This is a hauntingly beautiful song about introspection, specifically about looking back at a relationship that started bad and ended so poorly, that the narrator wants to go back to the very beginning and tell himself to not even travel down that road. I believe that the relationship started poorly because of the lines:
"Take me back to the night we met:When the night was full of terrors: And your eyes were filled with tears: When you had not touched me yet"
So, the first night was not a great start, but the narrator pursued the relationship and eventually both overcame the rough start to fall in love with each other:
"I had all and then most of you"
Like many relationships that turn sour, it was not a quick decline, but a gradual one where the narrator and their partner fall out of love and gradually grow apart
"Some and now none of you"
Losing someone who was once everything in your world, who you could confide in, tell your secrets to, share all the most intimate parts of your life, to being strangers with that person is probably one of the most painful experiences a person can go through. So Painful, the narrator wants to go back in time and tell himself to not even pursue the relationship.
This was the perfect song for "13 Reasons Why"
How many times
Have you noticed that our eyes
Hardly ever meet
From your judgment seat
I feel the anger for my very being
Fill me in
On when you became such a big part of my life
That I should bother
With all your lies designed to bring me down
Wrong again
Don't depend
On any reaction again
I remember the icy walls
That shot up from nowhere
And I can see every lie that you've ever told yourself
You bleed me dry and I don't ask why
But I'm left with the dust
Judas kiss I dismiss
Thank you all for this
I am untouched
Wait again
I'm not through with the screaming
I contend
That you've got nothing better to do
Trade my life for a barrel of gold
Find someone else before I get too old
If I live my life for aesthetic gain
Will you repay me with all your shame
I can see every light inside your brain
Go on every time that I walk by
For nods and whispers
Your comfort in my suffering
Is no longer disturbing
I'm lost beyond your petty stopwatch
In life's real time
Wait again
I'm not through with the screaming
I contend
That you've got nothing better to do
Trade my life for a barrel of gold
Find someone else before I get too old
If I live my life for aesthetic gain
Will you repay me with all your shame
Don't get up
I was slowly leaving the room
And when the door
Of your judgment
Swings back around again
Maybe I'll stop to watch
And I'll go on my way
I've seen quite enough
Of too many childish games
I'm ashamed of every moment
That I ever gave them the time of day
All the worst of enemies
Are somehow always
Friends that used to be
Have you noticed that our eyes
Hardly ever meet
From your judgment seat
I feel the anger for my very being
Fill me in
On when you became such a big part of my life
That I should bother
With all your lies designed to bring me down
Wrong again
Don't depend
On any reaction again
I remember the icy walls
That shot up from nowhere
And I can see every lie that you've ever told yourself
You bleed me dry and I don't ask why
But I'm left with the dust
Judas kiss I dismiss
Thank you all for this
I am untouched
Wait again
I'm not through with the screaming
I contend
That you've got nothing better to do
Trade my life for a barrel of gold
Find someone else before I get too old
If I live my life for aesthetic gain
Will you repay me with all your shame
I can see every light inside your brain
Go on every time that I walk by
For nods and whispers
Your comfort in my suffering
Is no longer disturbing
I'm lost beyond your petty stopwatch
In life's real time
Wait again
I'm not through with the screaming
I contend
That you've got nothing better to do
Trade my life for a barrel of gold
Find someone else before I get too old
If I live my life for aesthetic gain
Will you repay me with all your shame
Don't get up
I was slowly leaving the room
And when the door
Of your judgment
Swings back around again
Maybe I'll stop to watch
And I'll go on my way
I've seen quite enough
Of too many childish games
I'm ashamed of every moment
That I ever gave them the time of day
All the worst of enemies
Are somehow always
Friends that used to be
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i am putting these lyrics in a letter i am sending a person that i use to be best friends with. we dont talk at all any more. it hurts to tell her how i feel and this song helps so much.