It's all an open center
Opens up and lets the wind lift him away
It doesn't have to feel water
? It's just a place that feels right with him ?
Kinda like the way you're breathing
I kinda like the way you keep looking away
Would you like to glide on
Slide a mile six inches at a time on Maynard's dick

There's a shyness found in reason
Apprehensive influence swallow away
You seem to feel abysmal take it
? then you're careful grace for sure ?
Kinda like the way you're breathing
Kinda like the way you keep looking away
Would you like to climb on
Climb on my six inches and go down on Maynard's dick

Took you out in the back of the toolshed
Put it right on top of your forehead
Took you out in the back of the toolshed
Now you know what you're fuckin with... Maynard's dick!


Lyrics submitted by zekey baby

Maynard's Dick song meanings
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134 Comments

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  • +5
    General CommentHey I'd be proud to take a ride on Maynard's dick.
    DatheRon March 09, 2002   Link
  • +5
    General CommentThis song DOES have a very serious meaning... a hilariously serious meaning. anyone familiar with the phrase "get off my dick"? If someone is on your dick, it means they're all up in your shit because they adore you so much.

    Maynard is making fun of YOU, the fans, all up on his shit, trying to decipher every fucking word because you worship him so much. The cherry on top? "Maynards dick"is the phrase he has you singing at the top of your lungs. and when i say you i mean us lol cause im listening to this song right now and IT FUCKING ROCKS
    Tunes24on October 01, 2012   Link
  • +3
    General Commenttheir are only two guys that i would have sex with and thats maynard james keenan and dave brockie (oderous urungus of gwar)


    disclaimer: i'm not gay. thank you
    tricky_dickon March 14, 2002   Link
  • +2
    General CommentJust a fuckin-around kinda song. Or maybe it has a meaning SO DEEP, that we just aren't getting it.
    Galactic Cactuson April 17, 2002   Link
  • +2
    General Comment"Slide a mile six inches at a time on Maynard's dick."

    1 mile = 5,280 feet
    5280 x 2 = 10,560
    10,560 thrusts on Maynard's dick
    Average thrust is 1.2 seconds
    1.2 seconds x 10560 thrusts = 12,672 seconds
    12,672 seconds = 211 minutes 12 seconds
    211 minutes 12 seconds = 3 hours 31 minutes 12 seconds
    1 mile / 3 hr 31 min 12 sec = 0.2840909 mph

    Sliding a mile at 0.28409 mph for 3 hr 31 min 12 sec, getting thrusted 10,560 times...

    I'd hit it.
    Malteseon February 23, 2007   Link
  • +1
    General CommentThis song is hilarious. When I first got this album and this song started I was like, "wow a Tool song with a happy sound to it, I like it." And then it turns out to be about Maynards dick! Great song
    joshthackon April 19, 2002   Link
  • +1
    General CommentYou know what I love? How some of you guys call Maynard by his birth name like you know him or something. Oh yeah, the best part-you call him James while schooling others on how they should stop pretending they know everything about Tool. Man, I love people.
    beyond.i.imagineon January 10, 2007   Link
  • +1
    General Comment118 comments... you guys SURE do like to talk about some guy's dick, THAT'S for sure.
    [lowlife]on August 01, 2008   Link
  • 0
    General Commentonly six inches ??????

    hehe, just kidding :)

    all hail maynards dick :D
    *SoBeR~STiNKFiST*on January 27, 2002   Link
  • 0
    General CommentMy thoughts of this song is, first of all, this song has been around for a long time, they didnt just record it for salival. Ever try playing it? Its pretty easy... The lyrics are non sense. I believe this is actually Tool's first song as a band. They recorded this one awhile ago according to toolshed.down.net, but it only surfaced via Salival. I think they were just experimenting and getting familiar with each other.
    Nyfeon April 14, 2002   Link

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