I haven't felt so alive in years
The sun is shining down on me
My eyes are welling up with tears
Tears of joy, tears of ecstasy

Emotions I once kept concealed
Now flow freely like a river
Life's great mysteries revealed
Love's great promised delivered

CHORUS
I hate my life I want to die
I was just pretending all this time
A mask I wear so I don't bare
My soul to the cold, harsh world out there
Try to prevail but only fail
Each time on a grander and grander scale
My life is worthless and so am I
I hate my life I want to die

The landscape rises to meet my feet
The sky descends to fill my arms
For once I finally feel complete
For once I know I can't be harmed

All I know is light and love
I feel that I could live forever
While others' troubles seem to grow
I have no problems whatsoever

(Chorus)

The epiphany that came to fall
Finally helped me reconcile
What I felt wasn't joy at all
All this time it was just denial

(Chorus)


Lyrics submitted by gasmask

Bi-polar song meanings
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10 Comments

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  • 0
    General CommentWow this one sounds like me
    Fallen4on June 17, 2002   Link
  • 0
    General Comment What I love about Assemblage 23 is the fact that their lyrics explore a wide range of subjects. There are more than enough love songs. What we need is more music like this. They did a good job at writing this song that describes the kinds of thoughts that go through the mind of persons with Bipolar disorder.
    Shock_Resistoron July 08, 2002   Link
  • 0
    General Commentthis song finally made me understand myself...
    ScarletFangon September 14, 2002   Link
  • 0
    General Commentthis song reminds me of stuff..
    PoGoon July 03, 2003   Link
  • 0
    General Commenti got that bi-polar shitt to..and any one that has this will tell you..poeple really feel this way. to those that dont have it, it is hard to understand, but its true, i have thought this exact stuff befor. and when you are in a depressive state, it feels nice to know that there are others out there, and they made it through to make a song about it, and you will too
    --THANKYOU a23..
    you prolly saved my ass more then once
    a2Kdb8on March 11, 2005   Link
  • 0
    General CommentAnymore, everyone is "Bi-Polar".



    *sigh*.
    PrettyLikeDrugson August 04, 2005   Link
  • 0
    General Commentactually... I don't see this song as really about bi-polar disorder... I mean I feel this way and I'm not bi-polar Rob feels this way and he's not bi-polar I think everyone at one point feels this way...

    not to mention that bi-polar is a word that doesn't always refer to bi-polar disorder.... In fact if I remember correctly (which I probably don't) bi-polar can also mean like two things that are opposite each other... kinda like in the song how the chorus is completely different from the rest of the song....

    I don't know... just a thought....
    Kaicille Erison January 09, 2006   Link
  • 0
    General Commentactually... I don't see this song as really about bi-polar disorder... I mean I feel this way and I'm not bi-polar Rob feels this way and he's not bi-polar I think everyone at one point feels this way...

    not to mention that bi-polar is a word that doesn't always refer to bi-polar disorder.... In fact if I remember correctly (which I probably don't) bi-polar can also mean like two things that are opposite each other... kinda like in the song how the chorus is completely different from the rest of the song....

    I don't know... just a thought....
    Kaicille Erison January 09, 2006   Link
  • 0
    General CommentThis is about bipolar disorder. The extreme ecstatic highs(hypomania/mania). People in this state feel as if everything in the world is right. As if(as he so poetically puts it)
    "The landscape rises to meet my feet
    The sky descends to fill my arms
    For once I finally feel complete
    For once I know I can't be harmed"

    As anyone in a hypomanic/manic state would tell you, that is basically what it is there. They often will sleep 3 hours a night while in this state. They'll feel extreme grandiousity, as if they're the smartest or most insightful person in the entire world and that they're doing the work of a dozen people.

    "I hate my life I want to die
    I was just pretending all this time
    A mask I wear so I don't bare
    My soul to the cold, harsh world out there
    Try to prevail but only fail
    Each time on a grander and grander scale
    My life is worthless and so am I
    I hate my life I want to die "

    And the hypomanic/manic episode ends. No longer is the sleep cycle at around 3 hours a night. It usually crashes to 8-10+ hours of sleep a day. He makes strides(try to prevail) while his mood is up, but then he doesn't quite get there and in the depressive episode this is seen as an obscene failure. See "Cocoon", another song by him to understand more about his bipolar disorder(it's another song about his dealings with it).

    "All I know is light and love
    I feel that I could live forever
    While others' troubles seem to grow
    I have no problems whatsoever"

    And the depression ends. He's feeling great again. Most likely sleeping 3 hours a day again. He feels as if he's immortal. These manic episodes are the reason that people with bipolar disorder often discontinue their medications, because this ecstatic high is just too much to leave behind.

    "The epiphany that came to fall
    Finally helped me reconcile
    What I felt wasn't joy at all
    All this time it was just denial"

    The bipolar cycle continues yet again into depression.

    (Note: Most people here do NOT have bipolar disorder. Most people DO feel happy at times and sad at times. This is a severe psychological illness.)
    XeroxTraumon May 01, 2006   Link
  • 0
    General CommentBipolar disorder is much more than just mood swings.
    It's a lot like schizophrenia as well, with paranoid delusions and mood swings.
    Pakana Sieluon June 14, 2008   Link

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