• 03/21/03 -- ?Happy?

    by Adidasx007 on March 21, 2003 yo, just thought id update for today. today was alright..like i took a lortab (omg this drug has made my life better, im like so content and happy and not mad or sad at all.) last night and i chilled it was tight, and then i fell asleep and i felt so good, then laura woke me up..and was like drunk and kept telling me she loved me. and she said she wanted me to kiger her...and she said she wanted to kiss me and stuff. Man if i wasn't so christian and like conservative, i would be like :) i get to see a pussy and finger it and junk and wow! i get to kiss someone! but sadly i don't really want to. i mean seeing pussy is like a dream but i think i should wait til i get married.. :-\ or something. Oh well... omg :-D me and sally are like not mad at each other, oh im so happy, she like so you found anyone to like, and i want to say megan, but like i mean i like megan alot..but i seriously don't think megan likes me anymore, i know she may, but we haven't talk so i get worried..im worried casue she doesn't really know what i look like and i just want to be like aww megan i love ya!! and call her which i havne't and i said i would... ill just say that i thought she hated me, which is a big reason, but its mostly casue im scared. its wierd...i really want to tell sally that i love her, but i know i can't... oh well..she is like going to a co-ed sleepover, man i wish i could do that with her, but i know she really doesn't like me that much. i want to do sometihng with her but i don't want to mess things up again. i hate that im like still in love with sally...i mean its like fuck... if only things could be diff.. i want to find a girl and it just be fucking gravy and we be together forever. i want to settle down so badly. im so tired of searching.. im down to the only person i like is megan, i like sally but i know that is never gonna be agian and all thats there is nothing i wish it would be. I really like megan, its like i liked her so much liek 2 weeks ago. like when i jsut broke up with sally...like i would jsut look at her picture and smile. Shes beautiful, like shes the ones liek when i went through the yearbook and said damn shes hot. amber was one of those girls... and me and amber were like the disaster. so im kinda worried that what if me and megan are like that. like i think im not going to be like scared to tell her that im going to get off the phone caue dead silence kills...i just wish i could talk..like the last time( first time) i talk to megan there wasn't much silence, but then gain we only talked for a couple minutes. so i don't know. it alwasy seems that we(all girls) talk all the time and alot, then we go out adn its like i have a big trouble talking to them. man i really want to make megan happy casue i was sucha big failure with sally, like omg what was i thinking? i think it was meant that we weren't suppost to talk, like we wernt' meant to be and thats cool. i just want to find that someone. man this lortab just kicked in...man i love this..like i just feel so at ease. like ugh i just want to tell sally i love her alot. i can't though.. :-\ wow she cleared her profile YAY!! that makes me happy... the one thing i love about this drug is that i just am calm and that i know i could hop into bed and fall asleep. i would make this jounal public casue im not all ina fight. but yeah if sally knew i was popping pills shed hate me and i really can't have that, i don't want that... like i blocked her in all but i aslways hada clone open and id just wish that shed put up an away message so i could hear sometihng from her. haha man thats sad..oh well...wow.. kelly just imed me..wow i feel like relaly good..like i said i was being childish.,..but she was like as long as you see that you have a problem and i wanted to say i don't havea problem but man i don't care, i don't want to start anything...man i feel so good right now...oh..sorry..back to the reason this isn't going to be public.. is becasue i said that i liked megan and i don't want sally to know that, which she may, but yeah... oh well man.. i think im going to go... im selling my old computer (gateway) for $100 dollers :-D so i get some money!! yee...i tihnk im giving it to him tommrrow. hehe whoo! :-DDD Adidasx007: sally im like feeling really good and i jsut wanted to say im sorry for any and all the hurting i casued you to feel, i want you to know i love ya and i will always and forever be here for you and ill always have a ear open if you wanna talk about anything... SaL4303: aww thanks stone i'm sorry too and i love ya too and the same goes for you hun Adidasx007: thanks sally SaL4303: anytime man im just so happy at this moment and wowowowowowow im tired... i really don't knwo what else to say..so i guess ill go... man...i think i needed to discover lortabs...omg how they have changed my life... and wow..im thinking about things..liek this time yesterday sally didn't like me in the least and kelly either...and now me and sally are cool and me and kelly...are cool? i guess so..whoo!!! and man life is grand... im done.. ill update tommrrow prob...maybe one of these days ill make my entrees public again..one of theses days...and i guess if your reading this i guess i have and i want you to please don't hate me for being a drug taker...it has helped me more than you'll ever know..its pulled me out of depression and put me into one of the happiest moments in my life... :-D night...andrew...heh :) -- this won't be too long... mostly casue i don't want to write that much again for the public version of todays journal entree. well today was pretty cool... kinda boring... i woke up. like at 8 and my throat