We call them cool
Those hearts that have no scars to show
The ones that never do let go
And risk it the tables being turned
We call them fools
Who have to dance within the flame
Who chance the sorrow and the shame
That always come with getting burned
But you got to be tough when consumed by desire
'Cause it's not enough just to stand outside the fire
We call them strong
Those who can face this world alone
Who seem to get by on their own
Those who will never take the fall
We call them weak
Who are unable to resist
The slightest chance love might exist
And for that forsake it all
They're so hell bent on giving, walking a wire
Convinced it's not living if you stand outside the fire
Standing outside the fire
Standing outside the fire
Life is not tried it is merely survived
If you're standing outside the fire
There's this love that is burning
Deep in my soul
Constantly yearning to get out of control
Wanting to fly higher and higher
I can't abide standing outside the fire
Standing outside the fire
Standing outside the fire
Life is not tried it is merely survived
If you're standing outside the fire
Standing outside the fire
Standing outside the fire
Life is not tried it is merely survived
If you're standing outside the fire
Those hearts that have no scars to show
The ones that never do let go
And risk it the tables being turned
We call them fools
Who have to dance within the flame
Who chance the sorrow and the shame
That always come with getting burned
But you got to be tough when consumed by desire
'Cause it's not enough just to stand outside the fire
We call them strong
Those who can face this world alone
Who seem to get by on their own
Those who will never take the fall
We call them weak
Who are unable to resist
The slightest chance love might exist
And for that forsake it all
They're so hell bent on giving, walking a wire
Convinced it's not living if you stand outside the fire
Standing outside the fire
Standing outside the fire
Life is not tried it is merely survived
If you're standing outside the fire
There's this love that is burning
Deep in my soul
Constantly yearning to get out of control
Wanting to fly higher and higher
I can't abide standing outside the fire
Standing outside the fire
Standing outside the fire
Life is not tried it is merely survived
If you're standing outside the fire
Standing outside the fire
Standing outside the fire
Life is not tried it is merely survived
If you're standing outside the fire
I have heard this song dozens of times but I heard it last week for the first time in a long time and I haven't been able to stop listening to it. The words speak right to my heart and say exactly what you just said. It's like you took the thoughts right out of my head....
....That spark
So many songs have that power. I bet Together we could make playlist filled with music that touches your soul and allows your heart to speak.
The sparkle is there, I saw yesterday and it crushed me to think it's being hidden by clouds. It just needs the sun to help it shine....
You mention hearing things, and I do to. People are judging a relationship that they didn't even know existed until 3 weeks ago. They have logic and are sharing it, but in the end it's advise NOT a life sentence.
"The Fear You Won't Fall" says it ALL, and can bring me to my knees. Cause it's US...
I saved that text and have read it often when I got down and felt myself sinking. Just to remind myself of what I said I wanted. I wanted to do "what was right" even if neither of us agreed with it.
I still believe in this process. I don't know how long it lasts but I'm hoping we are learning something about ourselves that we'll be able to share TOGETHER.
IT IS REAL!
And how is that a small exchange like That can flip my mood so dramatically?!?
The weekend was exhausting emotionally. It was good in the sense that it was all about learning how to communicate feeling better. There were people A LOT worse off than any of us!
But it was tough cause there was still no "answer" just more internal questioning.
I wanted to reach out but as we said we don't want to derail any positive momentum we have going for ourselves.
Those little exchanges are all we have and I always feel better having connected with you.
Wow back to back - these songs!
And if that doesn't help hold on to that rock. It's got stregth for you....And you are FAR from a mess.
1) You are reading this.
2) You are human.
3) You can’t say the letter ”P” without separating your lips.
4) You just attempted to do it.
6) You are laughing at yourself.
7) You have a smile on your face and you skipped No. 5.
8) You just checked to see if there is a No. 5.
I called a counselor on Friday, but haven't got a call back yet. Hoping to today
I'm going to get that help too!
itun.es/us/…
itun.es/us/…
itun.es/us/…
While I hate the idea of "testing" our love that's kinda what we are doing.
I do the same thing with my kids. I tell them 20x a day that I love them and that I'm allways going to love them NO MATTER WHAT.
We keep waiting for this "sign" and right now we can see the ones we look for EVERYWHERE. In a song, an action, a thought, memory, they are all around us. But the reality is that we are still looking for the answer and I think if we respect the process it will come to each of us.
