The song lyrics were written by the band Van Halen, as they were asked to write a song for the 1979 movie "Over the Edge" starring Matt Dillon. The movie (and the lyrics, although more obliquely) are about bored, rebellious youth with nothing better to do than get into trouble. If you see the movie, these lyrics will make more sense. It's a great movie if you grew up in the 70s/80s you'll definitely remember some of these characters from your own life. Fun fact, after writing the song, Van Halen decided not to let the movie use it.
Ho ho ho!
Play it Grandpa.
[Yeah, play it!]
Let's tell them a little story
about what happened this Christmas.
[Yeah, tell them!]
Christmas Eve
I didn't get much sleep
I kept hearing things
heavy breathing from the chimney...
who could it be?
[I'll tell you what it was...]
[What happened then, Ben?]
[Yeah, what happened?]
Well, I went back to sleep...
[You went back to sleep?!]
[Shit!]
Tired man, went back to sleep.
and in the morning
I couldn't believe my eyes
oh well, the corpse with a long, white beard
was dangling over the fire
[ha ha ha!]
oh, Santa, he's a big, fat fuck
went down the chimney, got his fat ass stuck
oh, honey call the lawyers fast,
'cause Mrs. Claus is gonna sue my ass
hey, hey, hey!
[hey!]
Okay Grandpa, step up.
Sing in this thing right here.
Tell them what you saw,
tell them what you saw, Grandpa!
I gotta tell you folks
he wasn't wearing no clothes
[No clothes?!]
he must have rubbed a whole gallon of Crisco
from his back, down to his toes
while I was talking to the cops outside,
the dog was lickin' Crisco off of his thighs
they hauled him away in a double-wide
what a sad, sad way to die
Santa, he's a big, fat fuck
went down the chimney, got his fat ass
oh, honey call the lawyers fast,
Mrs. Claus is gonna sue our ass
Play it Grandpa.
[Yeah, play it!]
Let's tell them a little story
about what happened this Christmas.
[Yeah, tell them!]
Christmas Eve
I didn't get much sleep
I kept hearing things
heavy breathing from the chimney...
who could it be?
[I'll tell you what it was...]
[What happened then, Ben?]
[Yeah, what happened?]
Well, I went back to sleep...
[You went back to sleep?!]
[Shit!]
Tired man, went back to sleep.
and in the morning
I couldn't believe my eyes
oh well, the corpse with a long, white beard
was dangling over the fire
[ha ha ha!]
oh, Santa, he's a big, fat fuck
went down the chimney, got his fat ass stuck
oh, honey call the lawyers fast,
'cause Mrs. Claus is gonna sue my ass
hey, hey, hey!
[hey!]
Okay Grandpa, step up.
Sing in this thing right here.
Tell them what you saw,
tell them what you saw, Grandpa!
I gotta tell you folks
he wasn't wearing no clothes
[No clothes?!]
he must have rubbed a whole gallon of Crisco
from his back, down to his toes
while I was talking to the cops outside,
the dog was lickin' Crisco off of his thighs
they hauled him away in a double-wide
what a sad, sad way to die
Santa, he's a big, fat fuck
went down the chimney, got his fat ass
oh, honey call the lawyers fast,
Mrs. Claus is gonna sue our ass
Lyrics submitted by SublmnlmEssagesX
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This belongs in the Ben Folds solo area.
Funny.
hah. wow. ben and the guys have a bizzare sense of humor.