I've beefed with Le Chiffre, No, and Blofield with a cheek scar
But they werent as crooked and rotton as your teeth are
I go balls to the walther on this whack twat in an ascot
Blast shots atcha like gas shot from the backslot of a fat scot
Permission from the Crown to put a scoundrel down? I've earned it
I got a license to kill, you couldnt get a learner's permit
After 24 films im still reaching new heights
Your third movie died, I guess you only live twice
Spell my name! The ladies wanna B-on-D
Any sex appeal you might have is beyond me!
Im bespoke from my head to my toe and after this flow im done
Because I only need 1 round, Golden-Gun!

You look a lot more blonde in your movie, baby
But thats alright. Lets just keep it groovy, baby!
Basil-Exposition told me this'd be boring
But Jesus, man. Even my Mojo is snoring!
I've never seen such a miserable spy
And i've never seen a man with glistening thighs!
I mean ya cant shag properly with that waxed tush
Birds flock to the musk of my chest fuzz
I'll hypnotize ya with a little striptease
Then Judo-Chop! Im swinging on ya like the 60's
You're defensless, my rhymes cant be deflected
You're like all the sex i've ever had: Unprotected
People want a hero with a little personality
No-one wants to sit through your gritty reality
Maybe Q can craft some new plot lines
You made Thunderball 2 bloody times
Im one of a kind, you're always getting remade
You can't touch me! Double-Oh, behave

I cant believe im wasting my time on this clown
I should be on an island with a fucking model by now
Sipping dry martinis and peeling off bikinis
Not rapping against swedish penis pumping weenies

Hey! Thats not..

I didnt say I was finished, im sick of your silly gimmicks
Im the best spy in the business, just ask all the critics
And I've been through hell so yeah, im a bit of a cynic
But im the original model your frilly ass mimics!

Classic Bond:
I wouldnt exactly call you original...
Its the most prominant, dominant, bomb spy so pay homage
Handing out ass whoopings, im on some real James Bond-age
Your preformance doesnt stir me, And im certainly not shaken
If I wanted shitty acting in my action film, id go watch Taken
I see your modern gadgets and I piss on them all
I dont need a Q to break your balls
Im the grandad of the brand that millions of users have been sold-on
You're so far up on my nuts I should call you Bond. Gold Bond.

Yeah, um...Could I get back in my rap, please?

Classic Bond:
Rap these, you velvety hack! (Jeez!)

Its the movie business and you had your six
The world has had quite enough rug wearing misogynists!

Yeah, to be honest, you are a bit rapey
I mean, I like to swing but Dr. No means No, baby

Classic Bond:
Oh, please! Im an extraordinary gentleman, im distinguished
If they made a Mini-Me, they'd have to cast Peter Dinklage

Or maybe they should cast a Bond who's actually English!

Classic Bond:
Why, Pussy: arent you the cunning linguist

As a matter of fact, I got a knack for licking old cunts!
After I beat you i'll kick the shit out of the man who does your stunts!

Classic Bond:
Now you listen here, you little duck faced runt
Im all in, Im ready to die any day that you want!


Lyrics submitted by Jirachibi

James Bond vs. Austin Powers song meanings
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