I believe this is another amazingly on point and nuanced commentary on the insanity that follows emotionally abusive relationships. The abuser has no anxieties, no emotional pain, or salience/memory for that matter, so the survivor appears to be the crazy one, obsessed with the abuse and that buzzword that seems to ignite arguments about diagnosing people without a degree, etc. funny how you say the words domestic violence, abuse, abuse survivor and boom the subject changes. Anyways, I especially relate to her midnights becoming afternoons, complex PTSD often leads to this phenomenon, whether due to purposeful sleep deprivation by the abuser, or just hyper vigilance associated with the PTSD, along with the fear of facing people, especially your loved ones, who Never actually understand, even if they try, because all they see is you, on fire, screaming about the arsonist that no one ever sees, and who has been spreading lies about your alleged mental instability, deceptive personality, etc. the whole time. While the last thing survivors need is more blame, our society supports a narrative that blames the objectively innocent party because the blatantly guilty party has spent their entire lives fabricating a persona and we’re just being human, and human psychology is quite counterintuitive especially in the context of trauma. Look at Amber Heard. Vilified and not believed, regardless of what any abuse survivor could recognize as a fellow survivor instantly. But Johnny depp is a malignant narcissist, a man, and wealthy as all get out. It’s sick.
The ghosts of my own song have names themselves no one
Run through the flowers they say
The hands of the dream wind that blows from beneath them
Circle the hours away
They offer a ride in their submarine dragonfly
Brought me inside to a chair in her head
The blind jester pilot, he smiles and he says that she knows where to go
As he lies down instead
I couldn't help noticing pilot began to dream
Started me wondering time of the day
The carousel sea horses picturesque circus dress flowing behind them
Began their display
The pantomime symphony slowly pretends to me
Stopped for directions out of my dream
Then one broke his silence, and pointed to me and said
Just like a timepiece, keep circling, circling
Blue for the sky
The world only turns from far away
Only blue from this high
It feels like flying
It feels like dying
Far and away, the icy Sun is on the rise
On the run
They're choking on the smoking gun
The swans have died
Tomorrow's finally come
The harlequin juggler in porcelain masquerade
Bicycle playing card joker in green
The jack rabbit rocking horse pendulate back and forth
Tick-tocking aperture carnival stream
Then came time in which i began wondering
The distance behind us inside of this dream
The blind jester pilot, he woke and he said to me
Just like the world, we keep circling, circling on
Just like the time circles on ...
Lyrics submitted by masonjason
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Matt Shadows their lead singer says the song was written as per request from the developers of Call of Duty: Black Ops 4. Watching the initial trailers for the game & looking at production sketches reminded him of the 'S-Town' podcast & its main protagonist, John B. McLemore. Matt also comments specifically on the lyrics: "I decided that the lyrics would shadow McLemore's life." In 2012, antiquarian horologist John B. McLemore sent an email to the staff of the show 'This American Life' asking them to investigate an alleged murder in his hometown of Woodstock, Alabama, a place McLemore claimed to despise. After a year of exchanging emails & several months of conversation with McLemore, producer Brian Reed traveled to Woodstock to investigate. Reed investigated the crime & eventually found that no such murder took place, though he struck up a friendship with the depressed but colorful character of McLemore. He recorded conversations with McLemore & other people in Woodstock. McLemore killed himself by drinking potassium cyanide on June 22, 2015 while the podcast was still in production. In the narrative of the podcast, this occurs at the end of the second episode; subsequent episodes deal with the fallout from McLemore's death while exploring more of McLemore's life & character.
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