This is a hauntingly beautiful song about introspection, specifically about looking back at a relationship that started bad and ended so poorly, that the narrator wants to go back to the very beginning and tell himself to not even travel down that road. I believe that the relationship started poorly because of the lines:
"Take me back to the night we met:When the night was full of terrors: And your eyes were filled with tears: When you had not touched me yet"
So, the first night was not a great start, but the narrator pursued the relationship and eventually both overcame the rough start to fall in love with each other:
"I had all and then most of you"
Like many relationships that turn sour, it was not a quick decline, but a gradual one where the narrator and their partner fall out of love and gradually grow apart
"Some and now none of you"
Losing someone who was once everything in your world, who you could confide in, tell your secrets to, share all the most intimate parts of your life, to being strangers with that person is probably one of the most painful experiences a person can go through. So Painful, the narrator wants to go back in time and tell himself to not even pursue the relationship.
This was the perfect song for "13 Reasons Why"
Dad
Dead
Was I ever alive?
Fucking makes you alive in one minute
Solctice
I am solctice filled with mercury
Liquid fucked
See right through your heart
Fuck your heart
I am mercury liquid pure
Hot, alive, dead, mucked fish eyes, doe eyes
I was born alive
I'll fucking kill you
I'll beat your soft baby head with my own hand
Careful with that baby...
Don't ever say the h word around him
Ashamed
I am ashamed of my name
Say it
I hate the sound of your shit because it means no good
It means cheap, liar, smart ass piece of shit
Change it to ray gun you fuck
Billy is the loon
I am the loon
I am mars
Billy addly addly addly...
Your name causes shit
While I may be no expert on this reality,
There is no god, but shame
God is hurt, god is cold
Try that once, god is dead
There is not another one
Battle
Cold heart radio
Feedback
The pain
Recurring messages of badness
Recurring living bad dreams at the vortex of lost souls
Wailing lost souls of shame
We are in one hole
Like a cup of mercury phosphate
Brrr
Shuddering around
Taste my shit you wench
Lifting, wailing lost souls who stand a chance
Hot, my eyes darkly gaze and wonder
Do not enter
Why?
I was born whole
Fractured, divided, shattered into a billion fragments
A million piece puzzle
A million piece jigsaw puzzle with no this, and no that
Dead
Was I ever alive?
Fucking makes you alive in one minute
Solctice
I am solctice filled with mercury
Liquid fucked
See right through your heart
Fuck your heart
I am mercury liquid pure
Hot, alive, dead, mucked fish eyes, doe eyes
I was born alive
I'll fucking kill you
I'll beat your soft baby head with my own hand
Careful with that baby...
Don't ever say the h word around him
Ashamed
I am ashamed of my name
Say it
I hate the sound of your shit because it means no good
It means cheap, liar, smart ass piece of shit
Change it to ray gun you fuck
Billy is the loon
I am the loon
I am mars
Billy addly addly addly...
Your name causes shit
While I may be no expert on this reality,
There is no god, but shame
God is hurt, god is cold
Try that once, god is dead
There is not another one
Battle
Cold heart radio
Feedback
The pain
Recurring messages of badness
Recurring living bad dreams at the vortex of lost souls
Wailing lost souls of shame
We are in one hole
Like a cup of mercury phosphate
Brrr
Shuddering around
Taste my shit you wench
Lifting, wailing lost souls who stand a chance
Hot, my eyes darkly gaze and wonder
Do not enter
Why?
I was born whole
Fractured, divided, shattered into a billion fragments
A million piece puzzle
A million piece jigsaw puzzle with no this, and no that
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when my parents were screaming and throwing pitchers across the kitchen at eachother i would listen to this song in my room so so loud and just cry. i feel very close with this song. for me it really symbolizes my alienism from my family.
@brittymachine Me to.