Wow - that one did say A LOT!!
I think the book as been pretty good. I'm not through it yet. I bought it via iBooks so I just read a section on my iPhone when I have a few minutes. But it tries to help you answer The Question so at least it's a resource for that.
That's been another thing I've encountered. I used to always say I didn't mind traveling and eating alone but it's cause I wasn't alone - you were there. And the conversation was everything and anything.....
Our connection is real. People can discredit it but they don't know what we feel and never will. I believe in it. It made me happy everyday. Every single day. Even in the tough days it was there and ALLways gave one of us the strength to carry on and fight for eachother. It's pretty remarkable that people don't see it actually....
Thank for your kind words regarding me showing you how much you mean to me. It was easy and still is today to show you that appreciation.
You know it's funny but like Friday I can feel that my attitude is "different" right now. It's positive and I feel life in me. You shared that with me today. It will fade as the silence returns between us, but I'll KNOW a smile, a laugh, just hearing your voice will let those feelings rush over me again...and again...and again.
Take OUR strength with you today and tonight. Be honest, be open, and let your sunshine through.
I feel similar to you. Could it be found - maybe, but it would always come with doubt and what ifs.
But I mean when it when I say IF YOU COULD FIND THAT HAPPINESS then you should pursue it whole heartily. Don't let me stop you......Don't let US stop you. If you can have that happiness TAKE IT!
As I've told you, I'm ruined.
We might not be perfect but......
YOU made my day better - like you have countless times before and like I hope you would in the future.
You really out did yourself with these songs. I'm smiling as I gaze into your hazel eyes and have that dance I've longed for....
Let sun shine down!
Let OUR sun shine down!
itun.es/us/…
I kinda got into this song. Not cause the meaning really but just cause it was NOT something we struggled with. I've always known what you mean.
itun.es/us/…
Maybe We can help each other but neither makes the decision for the other.
We continue to understand that and we seek the answer. And if they day come where we must lay down and stop fighting for US, I'll hurt but know it was for the right reasons.
I hope it went well today....
Thank You for sharing....
I've known you had this in you, I've seen it before and felt that inspiration.
LOOK OUT world here she comes....
I'm glad you found someone who you have the confindance in to know that they can help you find you. You're gonna get everything you want out of this experience and discover the path that lets you smile and puts that sparkle in your eye. I believe it you!
You're AWESOME!
Wrote me that at about 7:45 this morning.
I think I'm going to say "are you willing to talk to me on the phone?" hopefully he is and I'll call him and explain that each of us is looking for closure tha we certainly aren't finding simply ignoring eachother.
So he didn't treaten to kill me or anything so I'd say that's positive :)
Both of us said that it actually felt good to communicate and I told him I wish I could help and if he thinks of anything that he wants or needs from me - I'd do all I could.
But last night in my dreams they were there. I woke a couple times with the words in my mind.
elephantjournal.com/2015/06/a-soul-mate-is-a-mirror-we-accept-the-love-we-believe-we-deserve/
I've destroyed A LOT of trust - like probably all and any that I had.
N called S to talk about everything. S told N that you told her that your counselor said you shouldn't be with me and that you should me with M. How come you didn't tell ME that? I feel like that was pretty big.....
Choose US and the hurt is endless and touches everyone - particularly C,C,W, C.
Choose them and the only people hurting are You and Me?
itun.es/us/…
A way to minimize/avoid hurting?
BUT WHY CAN I SO EASILY SAY HURT THEM? Am I they selfish or do I have that much conviction in US?
But I know seeing children cry is going to be real too.....and that is going to hurt worse than anything we've felt thus far.
Am we strong enough to lean on eachother to get through that. We have had our own little tests but this would be a whole new level.
But will putting them 1st and above all(where they need to be) ruin US? Will we drift away and lose the connection that is at our core?Not cause we "want to" but because life will steal our shine.
How will we keep the tree growing and the love burning?
But given that news - is too much?
I hate hate hate that US could die. Like probably the most of all the hurt. Am I selfish??!!!???
Can we get through that. I'm not saying get over it - cause we will struggle. But could we overcome. ALL of US Me, You, C, C, W, C
At least to those who we felt needed to know the truth behind our actions.
m.youtube.com/…
Since Tuesday we've hardly touched...
But I think there is truth to the fact that both of us want them to be cold and push us away so we don't have to make the decision. They make it for us
So I'd have to be 100%
Are you going to resent him for making you leave a great job they you enjoy. Especially when money is tight?
