Santa Claus:
Sweet robes, Obi Wan-too-many days in the sun
Stop preaching homie, teach your flock to covet some fun!
I bring joy every year, man I represent cheer
You represent sandals and a scraggly beard
I’m from the North Pole, that’s why my rhymes are so cold!
I spit diamonds but I’m serving up some fresh coal
You’ve been a naughty boy, you brought a plague of frogs
You best arrest yourself, you broke your own law
Or was there something in Rule Six I didn’t understand?
My list says killed Egyptian dude, buried him in sand
I read your book, you got a strict religion
No bacon, but mandatory circumcision?
I’m a jolly bowl of jelly, giving holiday presents
But all the chosen people ever get for Christmas is jealous!

Moses
When I was high up on the mountain God revealed the truths of the Earth
But he never mentioned a fat-ass Papa Smurf
It takes nine reindeers to haul your fat ass
You took the Christ outta Christmas and just added more mass
You need to stop breaking into houses and creeping and peeping
On naughty kids while they sleeping and keep your hands off my stocking
Don’t you ho ho me!
I’ll split your ass in half, like I did the Red Sea
You ain’t a saint, you a slaver, like a pharaoh in the snow
Stop with the unpaid labor and let my little people go!

Elves:
We ain’t slaves!
All that sand turned your brains to mush!

Santa Claus:
I think you need to stop smoking all that burning bush

Elves:
Yeah, we’re magical workers, man!
We hang with reindeers
Yo! Here’s a GPS!
Who gets lost for forty years?

Santa Claus:
You’re a glorified secretary, so write this down

Elf:
Begat deez nuts

Santa Claus:
Santa Claus is coming to town

Moses
So much drama in the Israe-L B.C.
It’s kinda hard talking directly to the G-O-single-D
Hand me my chisel, I got a new commandizzle for y’all
Thou shalt not let children sit on a grown man’s lap at the mall
I’ll beat you ten times before the bread can rise, you dummy
And walk off into the land of my milk and honeys


Lyrics submitted by hansonj814

Moses vs. Santa Claus song meanings
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