sadness after christmas

  • December 26, 2004 listening to: 'elanor rigby' by the beatles god i'm confused. and i'm alone with it. all the lonely people...where do they all belong? well firstly....i just created a profile thing on myspace.com. i was looking at the profiles of people that i know that live here, and i came across my x's new girlfriend's. i'm sorry, but to me she comes across as a ditzy brainless idiot. and there are all her little friends that post on her profile and say they love her and all that, ramblings. i don't get it. and its funny, its all pink and sparkly and blah blah blah, and mine has a gray/black background of kurt cobain keeled over a guitar with red font. its just, opposite. and i'm not saying that i'm such a rebel motherfucker and her a prep because, after all, she DID have an incubus video on her site...but anyway we're just polar opposites, in everything we say and do. alex went across the spectrum when he broke up with me....and to the other side. and what REALLY depressed me is that after every one of her brainless blogs he comes back and posts that he 'loves her sooo much' and all that...... what he used to say to me i just don't get why he lied and said all that stuff and lately i've really tried not to concentrate on it but i just.....can't.... its not that i still like him because i don't, but the fact that he lied, cheated and then dumped me and THEN parades his girlfriend around and completely treats me like SHIT....when i was SOOO good to him...why do i deserve this? what did i do? i don't understand it! things have improved, last night when he left my house with david and ian he stayed behind and said he would call me. we had a long talk that night....politics and religion and all that. i think we connected on an intellectual level, certainly positive in it's own right. i guess. he's human, we all are. and we make mistakes. but repetitively? like he did? i just don't know. maybe i'm the experiment, the girl that just did'nt matter. his way of saying to the world that he is ready to date other girls, and i'm just the beginning and the end. the end.
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