here we are dear old friend
you and i drunk again
laughs have been and and tears have been shed
maybe the whiskey's gone to my head

but if i were gay
i would give you my heart
and if i were gay
you'd be my work of art
and if i were gay
we would swim in romance
but i'm not gay
so get your hand out of my pants

its not that i dont care -i do
i just dont see myself in you
another time, another scene
i'd be right behind you if you know what i mean

cause if i were gay
i would give you my soul
and if i were gay
i would give you my whole being
and if i were gay
we would tear down the walls
but i'm not gay
so wont you stop cupping my hand

we've never hugged
we've never kissed
i've never been intimate with your fist
you have opened brand new doors
get over here and drop your drawers

Lyrics submitted by *amanda*

If I Were Gay song meanings
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  • 0
    General CommentI love this sing its funkin halarious, one of my favs , hes actually pretty cute too
    KaTeSbAdDAYon June 01, 2002   Link
  • 0
    General CommentI remember this song because it was on A Comedy Central half-hour special one time. "Special Ed" is still the funniest one, but I like this one a lot too.
    revidescenton June 03, 2002   Link
  • 0
    General CommentHEy what is he is gay
    sofa kingdomon July 03, 2002   Link
  • 0
    General Comment*sniff* aww... that's so sweet... and the story of my life. *sighs*
    anemic_knifeprtyon September 09, 2002   Link
  • 0
    General Commentahh Stephen Lynch cracks me up....
    Absolutlyundoneworldon March 09, 2003   Link
  • 0
    General Commentrandom song but hilaroius! i luv stephen lynch!
    funkymonkey008on May 10, 2003   Link
  • 0
    General CommentActual title: "Gay." No "If I Were."
    Eamonon October 08, 2004   Link
  • 0
    General Commentok first of all the people that are here to put down stephen lynch need to leave now... stephen lynch is a comedian, he does this to entertain people, not to hear them bitch and call him names...

    I really enjoy this song, especially the pause.."wont you stop cupping my... hands".. hehe he also does that in gynecologist if youve ever heard that... "i think that ill stick to your c...front"
    Eclipsuson November 20, 2004   Link
  • 0
    General CommentThis is gagworthy and for a barf bag anybody?
    OpinionHeadon February 11, 2005   Link
  • 0
    General Comment...I actually think this song is really sweet. XD Compared to his other stuff, this isn't really perverted. And just... heh. It's cute!
    lookbeyondon July 20, 2006   Link

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