i met a non-dairy creamer
explicitly laid out like a fruitcake
with a wet spot
bigger than a great lake
took me to the new church
and baptized me with salt
she told me, "liquor"
i am a new man

hot freaks

this one is on the house
this one is better than ever

i walked into the house of miraculous recovery
and stood before king everything
and he asked me to join him in the red wing
took me to pie land
said, "i'm a thigh man"
i will be eternally hateful

hot freaks
hot freaks
hot freaks

this one is on the house
this one is better than ever
and this one is on the house
this one is better than ever
this one is on the house
this one is better than ever

Lyrics submitted by one hit wonder

Hot Freaks song meanings
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  • +3
    General CommentIn interviews Bob has said that his songwriting is affected by the fact that he taught grade school kids for so many years, so that his lyrics are often akin to "fairy tales for grown-ups". This one falls into that category, I think.

    He seems to be in some kind of alternate world or dimension, and then encounters these "freak" personages. It's similar to the song "Big Boring Wedding"--the one where the chorus goes "pass the word the chicks are back," (a line lifted from a very outdated advertisement I think). In BBW he sings "I have entered a shiny new realm, a very different and very spoiled world...Colin, thank you for such delicious pie."

    (hmmm, another "pie" reference... Bob is a fanatical record collector. I wonder--given the prior reference to oral sex--whether he mentally associates "pie" with pudenda. I'm thinking of the notorious album cover from the late '60s or early '70s in which a grandmotherly woman is proferring a pie with one slice already cut out -- and if you look closely at the place where the slice is missing, it looks very much like female genitalia. Sorry can't recall the name of the band or LP, but I think the cover was by far the most memorable thing they did, anyway)

    I've wondered whether the lines in "Jar of Cardinals" might also refer to oral sex...specificially: "She was high and I was low/Sitting in a bungalow/Eating something wonderful/Never ever getting full" (hmm, this also has that nursery rhyme quality to it)

    I don't think there's any deep meaning here. It's surreal and funny. "I will be eternally hateful" is classic. Bob's ease with wordplay ought to be more celebrated, but I'd guess GbV's music was just too weird to ever have gained a mass audience.
    foreverdroneon June 26, 2007   Link
  • +1
    General CommentThis is what I THOUGHT the song was about, before you shattered my illusions:
    non-dairy creamer: vegan
    fruit cake: mental person who eats fruit (i.e. someone who is crazy to be a vegan)
    wet-spot: who'd been laid out (for being a vegan) and was bleeding copiously
    new church: crazy vegan religion
    they have a tequila; she shows him vegans are cool

    this one's on the house (talking about alcohol)

    after becoming a vegan, he wanders back one day into a meat-eater's house. The meat-eater has a wider experience of things (hence king everything) and invites him to eat meat with him, in the form of pies and chicken.
    He does eat the meat; (hence 'recovery') and the experience leaves him bitter and cynical, turning him into the person who beat up the vegan in the first place.

    So it reads like a witty piece of social commentary. 'Should we beat vegans?' Robert Pollard asks ironically, if they drink alcohol. Furthermore, was the protagonist right to join veganism just because they also drink alcohol?

    But no, it's a song ABOUT FUCKING BLOW JOBS.
    sammy_mendelon September 18, 2006   Link
  • 0
    General Commentthe first verse appears to be about oral sex, as i'm sure everyone got. The second is about boasting about sexual conquests
    rivieraon June 02, 2004   Link
  • 0
    General Commentway to poke fun at glam rock, eh?
    erriganon November 17, 2004   Link
  • 0
    General CommentThis song is SEXY
    mybodyisacageon February 25, 2008   Link
  • 0
    General CommentIs it not "She told me (to) lick her. I am a new man"
    mybodyisacageon March 07, 2008   Link
  • 0
    General Comment"liquor" appears on the lyric sheet

    but the ambiguity is almost certainly intentional

    there's an old joke, often in the form of a sign on the wall of a tavern: "liquor in the back, poker in the rear"
    mandcon April 28, 2008   Link
  • 0
    General Commentoops, "liquor in the front" i mean
    mandcon April 28, 2008   Link
  • 0
    General CommentI'm willing to bet that the meat-eater vs. vegan theory is not what Bob Pollard was going for on this one. Even if this track isn't entirely sexual, I'm sure Bob realized that he made several references to cunnilingus in it (they seem to be pretty obvious).
    deapokidon January 25, 2009   Link
  • 0
    General Commentsuper sexy. i love this song.
    dirtyversionon March 11, 2010   Link

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