There's an ugly little wasel 'bout three-foot nine
Face puffed up from cryin' 'n lyin'
'Cause her sweet little hubby's
Suckin' prong part time
(In the name of The Lord)

Get a clue, little shrew
Oh yeah, oh yeah
Jesus thinks you're a jerk

Did he really choose Tammy to do His Work?
Robertson says that he's The One
Oh sure he is,
If Armageddon
Is your idea of family fun,
An' he's got some planned for you!
(Now, tell me that ain't true)

Now, what if Jimbo's slightly gay,
Will Pat let Jimbo get away?
Everything we've heard him say
Indicated that Jim must pay,
(And it just might hurt a bit)
But keep that money rollin' in,
'Cause Pat and naughty Jimbo
Can't get enough of it

Perhaps it's their idea
Of an Affirmative Action Plan
To give White Trash a 'special break',
Well, they took those Jeezo-bucks and ran
To the bank! To the bank! To the bank! To the bank!
And every night we can hear them thank
Their Buddy, up above
For sending down his love
(While you all smell the glove)

Jim and Pat should take a pole
(Right up each saintly glory-hole),
With tar and feathers too
Just like they'd love to do to you

('Cause they think you are bad
And they are very mad)

'Cause some folks don't want prayer in school!

(We'd need an ark to survive the drool
Of Micro-publicans, raised on hate,
And 'Jimbo-Jimbo' when they graduate)

Conviced they are 'The Chosen Ones'
And all their parents carry guns,
And hold them cards in the N.R.A.
(With their fingers on the triggers
When they kneel and pray)

With a Ku-Klux muu-muu
In the back of the truck,
If you ain't Born Again,
They wanna mess you up, screamin',
"No abortion, no-siree!"
"Life's too precious, can't you see!"
(What's that hangin' from the neighbor's tree?
Why, it looks like 'colored folks' to me
Would they do that seriously?)

Imagine if you will
A multi-millionaire Television Evangelist,
Saved from Korean Combat duty by his father, a U.S. Senator

Studied Law
But is not qualified to practice it

Father of a "love child"
Who, in adulthood, hosts the remnants
Of papa's religious propaganda program

Claims not to be a "Faith Healer",
But has, in the past,
Dealt sternly with everything from hemorrhoids to hurricanes

Involved with funding for a 'secret war' in Central America
Claiming Ronald Reagan and Oliver North as close friends

Involved in suspicous 'tax-avoidance schemes',
(Under investigation for 16 months by the I.R.S.)

Claims to be a MAN OF GOD;
Currenty seeking the United States Presidency,
Hoping we will all follow him into
The Twilight Zone

What if Pat gets in the White House,
And suddenly
The rights of 'certain people' disappear

Now, wouldn't that sort of qualify
As an American Tragedy?
(Especially if he covers it up, sayin'
"Jesus told it to me!")

I hope we never see that day,
In The Land of The Free
Or someday will we?
Will we?

And if you don't know by now,
The truth of what I'm tellin' you,
Then, surely I have failed somehow

And Jesus will think I'm a jerk, just like you
If you let those TV Preachers
Make a monkey out of you!

I said,
"Jesus will think you're a jerk"
And it will be true!

There's an old rugged cross
In the land of cutton
It's still burnin' on somebody's lawn
And it still smells rotten

Jim and Tammy!
Oh, baby!
You gotta go!
You really got to go

Lyrics submitted by Philadelphia Eagles

"Jesus Thinks You're a Jerk" as written by Frank Zappa

Lyrics © Kobalt Music Publishing Ltd.

Lyrics powered by LyricFind

Jesus Thinks You're A Jerk song meanings
Add your thoughts


sort form View by:
  • +1
    General Commentpat and jimbo are televangelists pat robertson (700 club) and jim and tammy bakker (PTL in the 80's)
    the start of the song refers to "tammy faye", jimbo's wife (and co-host), he preached and she sang, and she'd always start crying and her mascara would stream down her cheeks, sort of her trademark. jimbo got "busted" for sexual impropriety with a hooker, big scandal, but zappa is saying that jimbo is obviously "slightly gay" and sucked dicks, too. zappa is not just being filthy, if you look at a photo of jim bakker's face you might see what zappa is talking about. also there were rumours... you know how cruel people can be... especially when the "snitch" was none other than pat robertson, the bakker's arch-competitors in the jesus tv biz. past robertson also snitch them off for income tax violations, etc. the reference to reagan and oliver north is the iran-contra affair, which itself was a cover-up for something far more humiliating than blatantly breaking so many laws its impossible to describe, but all that was an attempt to get back william buckley, the head of the CIA in the middle east, who was kidnapped by hezbollah in 1984 and tortured for 444 days until he died. hezbollah tauntingly sent videos of the torturing to langly virginia, CIA headquarters, the information they extracted from col. buckley was a huge book about 5 inches thick! detailing everything the USA was doing in the middle east. all this was financed by iran, and THAT IS WHY to this day, the US govt cannot get over it. pat robertson was a televangelist who contributed money to this effort, as did many famous millionaires, h. ross perot being one. when zappa wrote this song, none of this information was known. but look at what zappa says. the person being described in the middle of the song is pat robertson, who ran for president back then. later on, when bush 2 was in office, pat robertson and a whole gang of his jeezo-politicos tried to change our constitution in 2004. look it up, its common knowledge now. all of that FAILED. the point is, frank zappa told us about it 20 years before it happened in this stupid song about jimbo bakker sucking dicks.
    YES, it is indeed hilarious, but zappa was a political genius as well as a musical genius.
    it failed in 2004, but those people aren't gone. they're still with us, threatening our freedoms, JUST LIKE ZAPPA SAID.
    war on terror, patriot act, guantanamo bay, legal assassination, internet monitoring, and of course, still trying to "get back" on iran for humiliating the US military might, (hezbollah bombing of marines in lebanon, 1983, the FIRST suicide bombing) not letting the CIA steal all their oil, instead they kidnapped the top boss and tortured him to death in exactly 444 days, the same amount of days the US embassy staff was held hostage by revolutionary STUDENTS (1979-80) hezbollah did it, iran financed them. look it up online, iran pays out 500 million a year to all kinds of pro-theocracy terrorist groups, hezbollah receives 250 million of that 500, or half.
    i'm just telling you the history of what has happened since frank zappa made this song and TOLD US it was coming.
    chuglordon October 11, 2012   Link
  • 0
    General Commenthilarious, true and kickass
    MardyAsson April 17, 2005   Link
  • 0
    General CommentHillarious, kickass, and true. Such a great song. So long but I could keep listening to it...
    Jimmifrisbeeon May 18, 2005   Link
  • 0
    General CommentWho are Pat and Jimbo? I'm guessing they were American politicians, does anyone know?

    This song is good in that it highlights the fact that just because someone says they are a Christian, doesn't necessarily mean that they are one. Jesus may 'think your are a jerk' when you profess to be following him but in actual fact you are not. It's like Jesus even said himself "people will call me 'Lord', but not do the things I say" (paraphrased).

    So although there are many who are Christian by name only, and do some terrible things, I don't think that should be a cause for us to be unfair to the real followers of Jesus that are trying to do good.
    bobuon April 28, 2010   Link
  • 0
    General CommentActually; Zappa was raised as a Roman Catholic by his very devout Mother.
    BarnabyHugheson October 15, 2015   Link

Add your thoughts

Log in now to tell us what you think this song means.

Don’t have an account? Create an account with SongMeanings to post comments, submit lyrics, and more. It’s super easy, we promise!

Back to top