I know I would.
I question what I want....cause no one agrees with it.
Please remember that this conversation need to be protected at costs.
It's confidence we lack, not belief.
In the end the ONLY thing she asked was that you and I don't let talking influence the help we are receiving from a professional. Because it would be a detriment to either of us actually getting better. And that's what she wants for me and you(as much as she hated to say it about you).
While talking feels good - REALLY good right now, if it's derailing any attempts at making YOU happy and figuring out that only YOU can make yourself happy(others can help - but only for so long. Then YOU have to have that happiness inside you).
I can tell you that I'm not running away or abandoning you or US. I just REALLY feel like for anyone to be happy including US, you and I need this.
Do we deserve to be happy with our lives - YES WE DO. But it's a process. What's meant to be, will be. But we have to respect the process. We owe to ourselves to discover what happy is, especially of what we think would make us happy is the ultimate path. We owe to the little 4, M & N. And all our family and friends.
M is asking me to call him so I'm going to do that now.
I might have some peace but I'm scared out of my mind. You are not alone. And you never will be.
It could be a start.
Or it could be the beginning...
A new beginning...
I don't want you to think I DECIDED. And now you should. I was just opening myself up and being vulnerable.
If you think that heart full of love can be found in your house than I want you to GO GET IT. But if the process reveils that it's not there M is going to be much more accepting of anything.
I didn't end up stopping to talk to him - he's was too busy.
Nickie was kind of a wreck thinking closure was gonna take place and that a decision was working itself out. I told her that it didn't happen. And as nice as it was to have that opportunity, in some sense we question if we accomplished much at all.
But it meant lot to ME to have that moment...and it is part of the process for me.
When you know...you'll know. And I'll know that you know. And WE will support eachother decision.
He and I had a terrible night. I feel asleep and woke up feeling the most alone and scared I have ever been. EVERYONE tells me I need to find me, learn to love me or no answer will be found. But all I feel is pressure, pressure to "fix what was broke in my marriage". He says you won't even try, you won't even say you want to try then he says love yourself I'll give you time then in the next sentence it's you don't ever want to help us get better. I just get so confused. Then he's telling me what you and be talked about and making it sound like you are manipulating me and even him to get what YOU want. While I KNOW that's not true, like you, when you hear it, doubt creeps in. It's scary. I have been thinking about something you said yesterday, you said that when you stopped talking you your dad that when things started to "spiral downward". That's when you let go of trying with her and focused on seeing how unhappy I was. Hearing you say "downward" made me feel like, hmm, maybe I am bringing him down. Maybe he wants me to just let him go so he doesn't have to be the one to cause my pain.
And maybe in the end you do just "decide" to keep faking it. Maybe the consequences of disrupting C & C are just too much! That's ok. Your right maybe you would find your happy(after feeling like you're faking it). Cause I think what that means is that THEY are what truly make you happy and you'll sacrifice your own happiness for Them.
Thats not letting go of me or US. At least not in my eyes. That's you finding you and letting your love shine down.
That was NEVER a possibility and to this day, I can't move from that. How would it work I have NO CLUE! But I'm not budging.
While I mowed last night I thought about a lot and I thought you know if I could make a deal with the devil, that said M & R are happy, N & N are happy....but N & R have a friendship that is healthy and respectful. Would M and N accept that??
I mean my mind never really goes anywhere else. I'm sure none of our do. And that just kind of keeps us in this constant "reserved" state of mind.
I want to just LAUGH and joke.....and be ME!
I thought I had productive conversations but maybe I didn't.....maybe people just don't understand me. Maybe I don't explain well enough or I explain it like it is in my head and the message is misconstrued.
I'm glad you got dorky in there!
You like to try new things - even stuff that "scares" you. If you feel safe you'll try to make the most of an experience.
How was it here this afternoon. Did you feel like people were trying to figure it all out?
I don't know maybe that crazy.....but neither of us is going to budge on quitting.
Would be change if we knew it was the right reasons?
I hate not knowing and sharing these kinds of little things!
And I do have people I can reach out to. But I think you know and understand those moments of empty and alone that occur at times when in the past we would have connected. It's just different. And I'm not even saying bad - cause being a slave to my phones secrecy was a lot of work!
Of course you can tell me something(maybe this is what you meant)
You did allow me to be what I think is the true me. Be it only an hour or only whatever. Who knows maybe I'd get tired of being me if it was more than that!
