i wrote your name in the sand. but the ocean washed it away. i wrote your name on my hand. but it just faded away. i wrote your name on a piece of paper. but i accidently lost it. or did i? i wrote your name in the sand and i let the ocean wash it away. i wrote your name on a piece of paper. but i proposely threw it away. why you ask. you say its mean. well i'll tell you this and we'll let it be. i carved your name on my heart because that is where it will be forever.

July 28,2008 Hey Kristin & Kate, What's up? I was glad that you guys came out to visit me. I didn'nt care how many people were mad that you guys were there. I didn't think I was ever going to see you guys in person again. when you guys said that you felt like you were in the land of hate well it didn't end there after you guys left. Loni was so pissed like always and she freakin' through cheese at me cause I was ask

December 29, 2007 I think Kylie and Coach Snow are dating because Coach Snow has been taking Kylie home or takes her back to her house or something. Coach Snow is always inviting her to all the basketball stuff and she goes to our basketball games. Not to mention we were playing this game called apple to apples at mary's grandma's for a christmas party and Kylie was there of course and it was her turn and there was something about toys and Coach Snow said something to Kylie like it depends on what kind of toys. Then what was kind of werid was Coach Snow was making all these comments about guys like that guy is not that bad looking. Also when we were playing apple to apples the cateagory was ugly and I think Coach Snow or Kylie put men are ugly since Kylie and Coach Snow are lesbians. But I think is is kind of werid how Kylie and Coach Snow are together cause then that means I can see kylie cause I love Kylie. She is freakin' sweet and I can't believe she thinks that I never talk. I have always thought she was hot and I am shy around those people besides Coach McConnell I think she is hot. I don't know what I am going to do when I can't see Coach Snow or Coach McConnell or Kylie anymore. I think I will go crazy. I am going to miss Sierra and Kelly Dearman alot out of the captians. Sierra always touches my ass which is pretty hot. I love Sierra. I am going to miss Kelly alot during Cross Country cause she was my slacking buddy. Also I won't be able to see her run in her sports bra like she did one time at practice.

September 7th, 2008 So I was Brandee the counsler from Red Cabin. BRANDEE: I just wanted to say hi and I miss you! I haven't talked to you in awhile! what are you up to? ME: I am at a cross country meet. Dude did you get the text about Ricki. I think that is freakin' awesome. BRANDEE: Lol. Yah. How do you know Ricki is Bi? like maybe that is why she is obessed with you. don't forget I said I can see her being a lesbian. ME: cause I seen it on her myspace and I told her I didn't care if she was. and that was Taylor that was obessed with me. Ricki was obessed with my voice. BRANDEE: I think Ricki had a crush on you dude. I mean I know Taylor did. But so did Ricki. ME: I know well I have a crush on Kimmie. I mean I actually like Ricki. well what did you do today? BRANDEE: Went to my parents house. I went to the football game last night and chilled with friends and boyfriend. ME: O well I have been hanging out with the cross country team a lot the pass couple days but this was a good conversation we had about Ricki having a crush on me and stuff.

ME: Hey how have you been? JAYME: I'm good darlin......how are you? ME: yeah. I am pretty good. i need to talk/tell you something. JAYME:Ok...tell me!! ME: well i know that you arent a judgement person well i see you as a person that isnt judgement but i wanted to tell you that i am a lesbian and it has take me a while to build up to tell you. cause i know i have deny it alot. and i know that this was a really ramdom time to tell you but the best for me. JAYME: sweetheart you should never be afriad to tell me anything and you are right....i am not a judgement and i feel the same way as i did before.....i still love you. ME: yeah....i shouldnt have been scared but you just never know how someone will react. but skool and this has been kind of with homecoming coming up saturday. JAYME: I'm sorry. are you going with friends? have you told many people how you fee? ME: well no cause they really don't know but they have an idea. i wanted to take this girl from watkins to homecoming but our skool doesn't let girls bring girls. JAYME: you can't even bring someone as a friend? your school should not be allowed to discriminate against that. ME: nope not even as a friend. but yeah i know they shouldn't but they are doing it. JAYME: well then you can't bring anybody from an outside school. right? ME:no you can bring a guy if you are a girl from outside of skool and a guy can bring a girl but not girl bring a girl or guy bring a guy. JAYME: have you talked to a school counselor about that? they are completely confidental and that is very illegal. ME: really i would but i am def. closeted at skool and my aunt works in the office but i should prolly say something. JAYME: well......if you talked to a guidance counselor they can't say anything. it is completely confidental ME: yeah that is true, JAYME: I think you should Em. that isn't fair and there might be someone out there just like you with the same issures. ME: yeah I know.

