My mother cries to me,
She says “I can’t carry on.”
My brother hides his head,
He’s sober and withdrawn.
Grandmother cries to me,
She says “I don’t wanna die.”
And through all this, not once
Were you standing by my side.

Oh, mother, I apologize for the person I’ve become.
Oh, father, I apologize for the misdeeds that I’ve done.
Oh, brother, I apologize; it’s very overdue.
Oh, lover, I apologize for ever meeting you.

I will drink myself near death and I will confess, too
Even if you are not here for me to confess to.
How will it feel years and years down the line,
When you learn you can’t love for the hundredth time?

Oh, my friends, I apologize, but it’s time I disappeared.
Oh, family, I apologize, but I cannot stay here.
Oh, my friends, I apologize, can you hear it in my voice?

I vanished a long, long time ago. I never had a choice.
And I will snub these cigarettes out upon my arm
And bandage up my bloodied wrists each time they come to harm.
And vomit all my troubles; yes, I will purge them out.
Fuck what I’m allowed to feel and allowed to sing about.

God damn you all for trying to discredit self-pity,
Because three hours of sleep a night is starting to fucking kill me.
Fuck what I’m allowed to feel.
Fuck you, and fuck what I’m allowed to feel.
I was going to name this project “Forbidden Colors” but the pretense made me want to hang myself.


Lyrics submitted by notashley

When I Grow Up I Wanna Be Richey Edwards song meanings
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