Don't Blame Your Daughter (Diamonds)

The song reminds me a lot of my family when I was young. Perhaps if you have not had to deal with this sort of thing the song doesn't resonate and make as much sense to you. Let me try to explain how I see this song.

The first stanza sounds exactly like my dad growing up. His parents were really terrible, and I know it really messed him up. However, there is still a point where you are responsible for your own actions.

"And don't blame your mum For all that you've done wrong Your daddy's is not guilty You came out a little faulty "

I wish I could sing these words to him today. I remember hearing plenty of times how his parents abused him and each other, but it should never have been to lessen what he did/was doing to us, even if it was not as bad. It is their fault they abused him, it is his fault he abused us.

I am not sure what the island bit is about, maybe that is something Swedish that doesn't quite work over here. I'll spare the pointless conjecture. The whole cutting diamonds with a rubber knife deal is a bit unclear to me at this point, but I think it makes more sense later on.

The next verse is the sad present. She does not care about contact from him. His autograph is worthless, and in the context of letters it paints the picture that his words are meaningless and his "name" holds no credibility or sway. I know my dad said a lot of things growing up (good things and bad things), but a lot of it was meaningless; there is the whole adage about actions speaking louder than words. The same type of thing goes for the cash lyric: sending money now in no way makes up for what happened in the past. It is an insufficient apology. Have you had someone break something of yours, you got upset, and they offered to pay? I'm willing to bet that you didn't accept the money, as that wasn't the point. Imagine that on a deep, personal, and intensely important scale.

The second part of the verse is a bit obscure to me if looked at line by line, but taken as a whole it conveys a certain feeling. Apparently horse hair mattresses are a thing, but beyond that I don't know what that line could mean. But it does convey a sense that his current life is in shambles. A mattress with holes and lack of love? I know that my mom and dad split, and my dad did remarry (both him and my mom remarried on the same day- very strange coincidence). His new wife had kids from previous relationship(s). That relationship ended terribly: she was cheating on him with a guy she fell in "love" with and got pregnant with him, so she left my dad.

"What's left in your mattress Is holes and lack of love left Some hair from a horse And none of it is yours, man "

Again, it is obscure on a line by line basis to me, but perhaps now you can get the feeling I get when I hear it. He has a lot of pain and no family or kids, either that are his or that he takes care of as his own.

Now comes the bridge/chorus/whatever it is. When she says the song wasn't always in his head means that now he wishes to repair the relationship, set things right, etc., but his attitude of redemption, reconciliation, and love wasn't always his mindset. In the past he did not value their relationship. What he is trying to say now, but not able to fully express, is what he should have been doing all along.

Here we get a better view of the diamond concept. The words he is trying to say, what feelings he is trying to express, are like diamonds. Shiny, valuable, and precious among the rock and dirt. She tells him to go and pursue that, to work and try to find those right words and discover the ways to express his thoughts. But do not blame your daughter (the singer) in the process.

The idea of cutting diamonds, for a ring or necklace or what have you, is almost one of refinement. A raw diamond is lumpy and pitted and can look pretty much like a rock. When you cut it it becomes shiny and luminescent, catching the lights and reflecting them back. That is how they become what we value in our jewelry. Take this concept to the lines "You're cutting diamonds/With a rubber(y) knife". The man is trying to "cut" his thoughts to turn them from the lumpy, pitted ones he has into what we consider "diamonds", or valuable, but he is unequipped to be able to do so. He only has a rubber knife. This ties in to the first verse to paint a very sad picture. He very much wants to make things right, but he was not equipped by his parents to cut these diamonds, to be able to fix what he has messed up.

"And the song you sing today Wasn't always in your head The words you try to say Are the ones you should've said They're glistening like diamonds Go out and find them But don't blame your daughter "

The next verse is also the present, but first focusing on his future and then her present as a product of the past. It reads like there is a lot of anger. "Read me your tombstone", to me, is the idea that the man is looking towards his death and considering his legacy and his regrets. The singer is saying, "Look at your life and tell me you are sorry". The bit about the will... is hard to describe. Your parents are supposed to leave you with something. Their love, their acceptance, that nourishment that you should receive as you grow from a child into an adult. The, "You owe me something still" line shows she is stunted, crippled, or weakened in some way from not receiving that thing from her father. "Fax me your will/You owe me something still". It is interesting to point this out because previously she rejects his money. The difference, I think, is that the money was a way to try to reconnect and repay for what he did, like a meager peace offering, while this idea of inheritance is something that should have been given by right, because she was/is his child.

The part about the blood and the bath says something to me, but I am not positive that it is was the singer was conveying. I am not even sure if I can explain it properly, so bear with me. Growing up, he was my dad, and I was his son. Not by blood, but we took each other as if we were. "The bath that you poured me [of blood/relation]". Now that I am older, I am distant from him. I do not think him to be my father, not legally, nor de facto, nor by blood. "The bath that you poured me [of blood/relation]/Has drained and is gone [like water]". I take it to mean the singer is symbolically like the bath, and, like a bath that was drained of water, she is drained of him. I hope you can understand what I mean.

"Read me your tombstone Tell me you're sorry Fax me your will You owe me something still Blood is like water The bath that you poured me Has drained and is gone Don't blame it on your son"

Then it goes to the bridge/chorus/whatever part again, the difference being that she calls him "boy". This may or may not be anything according to the song, but coming from my specific situation it shows something important.To me, it shows that the singer has grown and matured past her father. She recognizes that he is still underdeveloped, still a child with pains and fears. I don't necessarily hear this part as being angry, and not really of pity, although there is some of that there no doubt. To me it sounds like an admonishment. After that the lyrics cut for a bit, and I am not sure if the last part is connected or not. It works pretty much the same, anyways.

The last three lines seem to sum up the sentiment, and perhaps add another layer to the diamond imagery. "The world is full of diamonds" seems to indicate more than the feelings the man is trying to express. It seems to me as if she were saying the world is still full of good experiences, little things worth living for. Perhaps it means there are many things he must go back and atone for, with her and other people as well. Whatever it means, this verse is her encouraging him to go out and find these diamonds, whatever they be. She wants him to find good things. But do not blame your daughter.

A few extra notes:

1. Referencing herself in the second person shows both that she has matured and is trying to control herself because the subject is emotionally charged. She is trying to put distance there so she can still talk to him reasonably.
2. The video shows her holding what I assume to be a seance of some sort. I can't decide if the fathers are there in the room and she is channeling the daughters, or vice-versa. I think it is interesting if you see the song like I do.
3. Not related to the song, if you are stuck in something like this, there is hope. Both for you and for any involved. What was destroyed can be resurrected from the dead.