Me And A Gun

it reminds me of a story i read in the paper about a girl who was raped, then killed herself after the trial.

the rapists lawyer told the court how the girl in question was wearing a thong that said 'horny devil', and that somehow justified the girl being raped, because she was 'easy' or something. after the trial the girl killed herself, and the girls sister said it was because she couldnt cope with the way shed been treated at court.

i could kill that lawyer.

Tori's Survivor Story "I'll never talk about it at this level again but let me ask you. Why have I survived that king of night, when other women didn't?

How am I alive to tell you this tale when he was ready to slice me up? In the song I say it was Me and a Gun but it wasn't a gun. It was a knife he had. And the idea was to take me to his friends and cut me up, and he kept telling me that, for hours. And if he hadn't needed more drugs I would have been just one more news report, where you see the parents grieving for their daughter. And I was singing hymns, as I say in the song, because he told me to. I sang to stay alive. Yet I survived that torture, which left me urinating all over myself and left me paralyzed for years. That's what that night was all about, mutilation, more than violation through sex.

I really do feel as though I was psychological mutilated that night and that now I'm trying to put the pieces back together again. Through love, not hatred. And through my music. My strength has been to open again, to life, and my victory is the fact that, despite it all, I kept alive my vulnerability." from http://www.escapinghades.com/toriamos.html

I think the first verse (5am friday morning...) is after the rape. She's driving around, because she's afraid they will follow her home, even though they've probably gone elsewhere.

The chorus is explained in the quote Amelie posted.(Singing the hymns.)

You can laugh Its kind of funny Things you think Times like these Like I haven't seen BARBADOS so I must get out of this -I think this refers to the bizarre things your mind thinks about in moments of crisis. For instance, that wanting to go to Barbados is a good reason to fight to survive her attack.

Yes I wore a slinky red thing Does that mean I should spread for you, your friends Your father, Mr Ed -This is her anger at his belief that he had the right to rape her because she dressed provocatively. I'm not sure if she's calling his father Mr. Ed (as an insult) or if she's saying that should she spread for anyone, even Mr. Ed?

And I know what this means Me and Jesus a few years back used to hang And he said "it's your choice babe just remember I don't hink you'll be back in 3 days time so you choose well" Tell me whats right Is it my right to be on my stomach of Fred's Seville -I've though about this verse for years. I think she's saying that at some point she contemplated suicide. That she prayed, and Jesus "responded" that unlike his resurrection, she won't be back in 3 days, so choose well. She doesn't know what choice to make. Should she kill herself now? She's questioning how it can be right that's she's been raped. -She may also be questioning why she wasn't killed when so many others are. I know what this means, could also mean that she's aware that she may die during the rape, and she knows what it means, because she contemplated death earlier when she was suicidal.

and do you know CAROLINA Where the biscuits are soft and sweet These things go through your head when there's a man on your back And you're pushed flat on your stomach it's not a classic caddilac -Again, the strange things that run through your mind in this type of situation. The fact that BARBADOS and CAROLINA are capatalized, i think mean that she's trying to focus on these places and block out what's really going on.

This song is so personal to her, its about her rape and i think she was so brave just to even show her feelings to the world. i think she is an amazingly brave person to go through that, i cannot imagine how she must have felt.

It's so cool that she actually wrote it. The song is pretty straight forward, and if you browse the internet a little, you may find what she said about that song... she mentioned that each time she sings it, she has to go in a sort of trance mode.... And afterwards, she goes out with her friends or does something fun to remind herself that it is over and that it will never happen again.... It's really weird though how she thought about Barbados.... why that place in particular? She must have had strong feelings about it though, because it kept her alive.... I don't know what I would have thought then....

“5am Friday morning Thursday night Far from sleep I'm still up and driving Can't go home Obviously So I'll just change direction Cause they'll soon know where I live And I wanna live”

She starts the song the morning after the incident. Regardless of the lack of sleep, she keeps driving in order to lose the rapists, even though they may be at home, or driving home. Her driving around in order to lose the rapists isn’t literal; rather, she is still running away from this incident in her mind. She cannot just forget about it, and physically trying to get away as far as possible is one coping mechanism and natural reaction. Fight or flight-obviously she lost the fight, so she is flying away in order to stay safe. Paranoia plays a role here. Although the rapists are not seeking out 5am Friday morning to rape her again, she cannot help but feel it may happen again. If they did it again, she would not be able to cope, and therefore may resort to suicide as a way out.

“Got a full tank and some chips It was me and a gun And a man on my back And I sang "holy holy" as he buttoned down his pants You can laugh It's kind of funny, things you think At times like these Like I haven't seen Barbados So I must get out of this”

She can drive for hours and hours, as long as she can get away from them. The gun can be seen as both literal and figurative. If they rape her again, she’ll kill them or herself. Also, the gun can be seen as a phallic symbol, a symbol of power the man had over her, destroying her spirit during the violent act. Her mind wanders to Barbados, a place she has never been to. Yet anywhere is better than being raped, so Barbados serves as the place she must escape to so she can be free.

“Yes I wore a slinky red thing Does that mean I should spread For you, your friends, your father, Mr. Ed”

Thinking that her sex appeal was the trigger for the rape is normal for people who are victims of rape; they tend to think it was their fault for a time. Since she is singing about this the morning after, she knows that it wasn’t, but at the time, she may have regretted wearing that red dress.

”Me and a gun And a man On my back But I haven't seen Barbados So I must get out of this”

Escape equals freedom.

”Me and Jesus a few years back Used to hang and he said "It's your choice babe just remember I don't think you'll be back in 3 days time So you choose well" Tell me what's right Is it my right to be on my stomach of Fred's Seville”

The irony in this situation is that she never did have a choice. What he said was a mockery.

”Me and a gun And a man On my back But I haven't seen Barbados So I must get out of this”

”And do you know Carolina Where the biscuits are soft and sweet These things go through you head When there's a man on your back And you're pushed flat on your stomach It's not a classic cadillac”

Again, her mind wanders to better things. This is a normal reaction when enduring a traumatic experience. The biscuits mentioned above echo comfort, something familiar, unlike the man on her back.

”Me and a gun and a man On my back But I haven't seen Barbados So I must get out of this”

Who the hell are these people saying this song is bad because it's slow and dull?? Seriously, would it be better if she sang about her own RAPE with a disco beat or a more 'catchy' chorus?

Go back to your manufactured pop songs that obviously satisfy your shallow taste in music.

This song means so much to me as I can personally relate to it. I too was raped and I find that this song feels so personal to me as it does to anyone who has experienced this horrible crime. She is VERY brave and obviously a very strong woman to be able to share something this personal with the world.

i dont think i can ever imagine what it would have been like to go threw what she has been threw. but she is a brave and wonderful person to write a song like this that gets to us and we can hopefully see how horrible this is. awesome song.

i dont think i can ever imagine what it would have been like to go threw what she has been threw. but she is a brave and wonderful person to write a song like this that gets to us and we can hopefully see how horrible this is. awesome song.