When I was a young man I set out to sea
A swashbuckling pirate, I aspired to be
I was bold, I was eager, I was stalwart and stout
But we’d no sooner put out from port than I threw my back out

Oh, the first mate he offered assistance to me
Though no chiropractor he turned out to be
On that ship I could find no relief for my back
‘Cause it turned out nobody the Advil remembered to pack

Singin’ yo ho, maybe I was mistaken
This is a voyage I shouldn’t a’taken
Apparently, a life on the sea
Is no place for someone as chronically fragile as me

On the second day out, my misfortune did grow
Cause I suffered from nausea and vertigo
I sustained several bruises, I lost a gold crown
And the vittles and grog that they served just refused to stay down

Oh I suffered all manner of infirmity
From migraines to hemorrhoids to ADHD
I was bloated and moody, my skin was a mess
If I didn’t know better I’d swear that I had PMS

Singin’ yo ho, a professional sailor
Would sooner be keelhauled than use an inhaler
Apparently, a life on the sea
Is no place for someone who’s quite as neurotically, totally,
hopelessly, chronically fragile as me


I could not rape and pillage along with the crew
So, the captain he gave me some filing to do
But it did not take long before I did succumb
To a really bad case of ye olde carpel tunnel syndrome

By the end of the week all me mateys could tell
My career as a pirate wasn’t going that well
Seems the crew took a vote when I wasn’t around
And decided nobody would miss me too much if I drowned

Singin’ yo ho, two hundred demerits
If the captain finds out I’m allergic to parrots
Apparently, a life on the sea
Is no place for someone who’s quite as pathetically, latent
obsessive, compulsive, neurotically, totally, hopelessly,
chronically fragile as me

I escaped just in time, I am pleased to report
Though my plank-walking fate I did barely abort
I washed out as a pirate upon the high seas
So now I confine all my pirating to MP3s

Singin’ yo ho, I got such a floggin’
When Taylor Swift I was caught catalogin’
Apparently, a life on the sea
Is no place for someone who’s quite as consistently, brutally,
desperately, clinically, utterly, truly pathetically, latent obsessive
compulsive neurotically, totally, hopelessly, chronically fragile
as me


Lyrics submitted by JohnnyLurg

Steve the Pirate song meanings
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