I'm looking through our pictures and praying to God that you're having sweeter dreams right now than mine have been tonight. Because, with every lucid breath, I see a bitter portrayal of me in the darkest light and only hope that what you see is a bit more bright.

But sometimes I doubt it. Sometimes I have doubts, and it seems that the sum of all my doubting amounts to a complex equation with more variables than I can count. A, B, C, X, Y, Z. And all I can see is that X is something that's hurting you, though I don't even know what that is. It could be me. I could be A, C, or Z. Why can't I just believe that everything will equal out in the end? Because, within this negative mindset, all I can see are the minus signs that the truth seems to hide behind like your words seem to hide behind the fear that if you make everything clear to me—your hurt, your heart, your pain, your scars—I might just leave you behind.

But I'm afraid you're not the only one with fear. And, dear, you aren't the only one who's scared. Because layered upon layers, in a stack reaching miles high are my failures upon failures and thousands of reasons why you would be justified to doubt my love for you, to doubt that when I say forever I truly mean until the end of time. And, darling, that's my biggest fear. You see, all my past mistakes already add up to much more than I can bear. And soon I'll fail again, because, sweetheart, I'm a killer. And death is all I am, everyday adding to my putrid stack already bigger than Kilimanjaro. And tomorrow my failures will outweigh the gravity of those three little words I always say to you.

I'm looking through our pictures and praying to God that you're having sweeter dreams right now than mine have been tonight. Because I know you're hurt, and I know your hurt is justified. And that just leaves me terrified.


Lyrics submitted by StephenShutters

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