Schaffer the Darklord
Fucking... Schaffer the Darklord!
I - God, I just - I hate the guy so much
I'm gonna write him a letter and tell him

Dear Schaffer the Darklord,
You fucking suck dude
And I can't wait for your little career to end

No need to read it back or spell check it
Fuck it, click send

Yo,
All of my friends, they think that Schaffer's so great
Half of them even have him in their top eight
I anxiously await a date when fate will place us face to face
To tell that fake how much I hate him
But today I'll use MySpace
And I'll place lots of comments up on his page
A flame war I will rage hell
Fill his box with h-mail
Trash his name and bash him across the internets on every domain
Which Google traces back to his name
My disdain for this man overflows to his fans
It's time I educate these idiots as best as I can
They're so amuse by his abuse of rap music
I'll have to crack a diss track at them just to prove there's nothing to it
I'll hit my four foot bong, I'll flip my four track on
And I'll rant on and on until I've written this song
I'll dedicate it to him, stewing in my seething hatred
Mail it to him,
Schaffer, I fucking hate you dude
And now you're ruined, do it

I hate you Schaffer and it's time I let you know just how much
Your music's stupid and your rhymes, your beats, your flows, they all suck
Who are these people, do these geeks believe you're evil, that's fucked
You're just a goofy douchebag, you could use a good smack
Up against the head, when will you give it up
When will you give it up?

Hey, hey, star
What's up, bro?
I read your bio
I see you're making big moves out there in Ohio
Or Idaho, man I don't know,
Wherever hick bumfuck town you must be trapped in
Sorry dude, it must suck
Anyhow, champ, listen up,
I got some advice about your little rap career
If I were you, I'd think twice
For a start, you're a fan, man, and fans can never make it
You've got to be a real man in this rap game if you want to take it
I never listen to nobody but my own shit
Nobody round here but my own boys, my own clique
We all got big dicks, and huge shirts, and fitted hats
You look like a hipster, what kind of shit is that?
You ain't a b-boy, boy, rocking a mustache
Them brown pants'll get your ass whipped real fast
There ain't no real rap art up on your profile
When I be posing for a picture never no smile
You smile way too much; it makes you look gay
What kind of whack bullshit did your hook say?
You read a book? Yay! You won't get no play
Either from the ladies or my iPod, there's no way
You're a white boy with gay friends
And really at the day's end, your street cred is zero out of ten
Put down the pen, I got this game locked
Holla at your boy

I know you're dying, know you're crying on a shoulder
I know your read my letter, 'cause I checked the sent folder
It ain't over
I've got an arsenal of vitriol to blast at you
And twenty-two new digs on you, would you do you
Pitiful and chicken shit, insipid, dickless idiot
Who's shitty spitting little bitching, sissy quit your hissy fit
A hack with a backpack, as lame as a fanny pack
Your sack of crap act makes me want to yak fast
No one likes your tripe, oh, poorly written hype flow
Go away tonight, why don't you throw away your mic so
Fucking unfunny dummy, you want to make fun of me?
You're nothing but another Eminem and Weird Al wannabe.

And as a hip-hop head, I defend the culture
I say your act is racist, face it, Schaffer, you're a vulture
A dozen thumbs down on ten tracks, do the math
I'm your number last fan, man, at last you'll feel my wrath

I hate you Schaffer and it's time I let you know just how much,
Your music's stupid and your rhymes, your beats, your flows they all suck
Who are these people, do these geeks believe you're evil, that's fucked
You're just a goofy douchebag, you could use a good smack
Up against the head, when will you give it up
When will you give it up?

So, Schaffer,
Hey, since I've shown you the way
I'm sure that now your towel will be thrown in any day
No doubt, I'm out now, I've covered all I had to say,
Later days, Schaff,
Oh wait, one more thing,
You're gay
PWNED!


Lyrics submitted by DoubleZedd

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