"If..." as written by and Neil Hannon....
If you were the road
I'd go all the way
If you were the night
I'd sleep in the day

If you were the day
I'd cry in the night
'Cause you are the way
The truth and the light

If you were a tree
I could put my arms around you
And you could not complain
If you were a tree

I could carve my name into your side
And you would not cry,
'Cause trees don't cry

If you were a man
I would still love you
If you were a drink
I'd drink my fill of you

If you were attacked
I would kill for you
If your name was Jack
I'd change mine to Jill for you

If you were a horse
I'd clean the crap out of your stable
And never once complain
If you were a horse

I could ride you through the fields at dawn
Through the day until the day was gone
I could sing about you in my songs
As we rode away into the setting sun

If you were my little girl
I would find it hard to let you go
If you were my sister
I would find it doubly so

If you were a dog
I'd feed you scraps from off the table
Though my wife complains
If you were my dog

I am sure you'd like it better
Then you'd be my loyal four legged friend
You'd never have to think again
And we could be together till the end


Lyrics submitted by JON

"If..." as written by Neil Hannon

Lyrics © Universal Music Publishing Group

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If... song meanings
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6 Comments

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  • +1
    General CommentNot a very good song for valentine's day says I though made all the mroe great because of that.

    "If you were my dog
    I am sure you'd like it better
    Then you'd be my loyal four legged friend
    You'd never have to think again"

    I think Hannon's character is this song is a man who wants possession of a woman. He wants her to be utterly devoted to him, to the extent that, he doesn't even want her to think for herself. This is a sinister obsessive song but made all the more brilliant and honest for it.
    the_associateon April 13, 2006   Link
  • 0
    General CommentThis song is great! Funny, honest and sweet.

    And seriously, how many love songs have lyrics as brilliant as this:
    "If you were a horse
    I'd clean the crap out of your stable
    And never once complain"
    ToroTrashon June 12, 2003   Link
  • 0
    General CommentCute ! This is very cool. Does this exist anymore?
    shockdelicaon October 05, 2004   Link
  • 0
    General CommentCute ! This is very cool. Does this exist anymore?
    shockdelicaon October 05, 2004   Link
  • 0
    General Commentyeah, this song is one of the best out there. great song for valentine's day. hannon is a genius.
    Contristoon February 13, 2005   Link
  • 0
    General CommentThat's exactly what I thought, Associate. The whole song says to me that he doesn't care about having real interaction with the woman -- he doesn't need or even seem to want any input from her.

    "If you were a tree
    I could put my arms around you
    And you could not complain
    If you were a tree
    I could carve my name into your side
    And you would not cry,
    'Cos trees don't cry."

    That bit is particularly creepy, too. It seems to imply that she's not actually interested in him ('you couldn't complain'), and the 'trees don't cry' bit seems to imply that it WOULD hurt, his carving his name, but she just wouldn't cry. It's as you said -- he just wants to possess her.

    Not that I don't love the song, or anything. *g*
    Meinoson February 27, 2007   Link

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