes and she said:

You should go on Australian Idol!
Even if you don’t win, you’ll have a great time.
Don’t worry that you don’t look like a supermodel
They’re even letting fatties on there now so you should be fine.

I said ‘Thanks, I feel a lot better now’
Then I erased her number from my phone
I didn’t know how much we’d grown apart.

The very next day was my birthday.
No one called, except my grandma
And she was drunk, she just needed a lift home from the pub

Then that Sunday night, I went to dinner with my rellies
They said ‘Happy Birthday! Do you mind if we put the tv on?
It’s nearly the final of Australian Idol and

You should go on Australian Idol
You’re much prettier than her – she looks like a pudding
‘You’ll win it no worries love’ said my uncle
And I just turned and looked at him like he was something that I stood in.

And don’t get me wrong – if I turn on the tv and it’s on
I can’t stop watching. Even with the ads
Even with those two dickheads blabbing on between songs
I love to see their spirits crushed, their egos shattered
I love the ones that really suck in the first auditions
I love to watch them sob, their dreams in tatters
And I laugh while I eat my dinner
They’re crying in their 5-star hotel, and I’m cackling on my cack-brown couch
And it’s not that I am jealous, I’m not jealous, I’m not jealous.
The next Sunday, I had a pretty bad hangover

Feeling pretty grumpy
Sitting on the couch, eating Pringles feeling sorry for myself.
I flipped to Channel 10 and before I knew it I was watching a really short guy
Singing that really annoying song by Craig David.

Suddenly I rose to my feet – it must have been divine intervention
I saw the light in front of me, and I screamed!

Why am I watching Australian Idol? (God!)
Am I really reduced to this pitiful state? Jesus!
I may as well just head down to my local karaoke bar
Or better still just change to SBS.
You better believe it – I changed to SBS
So Marcia, Dicko, whatever your name is…
Shove it up your ass!

Lyrics submitted by songster101

Australian Idol song meanings
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  • +1
    General Commentdoes anyone know where i can find this song??
    drowningxdollieon January 14, 2008   Link
  • 0
    General CommentA very funny song in concert by Kate; one of her most popular songs. It's about the Australian version of 'American Idol'. Marcia (Hines) and Dicko (Ian Dickinson) are two of the original judges.

    the cat carked it = the cat dropped dead
    Woolies = Woolworths supermarket
    my rellies = my relatives/family
    cack-brown couch = couch the colour of animal poo
    songster101on April 03, 2007   Link
  • 0
    General CommentI loved this song when i saw her live.
    HugsHoneyon June 28, 2007   Link
  • 0
    General Commentloved it on Rock Wiz
    So glad 'Little Eve' has given us more Kate
    stanagleon September 22, 2007   Link
  • 0
    General Commentlyric corrections
    "Just the right blend of sympathy and advice"
    i am pretty sure it is empathy not sympathy......

    "Or better still just change to SBS.
    You better believe it – I changed to SBS"

    Correct lyric is Or better still just change to SBS.
    You better believe it – I changed to ABC

    Fantastic singer song writer. You can definatly see her influences..... My guesses are people like Tori Amos, Regina Spektor and Fiona Aplle etc etc....
    LOL i relate to that song How i loath Australian Idol yet somehow on a sunday night wen i have nothing better to do i still watch it...... Katie does well in pointing out supperficialities of society and how materialism consums as all.....
    HorRoRwithEyeBallson October 29, 2007   Link
  • 0
    General CommentI think this song is pretty self explanatory really. It's about a talented girl who wants to get recognized in the music business, but not through some cheesy game show.
    73on October 12, 2008   Link

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