EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY!
LAO ZU! SUN TSU! AND CONFUCUIOUS!
VERSUS!
NEITZCSCHE! SOCRATES! AND VOLTAIRE!
BEGIN!

W

S
Im coming off the acropolys to start some pandemonium!
Dont bring limp raps to a pimp slap symposeum!
The mad gadfly, philosophy was my invention!

N:
Rolling with the flyest nihlist

V
and me, their French Henchman

N
We got the wisdom

V
and the wit

S
that even I couldnt question

V
Dropping western medicine

All:
on these East Infections!

N
Its evident

V
you've never been

All:
our type of mental bretheren
We're better

N
speakers

All:
better

S
thinkers

All:
better

V:
lovers

All:
better men!



E

C
This type of arrogance is sure to be expected
From men who speak of wisdom with no clue of what respect is!

L:
You westerners are sloppy, needing dicipline in life
You lack control of yourselves and of the mic

Sun:
While we use percise strikes to disrupt your concentration

C:
Hand you an ass whooping our decendants will honor for generations

Sun
We built a nation

L
with patience

Sun
and the presence

C:
for living

L:
And you'll never hold a candle to the

C
wisdom

L
we've

All:
written





W

N
Oh, ill give you something you can bow and kowtow to
When I squat down and squeeze out a Tao of Pooh on Lao Zu!
You need to take control of the life you're given
Call me Ubermench, 'cause im so driven!

V
And im a freethinker so confromting conformists like you? Its my job!
Got a sharp wit like a pick that'll skewer you like a confunios-kabob!
OH! You flubbed the machine, im beating your submissive ass into submission
Dishing out more disses than letters, pamphlets and plays ive been publishing!

S:
Now that we covered the two Yin and Yang twins, I can move onto Jackie Chan
Sun Tzu ill be picking apart your Wu with my Mehtod, Man!
This seminal general isnt so tough on the mic, all your men must be like "yo, what happened?"
You're pittifully lyrically, lucky for history you didnt author the art of rapping!



E

Sun:
Bitch, I wrote the art of war so you better get your guns out
These white boys getting burned, 'cause guess what? Now the suns out
Asians spitting sick, but no this isnt SARS
Lao Ziick the beat! Confucious drop some bars!

C:
Let me be candide with you, Voltaire
French dip with the egg noodle hair
Your ego's just so distracting
Free speech doesnt mean just keep yapping!
And you killed God so i gotta ask
Did he die of shame when he made your moustache?
OH! You tried to plant a new German Psyche
But you just grew hate: Me no Third Reichy

Sun:
And it all starts with YOU! You're the father, Socrates!
Honestly? I think you owe both of your students here an apology!

W


N
I wouldnt exactly call myself a student of this plebe!
Dont make nietcsche come over and put a knee up in your chi!
'Cause im N-I-E-T-C-S-C-H-E!
And ill end any motherfucker like my name in a spelling bee!

S
Plebe bitch?! Im toxic like a hemlock sip!
So hang a sandle on the door, 'cause you can suck Soc's dick!

V:
Sacreblu, Socrates! You're making things a little tense
Come, lets blind these Chinese hynies with some shiny bright Enlightenment

S
I will NOT be taught comraderie from a frog who rigged the lottery!
You make a mockery of ethics so keep your fat nose in your coffee!

V
Let me Be Frank, dont start beef with THE Frank
Who hangs with B. Franks giving ladies Beef franks!



E

Sun:
I have turned them on themselves, their chaos is our oppertunity!

L:
We must remember: A bowl is most useful when it is empty

Sun:
UGH, Lao Zi, I dont mean no disrespect
But you need to fill your bowl with shit that makes some sense!

L:
Oh, you dont wanna stand in the path of Lao Zu today
Ill make you move, bitch. Get out the way!

C:
Yo, where in the tradition of rap battles is it written
That two dudes on the same team should squabble like some clucking chickens?

Sun:
Conficious, you always trying to put something in its place
Why dont you tell your eyebrows they need to fit better on your face?

C:
Okay, I see, you wanna make it like that?
Ill knock your warmongering head out of that to go box hat!
Here's the real golden rule: Im way above you weak rookies
Conficious say: You cna all hold these fortune cookies!

WHAT IS WINNING?
WHO IS NEXT?
YOU DECIDE!
EPIC!
QUIET!
RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY!


Lyrics submitted by Jirachibi

East Philosophers Vs West Philosophers song meanings
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