For so long I took advantage of the relationship and didn't make her a top priority. She questioning if she could ever be happy Not Being that anymore.
Yesterday M said to me that it was like him and I were competing for the same women - his wife. And I actually disagreed. I think he's competing for Love. But all I want is for you to be happy.
The way you are talking you want the same for me.
I think if each of us could give the others spouse the "cheat codes" to get that stuff out of us for them, we'd happily do it.
Could you let him see that true You, that I know, who is willing to be spontaneous, a little risky, and a whole lot of fun?
Yes she knows that at my core I can't move forward until I believe you're making progress to fulfilling YOUR happiness. Not going through the motions, but actually have success at finding it.
What scares me is them telling us "if you want to make it work with your spouse, you have to block US out COMPLETLY. No communication!" I feel like I would spiral again.
Cause I'm not sure I even want help then....
I really do wish someone was listening to both of US.
And what happens when you do look and think you see something that may or may not be there? And you try and read it and then those thoughts consume you and push you a direction that you may not even be leaning but you go there to avoid being hurt???
Yeah I need professional help!
I don't know if we are going through the motions. At times I think I was. But the last 48 hours not so much. Maybe the silence of the weekend will reveal something. I keep thinking all have this moment where I just KNOW, but even if I did when the consequences of my decision squash the excitement....?
During the "ignoring" period and my tough days I feel like all I did was talk about and concern myself with you and how you were progressing. So I probably sounded a certain way.....
I believe it in. But people try and poke holes in it; would it last, it wasn't real cause it did have to deal with "life", you don't know the real ____, ect.
Do you ever think back to that dream C had kind of about all this? Do you think C is recalling having this thought?
And
What do you think about my hair getting longer?
And careful with that asparagus too - don't get to stinky;)
The donut shop is open so I'm going to take the girls tomorrow morning and probably Sunday too. You know us and donuts!
That's so sweet...Thanks for thinking of me when you pee :)
You are brave with the drink but if anyone has the strength to stop at 1 it's you. Maybe it will help you relax your mind.
I like to say goodbye in person.
Oh my!!!
She did get 1 dig in on me - when I'm leaving I say Love You and she says "are you sure you love me? Just me??"
She's something else....
It was kind of nice. We had agreed to not talk about things and we didn't.
Hope you had a good night(and stinky pee) and a good day.
Laters
I'm glad you had a nice night. Enjoy your donuts!
Laters
I had a RB too!
Hope your donuts were good, they looked like it. They girls are getting so big!
They were good. Going back tomorrow too!
Yeah they are. But they are still stinkers! They ask about ya....
I miss them...
Laters
Don't feel bad letting everyone spoil you today. You deserve it! Even the sun knows it - enjoy it's shine....
Happy Mothers Day!!
Enjoy...
Thank You. So do you. You really nail that "look"!
Had a pretty relaxing weekend. Was outside A Lot but didn't do all that much which was kinda nice. Didn't stress about cleaning up or getting stuff out. Just kinda hung out. Tried to let our minds recharge and not talk about everything. And we didn't - like hardly at all.
Just ate donuts in the morning, hung out in the sun during the day, and watched a movie Friday and Saturday night. I guess I felt not great or good about everything, just kinda "ok". But it was nice not fighting.
How about yours?
You will do just fine. Just be open and honest about what YOU are feeling. No matter what you need to do what is right for you.
My weekend was a whirlwind of emotions especially Friday and yesterday but I am feeling pretty good about where I'm at. I'm not sure how much you want to know or how much I should tell you.
Did you have a good Mothers Day?
Question for you. Is this "talking" something you mention to a counselor?
N told me that M wrote her today...didn't say anything else about the conversation.
What prompted the visit from H and J?
They came to get some straw for decoration at the prom.
I'm glad Can. could help you and you could talk with her.
I think those "normal" things almost wake you up as to what you have to give up to have them.
What I've come to know "normal" as involved you - even if it is I was just telling you every detail if you weren't involved. I like sharing those experiences. It's why I check this about 20x during the weekend when there wasn't any activity. Even though we said we wouldn't, I didn't want to miss anything or leave you hanging if you needed me.
I'm sorry I've put you here.
And again is the only way that happens is if US is gone....
How could I ever accept that?!?
2) is this the place to be doing it?
And I equally as concerned about your visit.