I really miss seeing Kimmie, Bertha, Bobbi, Emily K, Brandee and Rachel "Saccy". These were all the people that I talked a lot too when I was at camp the summer of '08. At least I can talk to them either myspace, facebook, or email. Bobbi was one of the people that I really liked at camp. she was so completive when we played games with the kids. People always thought that she was mean. She was always making me laugh especially when she was around Rachel. Bobbi and Bertha always was joking around with me saying I was gay and butch and all that stuff. Bobbi makes me laugh all the time if I was upset, mad, pissed, or whatever mood I was in. Bobbi is so freakin' awsome I wish that she was my English 10 teacher that would be sweet. I miss Kimmie alot I have message her a couple times on myspace and I have texted her a couple times. I miss her hugs they were probably the best hugs I ever got from someone. I hope it didn't creep Kimmie out that I told her that I had a huge crush on her. Bertha was a second mom to me. She liked me a lot. she called me her "Baby girl." she always around with me and I always joked around with her. Her hugs were really good too. When I was sick she made sure she stayed by my side when I was sleeping til I felt better. When I was cold she gave me one of her blankets and then she eventually gave it to me to have memories of her. I sleep with it just about every night. She also gave me a picture of the staff of the summer of '08 and told me I would be in that picture someday. Brandee is like a sister to me we always talked to each other every night before we went to bed. she was always understood me. When I told her I was gay she still let me sleep in the same sleeping bag lol. Emily K. I really didn't like her when I first met her but she was one of those people you have to get to know first. Once I got to know her she was freakin' awesome. she was always joking with me. Rachel "Saccy" she fuckin crack me up when she was around Bobbi and they talked about them going to gay clubs together. Rachel showed us how she freakin' dance at the clubs lol it was hilarious!!!

ME: hey ricki, what's up? how is school?? you talk to anybody from camp since we left camp?? -Emily RICKI: hey well i miss you so much school is ok well i have talked to stacey but thats it how is school for you? ME: well that is kool that you are kinda of liking school. i don't start school til september 2nd cause we just buildt now elementarys so we have to get them ready for the school year. so you really don't like taylor cause i figure you guys would work things out and maybe be friends outside of camp. -Emily RICKI: no she tried to say that she was going to beat my ass and I knew she couldn't so I said something to herself ME: o i didn't hear about that. did this happen at camp??? well i have a question on your myspace for your sexaul orientation are you really bi or bi- curious or is it just a joke. if you are that is fine. it does brother me at all. :) RICKI: yeah it was at camp she was being dumb and i guess my brother and her are still dating and same with stacey and rex they are dating....its cute....but yeah i am bi. ME: that is pretty funny that they still have their little camp boyfriends. that is kool but yeah i am gay so yeah if you ever need to talk or anything i am here. so how has school been? i just start today and it was any ok first day of skool lol. -Emily RICKI: well I kinda figured it out at camp when I told u that taylor liked u and u said sorry shes too young so I kinda figured it out...lol...so do u have a girlfriend ME: No I don't have a girlfriend. But i actually like you a lot. i couldn't tell you at camp because if someone would have found out i could have got kicked out of camp or at least got in trouble. well do you have a girlfriend or boyfriend? do you talk to Bobbi or as you call her TT? -Emily RICKI: uhm well no i dont have a girlfriend or a boyfriend and uhm well i didnt know that you liked me that was a shock.....lol but yeah it was i like you too ME: why is it a shocker that i like you?? but that is really kool that you like me. what do you like about me?? would you ever consider dating?? -Emily RICKI: uhm well i think cause you didnt really act like it i guess you were more closed in about it but i understand cause we were at camp...what i like about you.....well i love the fact that you tell people whats on your mind and that your not one of those girls that let themselves become available and you already know thati love your voice.....lol!!!! and i dont know i would consider it the only problem i would ever have with that is i wouldnt really see you ME: well yeah i really like you alot. but i am glad that you understand that i couldn't be open about it at camp cause i could have got in serious trouble. but i like you alot your presonilty i love your laught it is just amazing. you always made me laught at camp. At camp you wouldnt let anybody fuck with you for the most part you didn't really let people piss you off.well i told you at the end of camp when you were about to leave and i said you are my favorite camper that is not a lie at all. i would defintily consider dating if it came down to it i would found time to spented with you but the only bad part is my mom doesn't know about me at all. -Emily RICKI: o ok well i do understand and that sucks that your mom dont know my mom knows that i am bi she doesnt care but its ok that we didnt get to spend that much time together but have you ever dated a guy? just wondering....and you always made me laugh too ME: yea i have dated a couple like benny (bri's Brother) and i haven't dated a guys since. and i don't like guys lol you know. well my mom wouldn't care either i am just not ready for her to know. RICKI: i understand ME: yeah so you talked to Bobbi or TT as you would call her? RICKI: uhm no i am supposed to write her i need to get on that ME: o yeah lol i have talked to her a little bit. did you know that she might not be coming back next year. well she might get a part time job a camp. well do you have a cell phone well if you have texting you can txt me when ever at 740-403-2382 RICKI:

