This is a hauntingly beautiful song about introspection, specifically about looking back at a relationship that started bad and ended so poorly, that the narrator wants to go back to the very beginning and tell himself to not even travel down that road. I believe that the relationship started poorly because of the lines:
"Take me back to the night we met:When the night was full of terrors: And your eyes were filled with tears: When you had not touched me yet"
So, the first night was not a great start, but the narrator pursued the relationship and eventually both overcame the rough start to fall in love with each other:
"I had all and then most of you"
Like many relationships that turn sour, it was not a quick decline, but a gradual one where the narrator and their partner fall out of love and gradually grow apart
"Some and now none of you"
Losing someone who was once everything in your world, who you could confide in, tell your secrets to, share all the most intimate parts of your life, to being strangers with that person is probably one of the most painful experiences a person can go through. So Painful, the narrator wants to go back in time and tell himself to not even pursue the relationship.
This was the perfect song for "13 Reasons Why"
To think of my task is chilling.
To know I was carefully building the mask I was
wearing for two years, swearing I'd tear it off.
I've sat in the dark explaining to myself that I'm
straining too hard for feelings I ought to find easily.
Called myself Jezebel.
I don't believe.
Before I say that the vows we made weigh like a
stone in my heart.
Family is family, don't let this tear us apart.
You lie there, an innocent baby.
I feel like the thief who is raiding your home,
entering and breaking and taking in every room.
I know your feelings are tender and that inside you
the embers still glow.
But I'm a shadow, I'm only a bed of blackened coal.
Call myself Jezebel for wanting to leave.
I'm not saying I'm replacing love for some other
word to describe the sacred tie that bound me to
you.
I'm just saying we've mistaken one for thousands of
words.
And for that mistake, I've caused you such pain that
I damn that word.
I've no more ways to hide that I'm a desolate and
empty, hollow place inside.
I'm not saying I'm replacing love for some other
word to describe the sacred tie that bound me to
you.
I'm not saying love's a plaything.
No, it's a powerful word, inspired by strong desire
to bind myself to you.
How I wish that we never had tried to be man and his
wife, to weave our lives into a blindfold over both
our eyes.
To know I was carefully building the mask I was
wearing for two years, swearing I'd tear it off.
I've sat in the dark explaining to myself that I'm
straining too hard for feelings I ought to find easily.
Called myself Jezebel.
I don't believe.
Before I say that the vows we made weigh like a
stone in my heart.
Family is family, don't let this tear us apart.
You lie there, an innocent baby.
I feel like the thief who is raiding your home,
entering and breaking and taking in every room.
I know your feelings are tender and that inside you
the embers still glow.
But I'm a shadow, I'm only a bed of blackened coal.
Call myself Jezebel for wanting to leave.
I'm not saying I'm replacing love for some other
word to describe the sacred tie that bound me to
you.
I'm just saying we've mistaken one for thousands of
words.
And for that mistake, I've caused you such pain that
I damn that word.
I've no more ways to hide that I'm a desolate and
empty, hollow place inside.
I'm not saying I'm replacing love for some other
word to describe the sacred tie that bound me to
you.
I'm not saying love's a plaything.
No, it's a powerful word, inspired by strong desire
to bind myself to you.
How I wish that we never had tried to be man and his
wife, to weave our lives into a blindfold over both
our eyes.
Lyrics submitted by Demau Senae
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I think your first comment is closer to being accurate. The singer/song writers state "Millions of eyes can see, yet why am i so blind!? When the someone else is me, its unkind its unkind". I believe hes referring to the girl toying with him and using him. He wants something deeper with her, thats why he allows himself to be as a puppet (even though for her fun and games) as long as it makes her happy. But he knows deep down that she doesnt really want to be serious with him and thats what makes him.
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This song is obviously about someone who has fallen out of love, and feels like they are lying by staying in the relationship. There is no real debate about that. What struck me today was the significance of when this song was written and released. "Jezebel" was originally released on the album "Our Time in Eden", the last studio album Merchant made with the band. She had announced a year before she recorded the album that she was leaving the band. I have to wonder if the feelings of the woman (I'm assuming it is a woman) in the song reflect Merchant's own feelings about staying in the band even though she had already decided to leave. Even the name of the album, "Our Time in Eden" sounds like the band is talking about how the paradise and innocence of the band's success was ending with Merchant leaving.
Furthermore, her performance of "Jezebel" is one of the most powerful on "MTV Unplugged". In fact, all of the songs on "MTV Unplugged" are VERY emotionally charged, and have a strong hint of sadness. This isn't surprising, considering that Merchant left the band months after the performance. The band's next album, "Love among the Ruins" speaks volumes. The band has moved on, and even though their popularity really did become a ruin, the band was still happy to go on.
Anyway, I just thought it was an interesting, subtle observation about the band and how their art reflected the musicians' lives.