hurt so badly like i thought i had strep so i got up and my mom was talking to my sis in the bathroom and i touched my moms hair and she jumped so high it was so funny. so i went back to bed and woke up about 12... got on here..chilled most of the day and then about 130 or so cody come over(my 5 year old neighbor) and i had to babysit him...so he came in my room and played video games..ugh my room was such a mess and he doesn't know how to play and he was calling everything stupid i was like :-O oh no you didn't! so i made him koolaid and it was so nasty ew i hate it..not really..but its not that good... and then he was like die die die!! and i was liek :-\ i think i gave him to much koolaid ... so then i got done with that kirb called and i talke dto him for about a hour or so and we set things up. about the computer im selling him (YAY! i get $100 dollers!!) and so i jsut chilled here and my sisters wedding invatations were suppost to come in but they didn't . and so i just lazed around most of the rest of the day and then me and adam walked to the bp and got some capachino :-D yeah! oh crap i think this stuff is wearing off... no!! the good feelings going away...man The Birthday Massacre is like the best band. if anyone wants there cd ill burn it for you. its good stuff... im really liking them... wow thats really nothing like my private journal entree...oh well i guess ill go, im sleepy and i love life so yeah im going to go. wow today has been crazy.... amazing i guess...and happy doesn't being to subscribe me now... night fellers ;) --- and like i wrote to sally... [[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[ :(( sally...i can't im you...i couldn't.. ugh i can't help this... like i just want to be your friend. no i want to be your best friends... i wanna be the person you can tell anything to..tell everything too... i wanna be the guy that you call at 4am when you sad and want to talk to someone, i want to be so much more than friends...if only i could...i want to just be your closest friend. And if i die i wanna save you a place and heaven and wait for you, and be with you there... i want to be your friend forever. and if i can't have you as a friend then i fear i may just die and die somemore, cause you make me so happy, and i want you to see that your so special and i wish you could see that you are the moon and the stars, you make the world go around, it just kills me to see you sad, just as im crying now, i just hate that things have to be so much like this, i jsut want to say that i love you i will always be here if you need me til the day i die sally i swear, i will still do anything for you and if you need anything, ANYTHING, i will get it, id give you the world sally...and i know that might not mean much... but i want you know that and i know this is so stupid of me to be crying this much but sally i want you to be so happy and i just want you to be and i guess what im trying to say is tha i just want you to be happy with what you have and i hope you are happy. Cause you've just made my life great. i don't know why im doing this, i...i really don't... i didn't want to break down like this... i didn't mean to write this..i meant to just keep it inside...i..i just thought about it and im listening to my depresssion/chill/break-up mix and i jsut thought aobut you and how much i want you to be happy and i i...i just wanted to tell you that...:(( i know i sound pathetic but... i don't know...i just thought about this and i jsut thought i would tell you...i hope you are happy and ill always be here for you... :-\.... ]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]] and she wrote- aww stone, that made me cry! i'm sorry for being mean to you, you're the best and that was so sweet. i would love for us to be best friends. i just never would've thought you wanted it like that, like i thought you hated me or something. i dunno. im me or call me or something and we'll talk. :o) bye hun --------------------------------------------------- last night was wild... and i woke up at like 7:30...i wrote another entree... ****************************************** omg its so early...i shouldn't have went to bed so early...like i walked around my house and my moms asleep and my dad was asleep downstairs and i was like WTF and my mom woke up and is convinced that i sisn't got o sleep last night and my dad was singing to me about my hostess boxers and i was like spinning in circles...it was wild ..oh man last night was the opidimy of amamzing, i seriously lost it and broke down...like after i wrote that moon and stars thing.. it just came out and ive never cried so much , and i know that sounds like im a baby but i couldn't help it. i havn't cried like that in forever i would imagine. it just flowed out and when i was done i still felt all bad but i felt good thought...iffff you can do that... and omg that [The Mix] is the best mix omg...like it was good before. but like it seriously from track 1 to track 19 i changed so much. like around track 6 i got the courage to write that, i liked it, it made me cry i was like :-\ ...err... but like i stopped crying and then it got to Taking Back Sunday - Eleven and i use to listen to that all the time with hannah...and i just reamember ..like what it could never be and i was listening to the words and i just bawled(sP)? man i felt so gay, like i was tring to stop but i couldn't.. :-\ man im tired of typing, so i tihnk i might try and go back to bed..i mean wtf...why am i up at like 7:45 now... oh well... its Friday and The Worlds a Beautiful Place. Pez712: im out though holla back shorty shorty??? ******************************************* No Comments
  • March 19, 2003

