You Can Make Him Like You

This song is very clearly calling society out for the cultural pressure on women to see themselves as secondary and how crappy it is to be that young woman who hasn’t yet convinced herself that she doesn’t have to filter her interests through a guy or rely on a guy to get what she wants. She can develop her own interests and handle herself. But when young women do this, we get a ton of shit for wanting to be capable in our own right.

If she’s interested in motorcycles, she doesn’t have to find herself a guy with a bike and ride on the back; she can go out and learn to ride. If she wants drugs, she shouldn’t be expected to sit back and let the dude pay and supply; she doesn’t have to owe a guy for providing the drugs, she can get her own. Or, she can buy for her and her guy. She can throw a party for her own friends and they can have inspiring conversations; house parties aren’t reserved for the guy’s guests, despite fraternity/sorority culture. She doesn’t have to be the passive party.

It’s crazy to me that so few of the comments pay attention to the last two stanzas. “They say you don't have a problem / Until you start to do it alone / They say you don't have a problem / Until you start bringing it home / They say you don't have a problem / Until you start sleeping alone”. In other words, no one gives her any guff for her interests when she’s allowing these guys to be the ones who get to take action while she sits back and chills, waiting passively. She’s a woman, so she’s allowed to sit back and remain inactive without comment. But when, as a young woman, you try to free yourself from the pressure to remain inert and unskilled and realize your interests for yourself, all of a sudden people hate on you like its their job. All of a sudden, your interests are so weird and problematic and fake and you get judgement from everyone and evverywhere. If you’re an accessory to a dude, your interests can be normal. If you’re independent, your interests are a problem.

There’s this pressure in society that encourages women and girls to leave skill development and leadership to men who will do the dirty work for them. But who wants to be the secondary character?

Let me tell you, it sucks to be a young woman who wants to help build the family cabin only to be told she can’t help because it’s a job for the men in the family. It sucks to grow up and have your father never think to teach you basic home improvement skills because you’re his daughter and not his son. It sucks to like motorcycles growing up and have men tell you you’re too small to pick one up, so you’ll never own one. It sucks to realize you never developed certain skills because all your life men around you were encouraging you to rely on them. When you start to insist on actually participating actively in your interests and learning skills, that’s when you get the push back from men who don’t want women in their domains. It really sucks. Society pats these young women on the heads and tells them not to worry their pretty little heads about X, because women aren't encouraged to be their own people,separate from men.