I believe it's like this - he understood he was born w a family and part of it but stood out respectively to others bc of his talent. His parents turned a blind eye to the reality he understood but they thought was just a phase or just non achievable dream and never supported anything he did not just the talent. Abusive verbally and physically created a monster w this internal reality that he lived inside that others couldn't see or know other than by him telling or trying to explain to them. He them carried the monster w him as he went and it grew from minion to Demon bc of how fucked he felt by those he was supposed to count on and believe their input. Then adult and in the world he had to adjust bc he was mad at every body including himself for believing their bullshit. Like most talented musicians/artists drugs became the ally and escape from day to day shit in the world to a full emersion into his own reality. But guilt somewhere played a big part bc he was made to believe he was wrong when nothing was wrong w him but yet others lacked the ability to see how awesome his talent was. He probably got close to death many more times than once and through desire to see where it would lead and anger to show everyone he isn't wrong or a failure he worked his way back to good enough to maintain but still can snap at milli sec on something or someone bc he lived within that reality of theirs so long he got sickness or a cancer from it and it pissed him off further. But this song I can feel all of it. Love. Betrayal. Anger. Guilt. Madness. And can hear the beauty of mastermind ing it into a constructive outlet for holding what was in there. I would not want to be the person he directed it towards and then get to listen to it when he brought it by completed bc I'm sure that was a day of change to the soul of that person ever really cared for him at all. I love it but it hurts
I believe it's like this - he understood he was born w a family and part of it but stood out respectively to others bc of his talent. His parents turned a blind eye to the reality he understood but they thought was just a phase or just non achievable dream and never supported anything he did not just the talent. Abusive verbally and physically created a monster w this internal reality that he lived inside that others couldn't see or know other than by him telling or trying to explain to them. He them carried the monster w him as he went and it grew from minion to Demon bc of how fucked he felt by those he was supposed to count on and believe their input. Then adult and in the world he had to adjust bc he was mad at every body including himself for believing their bullshit. Like most talented musicians/artists drugs became the ally and escape from day to day shit in the world to a full emersion into his own reality. But guilt somewhere played a big part bc he was made to believe he was wrong when nothing was wrong w him but yet others lacked the ability to see how awesome his talent was. He probably got close to death many more times than once and through desire to see where it would lead and anger to show everyone he isn't wrong or a failure he worked his way back to good enough to maintain but still can snap at milli sec on something or someone bc he lived within that reality of theirs so long he got sickness or a cancer from it and it pissed him off further. But this song I can feel all of it. Love. Betrayal. Anger. Guilt. Madness. And can hear the beauty of mastermind ing it into a constructive outlet for holding what was in there. I would not want to be the person he directed it towards and then get to listen to it when he brought it by completed bc I'm sure that was a day of change to the soul of that person ever really cared for him at all. I love it but it hurts