R you should know...
That's why logging in seems like the most normal thing we do.
There are times when I swear that WE could figure this all out Together.
I admire your commitment to yourself. I think that's the only why you discover who you are searching for - maybe it's you, maybe it's someone else, maybe it's where you're at.
I just have an uneasy feeling....
I hope so....I don't know why but I feel uneasy.
And I think you're right if you honor the commitment you're starting over there too. It's why it takes "3 years" to get back to feeling like you're past it.
But I'm still scared! ;)
I'm only 1 call way....
itun.es/us/…
The words of these songs speak to me.
Didn't have to go into details just most put together family trees and backgrounds. She thought I needed I figure out what I wanted with N before I could explore any other relationships. And she thought that could take a bit. Especially if there isn't urgency.
I asked if we could talk and she suggested it was natural for us to want to but need to be respectful of M and N and there wishes.
I like how people thing we chose this. I can't help it that right now all I can compare to is You....and you to me. It's what WE think is Great.
Give our ability to communicate how we feel, I'm sure I've ever felt "pressure". I sure hope you haven't.
With Our ability to communicate how we feel, I'm not sure I've ever felt "pressure". I sure hope you haven't.
I just don't see that ever stopping even if he says it will.
Today was the 1st day I've had 3 meals in about a month.
I think that's why space for me and M will be good so I can stop pushing away and just focus on me. He thought I was at the point that I wanted to find me or be with him, he thought that I was done with you. Not sure how he got that impression but when I told him last night that it was still there. He was upset and gave me less time, said he won't wait much longer.
Which as of this morning seems like what's going to happen. He just called me and said he's done waiting. He was ok when it was me trying to find me but knowing that I haven't let you go is too much for him. He thinks if I'm not willing to just quit my job this week and work on my family then it's over. He decided we could try the separation for 2 weeks but that's all he is giving me.
Like I told my counselor yesterday if the expectation is that I'm just going to stop caring and feeling the way I do for you - then people will be disappointed. Cause right now I'm not willing to do that. Maybe someday OUR feeling would change and a different relationship would develop but I can't imagine not having some kind of relationship.
I want to give you every opportunity I can so please tell me what your expectations from me at during this time. And that doesn't have to be today or anything, you can think about that.
"if I end up alone and you know where you'd end up....then maybe you already know."
I said if I end up alone and you feel you'd know where you end up assuming that was with me, then maybe you already know what you want.
Thank You and KNOW it will not get revealed from me either.
I'm going to be on the road overnight for a few days, but that doesn't mean I'm not here. Whatever support you want or need, I'll do my best to give.
I don't feel like you are disrupting me. Right now I'm going through the process and like you its unimaginable to let you go. I'm telling people that and I'll continue to tell it. And ulitmelty if N can't accept that than I know what will happen.
I don't know why it helps but it's all I've known for a long time And I want it cause it makes me feel connected to US.
would you be happy?
I guess I just can't see it. I don't know if I could. Feel like it will ALLways be there. ALL of it - the touch, the taste, the spark. It will be there cause it's The Best.
Or thinking about how it impacts all these people who our lives touch.
There will be confusion, ridicule, anger, and hurt - and that's amongst the people who care about us and love us. They might not Ever forgive or even attempt to understand.
And then the Biggest of all, the little 4....
Ok. Collect your thoughts this afternoon but most off let your love shine down on C.
Good Luck with where ever the afternoon/evening/and night take you. You're not alone - just as I won't be.
I'll want to know how it goes but I respect any line you have to draw.
I guess at this point it doesn't have to "fair"...
Will it make people angry and push away from me? Yup.
Will people question me and not understand? Yup.
Will it present its own set of challenges and be hard? Sure will.
Will I want to celebrate life and enjoy new experiences? Oh yeah
Will I still want to share my love and be loved? Yes
Will I make the most of chances and opportunities I get. I hope so.
There would be plenty of things that would make me smile, laugh, dance, and maybe even wiggle a little.
Maybe we should just get that room that person suggested!! Ha!!
We didn't talk to H but he and I did talk. We are just not sure we will ever be able to move past all that's happened. The separation is starting tonight. I'm ok, just sad. Sad for causing so much hurt.
How was your night?
And I'm sorry for my contributions in getting you to this point.
Hope C is feeling better.
itun.es/us/…
Might be worth reading for both of you.
Can't even imagine where you're at but you're not alone....