On december 12, 2007 I was talking to Derek. He asked me how I was doing and I told him I was doing pretty good. Then he asked me who I hated . I told him Emily Sparks. Derek asked why and I told him because she was saying that I was gay. Then he asked if it was true and I said maybe. He said that was not an answer so I said yeah I am gay. He said that it was horrible. I told him I didn't think it was horrible when he said he was gay in 7th grade. I was telling him that Emily Sparks says that her mom is not gay that was just her moms really good friend. I was thinking that if it was her moms really good friend they prolly wouldn't sleep in the same bed.

This is a message that I wrote to Kimmie letting her know how it really meant a lot to me for her accepting me for me being a lesbian and that I was scared to tell her. Also the feelings that I have towards her. Hey Kimmie, What’s up? So I know it has only been one day that I been away from you. Well I wanted to thank you for accepting me for who I am and that you don’t care that I am a gay. I was really scared to tell you. I am not sure why I was scared to tell you that is why I had Brandee tell you. I love you to death I have the huge crush on you. But I know that we would never happen together cause you are straight , you are too old for me it would be illegal for you to be with me, and the fact that you have a boyfriend. Well Brandee to me what Bobbi said about “If i am not gay now that I would be in the future.” or something to that affect. Also the thing that she wrote in my memory book about she hope that I found the rainbow and that she is sure of that and she has her arms wide open for me. So I was going to call you last night but you were at the staff party and I didn’t want to ruin your fun by me calling you. I have been stressed since we had the closing ceremony with the whole Mikey thing and the campers leaving. I think I have cryed a lot in the lasted two days that I have in a really long time. I am really upset about Bertha and Bobbi not coming back next year I love them to death and I just met them this year and it feels like I have known them for awhile. That is the same about you too I really didn’t know but I have known of you. I have became really close to you too. I don’t know want I would do if you don’t come back next year. Brandee doesn’t even know if she will be back next year cause she might be going to Canada or something. Camp just wouldn’t be the same if all of you guys aren’t there next year. It is bad enough that Bertha and Bobbi are for sure not coming back. We need to hang out sometime not even kidding. Brandee, you, and I need to go see a movie together or something because I want to keep in touch with you guys all year around not that crap that always happens where you just talk to the person during the summer. Well I love you a lot and you better be coming back next year. I am definitely going to be there next year. Love, Emily

AUGUST 22, 2008 ME: Hey Bertha!! What's up? So a week from today is the last day that I saw you. It feels like it has been forever since I saw you and I alreay miss you. ( I miss you the day after camp) I was so sad when I found out that you aren't coming back next year but we all need to move on sometime. Well since you aren't going to be at camp next year you are going to have to come visit me. Bobbi is going to come visit me and other people that she likes at camp if she doesn't work part time. Also Bobbi is going to cheer me on at 2 of my cross country meets. Also I wanted you to know I am a lesbian. Alot of people sat that you can't know what you want when you are 16 or whatever. But I know what I want. :) Bobbi told me that you guys already had the idea that I was and that I didn't need to tell you guys. :) Well I miss you tons!!!! :) love, Emily BERTHA: Emily, Hey babygirl ! I miss you too. It was hard for me to leave camp knowing that I may not be able to come back. But no one but God knows what is going to happen tommorrow or any time in the future. If I don't come back, I promise that i will visit you. I hope to be able to come with Bobbi to see you run. I do want to cheer you on. Yea Emily!!!! As for the other thing, ok. We did know. Be safe. Take care of yourself. Keep in touch! :) Bertha