    by Adidasx007 on March 19, 2003 Cocaine
    Cocaine. You like to talk, you like to run, but most of all you like to have fun.

    Which drug should you be hooked on? [now with pictures]
    brought to you by Quizilla [My Journal] No Comments
  • March 19, 2003

    by Adidasx007 on March 19, 2003 //// No Comments
  • 03-18-03 // Tonights Tommrrows Backup

    by Adidasx007 on March 19, 2003 hey...yeah its wierd now its like now i know its only me seeing this, so it just makes me feel wierd, kinda stupid. Oh well...ill go through today's ____ (what happened today)... well lets start with i stayed up til almost 7am...see i was going to bed at like 6 but i was coughing and like i kinda threw up a lil and i was like swallow! and i did and i just got this feelings like i was going to do it again so i was like fuck this, so i went to the bathroom...and sure enough...i threw up and it was nasty...then i did it a couple more times. So then i was like neat i prob woke mom or dad up casue they wake up like if you dropped a penny on the carpet outside there room theyd wake up...so yeah i was like neat. but they didn't wake up...which supprissed me,and it was getting light outside so i was like :-D YAY!!! so i quickly got back in bed ...and go to sleep...i also wrote my mom to wake me up at 10...she said she did, but i dought she really tried. or maybe i was really out of it...one of the two. so then i wake up at about 12 or so and im like :-\ great, casue mom left to picadilly and i get on here and i was like trying to not let savage know what cXe means and he had it on his profile. i was like :((((((((((((( and i was just thinking neat this day is so fucked up...so kirb im's me and hes like come soon and that made me happy casue we were suppost to trade the drugs (15 mepheridime(sP) for some drugs that he gave me, im taking one right now, um..kirb said it would make me trip out or something i don't know really what it is...:-\ ...so yeah i call my mom and takea shower then i finally call her backa gain and she doesn't answer, so then she calls back and then she comes home and takes me over to kirbys...we had some trouble finding it but we did...so i got there went up to kirbs room, its not as (well i didn't know what to expect) but it was cool... he had all these drugs there and iwas like WoRd... so they fiddled with the computer trying to get it to work...it smoked a couple times, which is funny and me and kirby traded....see it thougth id get like all these drugs and crap and he showed what he was giving me and it was like 5 pills, it was disapointing to say the least...so then kirb asks jesse if he wants some drugs and kirb gives jesse a "sample pack" haha and he kept telling me if i wanted some drugs just tell him, and so i was like can i get some of this or sometihng like that...so then he gave me a sample pack and i got some xanax and some crap....most of this stuff is just anti-stuff and pain meds...so i got out with about 7 pills or so...im taking something...its a really small pill and i hope it starts working..i think it may be beging to work...i don't know though...so then kirbs computer never started working ...so i told him id sale him my old gateway and he was like :-DDDDDDD A LOT and i was like heh: ) so im saling him that...so that will give me some money, which i need... casue im dwindling down to like $15 or so... so then i left kirbs and we all planed to meet at the mall at 6:30...so we all did...well not jesse..he never showed up...but it was me and kirby and like i got there and i just was like...damn i want to be like looking at girls and crap, and kirb was saying "you got megan" when i don't "have" megan,but i was like fuck man i don't care anymore i just want to be all flirty or something, but yeah...there really wasn't to amny girls there...i mean i guess the ones that were i looked at and i knew a copule of them were like looking longer than i was and i wanted to turn and look at them, but i didn't. So my a kirb walk around, i saw kari, or i think it was...it was cool even though it wasn't like a big thing. So we eat..then walk some more, then i guess we go race and we race 3 times on RUSH 2049 and guess who wins everytime we play that game.? me ! heh..i just kill it and kirby almost won...we kept playing casue kirb wanted to win..but i can't allow that! so ya know i get home....and its like i get on the journal and kellys all pissed and im like :-[ casue i didn't mean to or anything... and then i told trev[e]r earier today that i blocked sally and LOW AND BEHOLD he tells sally so sally is mad at me, oh well i can't tell him anything else anymore. so im kinda like :( casue sallys mad and i could unblock her but..i dunno...i guess i should. it just makes me feel bad when shes on and i know she won't talk to me, so i was like ok sence she says she not going to talk to me, then im just going to block her so i don't have to feel so bad, but i guess that made her mad. so i feel stupid, well stupider, ya know..casue i still have feelings and its just gay gay gay of me and i guess everyones right when they tell me its stupid to be acting like this...oh.. well the night went pretty boring i guess.... nothing exciting... i took this drug and i really hope it starts working soon... i don't know what its suppost to do, hopefully makes me all high or something...i don't know, i thought it was working before but i don't know....i just yawned...is that a sign? no i think thats just a normal thing...ok, nevermind... well i jsut thought id write in this today.... its nice knowing (BIG YAWN) that i don't have to worry about what people think about my jounal. But its going to be wierd. but its wierd. liek i wrote this much...jsut for myself.. :-\ anyways night No Comments
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