C is doing better. Thank you.
What is the "fix"??
I think I know what I want and I think you do. But that doesn't make it any less scary.
Do you know? If so can you help me?
I feel like the friendship at least makes the best of it. But if he Can't, then it wouldn't work.
I wouldn't let you out of my life. I know that.
I think that. But all the outside noise makes me wonder IF. If maybe they are right
Would I go that route again - no. I'd want to do it right.
Just like you're scared of that from his family.
We've already hit the breaks so hard on US that to think we need to keep pumping them is rough. But you are right in that it already would be very tough for the kids to understand.
Are there things I don't know, sure. And those are the things that excite me about getting to know you even better. There will probably even be some things that open my eyes a little bit, just as there will be things you didn't foresee.
Your the one that I refuse to let go of cause I believe in US - even when facing the fire.
For the 1st in my life I'm beginning to not care what people think about me. If I'm happy, who cares if I'm liked by them?
It's hard to do that with this forum but I want you to KNOW.
I'm scared too. I don't US to change and hearing that it have to be different or slow, is scary.
US won't be slow or change it will be US ALLways.
I found something in my sportcoat today from a Long time ago. Maybe sometime I can show - it made me smile considering how long I've had and the modifications I've made to it.
I'm never going to look back and regret US. I don't like the hurt that we've caused. But WOW have I learned a lot from you! And I'm still learning.....
It was a long day - training agents and just all the emotions.
Hot and humid down here and strong storms are rolling in(hail and 60mph winds)
And sorry if that sounds like goodbye it didn't sound like that in my head.
Well guess what I forgot this trip?
Sock! Gonna wear the same pair 3 straight days :)
You got love and support around you. Lean on it.
You brush your teeth but don't shower!!
Or hey, go buy a new pair!!
I drive all the way there and order my drink only to find out they are out of mocha! They offer me any other drink for 1/2 off but I politely say no thank you and leave.
(As I typed that I got the biggest smile!)
I'm sure you don't mind helping out and getting your hands dirty.
I bet with the right detergent they'd soften up and be ALL good
(But you do have knack for making me smile)
You do know a little about me dont'cha?
That's great go C-note! Is it coach pitch?
C plays 3rd base and does good there! She hits well too! Hers is kid pitch so it so slow. But little C is pitching machine.
Good call on the flowers. I'll work on that Friday.
You're not scared of a basketball. Just takes a bit to get the depth perception for the smaller ball. You'd get use to it.
Hope I'm not keeping you up late though.
You might need a frap!
;)
Minute by minute, hour by hour....
Good Night
Hope your day is going ok - minute by minute....
Now to do some work...
Don't mean to make you jealous though - well maybe a little ;)
Any breakfast for you?
How about you, how's your day?
Lunch plans?
I'm not sure what I'm going to do. Should have plenty of time before my next meeting so I'll probably do a sit down lunch. Probably a salad.
But I know it makes you feel good so I'm glad you're doing it - for you.
Plus you gotta use up those minutes!
There is nothing wrong with taking a moment to collect yourself. And if a tear falls - that's ok too.
I don't know how long this hurt lingers. Knowing that would be helpful.
I know we are.....and yet it's the only thing that feels right - yet it's wrong.
I certainly understand if this needs to be taken place someplace more private. Or maybe you simply just can't do This.
I don't think you should expect that stength everyday. Like you said it's a minute to minute thing. There is a lot of change going on and to think you'd just take it in stride is unrealistic.
You're having to make a decision that WE aren't ready to make - cause we haven't let the process move along.
The only thing I feel like I that's been consistent is my desire to stay connected to you. And I'm not even sure what that means
Yet you are the one I'm concerned with.
Sorry I wasn't able to respond to you message on Twitter. I didn't want to respond to it now in case you weren't by your phone. I'll get you a copy of the playlist...sorry it may be a little late if you mowed tonight.
I want to tell you about my night, you will never guess what I ended up doing. Write me on Twitter if you can otherwise I'll keep checking here. But don't feel like you have to.
1)PB pie
2)running
You liked pb pie before me...remember how long I owed you a piece! You also ran long before me. Those were both things you have always enjoyed. Not cause of me but cause of you....
Maybe you should go one one if those runs that N talked about. You 2 used to do that. Maybe it will be a way to see if there is a still a connection. I want you to do all that you can to make sure you know what's in your heart.
Maybe that and other stuff would return, I don't know...
