This is the man that I plan to entangle
Isn't he fine?
My claim to fame was to maim and to mangle
Vengeance was mine
But I’m out of the biz
The name I made I'll trade for his
The only trouble is . . .
I’ll never tell

She is the one she's such wonderful fun
Such passion and grace
Warm in the night when I’m right
In her tight -
Embrace, tight embrace
I’ll never let her go
The love we've known can only grow
There's just one thing that . . .
No, I’ll never tell

Both: Because there's nothing to tell

He snores
She wheezes
Say, "housework," and he freezes
She eats these skeezy cheeses
That I can't describe
I talk, he breezes
She doesn't know what please is
His penis got diseases
From a Chumash tribe
The vibe gets kind of scary
Like she thinks I'm ordinary
Like it's all just temporary
Like her toes are kind of hairy
But it's all very well
Because God knows
I'll never tell

When things get rough
He just hides behind his Buffy
Now look, he's getting huffy
Because he knows that I know
She clings,
She's needy
She's also really greedy
She never -

His eyes are beady!

This is my verse, hello?
She -

Look at me!
I'm dancing crazy!

You know
You're quite the charmer
My knight in armour
You're the cutest of the Scoobies
With your lips as red as rubies
And your firm yet supple -
Tight embrace

He's swell
She's sweller
He'll always be my feller
That's why I’ll never tell her
That I’m petrified
I’ve read this tale
There's wedding
Then betrayal
I know there'll come the day
I'll want to run and hide

I lied
I said it's easy
I’ve tried
But there's these fears I can't quell
Is she looking for a pot of gold?
Will I look good when I’ve gotten old?
Will our lives become too stressful
If I’m never that successful?
When I get so worn and wrinkly
That I look like David Brinkley
Am I crazy?
Am I dreaming?
Am I marrying a demon?
We could really raise the beam
In making marriage a hell
So, thank God
I'll never tell
I swear that
I’ll never tell
My lips are sealed
I take the fifth
Nothing to see
Move it along
I’ll never

Lyrics submitted by Rosiega1218

I'll Never Tell song meanings
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  • 0
    General CommentOh. My. Gosh. I haven't laughed so much in ages at a song...simply hysterical! To non-Buffy fanatics, this song (indeed, the entire musical episode) probably makes not the slightest bit of sense, but to this seasoned fan it is an absolute treat. Emma Caulfield and Nicholas Brendon (Anya and Xander) are a riot and give as spirited a performace as you're likely to see.
    slave2discoon February 03, 2002   Link
  • 0
    General CommentMy friend Andrea says I am just like Anya.I do the some of the exact same weird things she does.Plus I like when Xander says "This is my verse,Hello!"
    O-Foley17on July 04, 2002   Link
  • 0
    General CommentI've never seen Buffy. But I like this song!
    k.a.m.u.r.i.on September 02, 2007   Link
  • 0
    General CommentHahaha, omg, I absolutely adore BtVS. My sister owns all of the seasons.

    Ha ha, I love the part: "His penis got diseases / From a chumash tribe." It's referring to the episode "Pangs" where Xander gets syphilis from the Natives who want revenge.. hahaha, so funny. Gross, but funny.

    I love it when Xander and Anya start dancing together, that's the funniest part. Anya can dance, Xander... can't.
    Dierdraon April 20, 2008   Link
  • 0
    General Commentthis song makes me laugh everytime. anya and xander are wonderful together.

    and i love how the writers of this song were not only able to make it comical, but also it puts across the point that they are both afraid of what their future together may be.
    cryostrichon July 19, 2008   Link

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