This is a hauntingly beautiful song about introspection, specifically about looking back at a relationship that started bad and ended so poorly, that the narrator wants to go back to the very beginning and tell himself to not even travel down that road. I believe that the relationship started poorly because of the lines:
"Take me back to the night we met:When the night was full of terrors: And your eyes were filled with tears: When you had not touched me yet"
So, the first night was not a great start, but the narrator pursued the relationship and eventually both overcame the rough start to fall in love with each other:
"I had all and then most of you"
Like many relationships that turn sour, it was not a quick decline, but a gradual one where the narrator and their partner fall out of love and gradually grow apart
"Some and now none of you"
Losing someone who was once everything in your world, who you could confide in, tell your secrets to, share all the most intimate parts of your life, to being strangers with that person is probably one of the most painful experiences a person can go through. So Painful, the narrator wants to go back in time and tell himself to not even pursue the relationship.
This was the perfect song for "13 Reasons Why"
I'm like what happened to us, maybe I'm rapping too much
I been missing your touch, sometimes I'm out and I lust
What if love ain't enough, and all we have is this trust
What if I'm fucking that up, so you don't trust in me much
I'm wasting your time, to say I'm straight, I'd be lying
It's either you or this music but I can't make up my mind
I'd throw you a line, I'd give you a sign
Right now I'm through with the trying, I think you ready to fly
I settle for less so when I'm tired of stress
I go through with the motions pretending I'm at my best
Fall victim to flesh, I live to be fresh
But this ain't what I expect because my life is a wreck
I run out of breath cuz I ain't taking the steps
Money comes and it goes 'til family's all I got left
I'm seeing my growth, but I'm still from myself
You'll be hollering out next because you're ready to fly
I can't find the words so you'll just fill in the blanks
I'm doing the norm and not what it takes
I'll keep folding my cards and you'll keep raising the stakes
'Til we forget about us and what we have is too late
I know in your heart, you ain't conditioned to race
So I steady the wheel, forever pumping the breaks
Resort to the bottle, that's how I deal with the shakes
Pray for these haters, that's how I deal with the hate
Look to the sky, don't be content with the now
You ain't concerned with the why, you just wanna know how
I didn't give her the chance, when you just wanna be down
And save me from myself, but I'm wanting to drown
King is much more than the weight of a crown
As good as it feels, that ain't the way that it sounds
Being single is cool 'til ain't nobody around
Then I'm chasing you down, cuz you was ready to fly
I can't be what you want me to be
You're shooting too high cuz you ain't aiming at me
One minute you're calling out for the D
Then the next minute you wanna be free
Then the next minute you hollering out peace
Although I know it's a war and they'll be blood in the street
If you call don't be frustrated at me
Just leave you're heart at the beep, cuz mine is harder to reach
Cuz mine is harder to see
And that don't make it harder to cheat
Being friends would make it harder to breathe
So if you're ready to fly, just forget about me
But if you're willing to try then I'm willing to leap
Out of the window of pain and fall in love at your feet
I ain't the man you want me to be
I guess that's what's been bothering me
I been missing your touch, sometimes I'm out and I lust
What if love ain't enough, and all we have is this trust
What if I'm fucking that up, so you don't trust in me much
I'm wasting your time, to say I'm straight, I'd be lying
It's either you or this music but I can't make up my mind
I'd throw you a line, I'd give you a sign
Right now I'm through with the trying, I think you ready to fly
I settle for less so when I'm tired of stress
I go through with the motions pretending I'm at my best
Fall victim to flesh, I live to be fresh
But this ain't what I expect because my life is a wreck
I run out of breath cuz I ain't taking the steps
Money comes and it goes 'til family's all I got left
I'm seeing my growth, but I'm still from myself
You'll be hollering out next because you're ready to fly
I can't find the words so you'll just fill in the blanks
I'm doing the norm and not what it takes
I'll keep folding my cards and you'll keep raising the stakes
'Til we forget about us and what we have is too late
I know in your heart, you ain't conditioned to race
So I steady the wheel, forever pumping the breaks
Resort to the bottle, that's how I deal with the shakes
Pray for these haters, that's how I deal with the hate
Look to the sky, don't be content with the now
You ain't concerned with the why, you just wanna know how
I didn't give her the chance, when you just wanna be down
And save me from myself, but I'm wanting to drown
King is much more than the weight of a crown
As good as it feels, that ain't the way that it sounds
Being single is cool 'til ain't nobody around
Then I'm chasing you down, cuz you was ready to fly
I can't be what you want me to be
You're shooting too high cuz you ain't aiming at me
One minute you're calling out for the D
Then the next minute you wanna be free
Then the next minute you hollering out peace
Although I know it's a war and they'll be blood in the street
If you call don't be frustrated at me
Just leave you're heart at the beep, cuz mine is harder to reach
Cuz mine is harder to see
And that don't make it harder to cheat
Being friends would make it harder to breathe
So if you're ready to fly, just forget about me
But if you're willing to try then I'm willing to leap
Out of the window of pain and fall in love at your feet
I ain't the man you want me to be
I guess that's what's been bothering me
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