I appreciate you giving me every opportunity to see if I can find the connection. I hope you are also still in search of it. Right now that means making a conscious effort to do things that aren't "normal" but if they trigger the spark you need, or the spark I need, give it a go. Maybe we'd get a response that surprised us.
Yet each of us can't shake the feelings of US. Those feeling drive US forward and we can't control that desire. That in itself is scary.
What did ya do????
I want what's best for you and for You to make that decision for yourself. If that's going back to give it your All, I'd respect that like no other. And if support you how ever I could - even if that meant not at all.
Is that what you want?
And that's awesome that you got out and did something - and had a little fun! You've gotta be learning so much about yourself. I'm proud of you....
My night wasn't great. It was going ok till bed, then it was a breakdown. Probably the same things you hear from M, that make us both feel like terrible people. We remain civil but we both think is between 60-70% over.
Girls and I got donuts this morning and danced our booties off on the ride home. W cracks me up with her facial expressions! She really "gets it".
Bet she's asked 5x between last night and today if C&C could come over and says we are so mean for not letting them......tough to hear.
I gotta say I'm jealous of your plans to go roller skating. That sounds like a blast!! And that dance party is gonna be non-stop smiles - and smiling is my favorite.
Recital is tomorrow and I'll be sure she gets a little extra squeeze from R.
(Insert OUR emoji)
Yet it just doesn't feel like it's "there"....
And the thing that IS - feel like everything I want.
I'm couldn't push to him - cause I'm still not sure how he's helped himself. He needs real help if he's ever going to learn to forgive. Without I'm not sure how you could be happy...
You are not holding me back. Unless you think I'm holding you back.
I'm just shaking my head....that doesn't sound like a guy that's trying to me. Maybe he's trying to get the extra 10% and just "not care". I don't know. I think you should encourage him to get help to see if he could forgive. If he CAN'T then it's over. I'm sorry. And if he's not willing to talk to someone soon, then you can question if he is trying. It might even be time for him to go with you to counseling this week. Cause if it's not now it might be too late. If he would, you should call and let her it's now or never....
You don't need to feel bad about putting all that mom "stuff" on the back burner for a bit. You can do it after they sleep or whenever. And I wouldn't do more than your own and your kids laundry(maybe your not).
Find ways to have fun or let the kids lead you to the fun.
They don't love Can more than you. Don't let yourself go there. It might feel that way sometimes but it couldn't be further from the truth! Never ever never!!
Let them feel your love. Let them see your love. And let them hear your love.
I can see you doing it and it makes me smile!
Thinking about cha....
I really wish I was going with ya.
Hope your day is improving.
I'm still really impressed with your night. And to be brave enough to have a cocktail. You're really somethin...
My day is good cause I'm with my kids but that almost makes things harder to think about. I am really struggling and feel like you are the only person I can talk to but you are probably the last person I should talk to. I really just want to cry my eyes out in your arms.
I hope you are having a good day. I'm glad you're wearing The Hat.
I'm sure that the time with the kids is tough. Stay strong for them and let them feel your love. That's all they really need.
I certainly understand the struggle. Like you said this feels "right" but I doubt it is.
I appreciate your honestly and want to assure you that I'm giving you that back 100%.
Was that comment to your Mom made pre-drink or post? Just teasing ;)
I've got a song recommendation for your dance party; Lets Go by Calvin Harris. It will get ALL of you moving!!!
Now to get your dance on!!!
How has your day gone?
(Great pics/video for skating! - with I could "like" em)
It's been ok. Cleaned up my closet and threw a stuff away that I never wear. Kinda wishing I was doing the stuff you are...
I don't kinda wish you were doing the stuff I was....I REALLY wish you were.
Let the dancing begin...
Yeah by kinda I meant REALLY wish.
Are you gonna take it easy tonight or catch up on your work?
It is movie, popcorn and root beer time now. I might do some cleaning tomorrow but will probably just chill after they go to bed tonight.
I bet they are having a great night! Movie, popcorn, root beer....how could they not!?!
Glad the music was hit. Hope you enjoyed the dancing too. Sounds like you deserve to do a lil chillin...so get comfy! (You'll probably be asleep in NO time!)
How is your night going?
Thank you for making me smile. Like real true smiles. Yeah I know, you're probably thinking, "what did I do to make you smile?" That's the great thing about you, N, I smile just thinking about you. Anything with you is everything to me...