I've got a great idea.
I've got a bunch of stuff.
I'm gonna give it all to just one person.

Excited they will be
and buddy, so will I.
because my clutter problem seems to worsen.

Everyone gather 'round
Your televisions now.
I hear you say it just looks like a yard sale.

See that's where you're dead wrong!
You've been inside too long.
You want subconsciously, so want without fail.

I'm not dumping my junk on you
See, it's a prize, so enter, dude!


Won't you buy a ticket for my sweep stakes? Won't you please?
I've got a bunch of stakes and they need sweeping, baby.
Won't you buy a ticket for my sweep stakes? Won't you please?
There's no purchase necessary, but please make a purchase.

Ok, you've caught my ear.
Although, I think you're weird.
I must admire your enthusiasm.

But sir, I have to say.
It all looks like eBay.
They're second-hand knickknacks from what I fathom.

I think that you and I
do not see eye to eye.
Ai-yai-yai don't think that your junk is prizes.

And while I like it lots
that you're unorthodox
I won't contribute to your mid-life crisis.

Sorry, but your concept borders
on making the winner into a hoarder.

I won't buy a ticket to your sweep stakes. No, I won't.
You've got a bunch of stakes and they need sweeping, buddy.
I won't buy a ticket to your sweep stakes. Don't think so.
And while I ilke the cut, please don't bring your jib near me.

-What about this stereo?
-It was out of date ten years ago.

-What about this printer, sport?
-Does that thing have a SCSI port?

-What about this here Nintendo?
-64? No, I don't think so.

-What about this vintage Blu-Ray?
-That's a laser disc. Dude, are you ok?

-What about this nifty fridge?
-You could've cleaned it out a smidge.

-How about this lovely vase?
-Get that spittoon out of my face.

-Ok pal. There's no pleasing you.
-I just demand quality, foo'.

-Fine, someone else will win my treasure.
-Right. Peace out. It's been a pleasure.

Won't you buy a ticket for my sweep stakes? Won't you please?
I've got a bunch of stakes and they need sweeping, baby.
Won't you buy a ticket for my sweep stakes? Won't you please?
There's no purchase necessary, but please make a purchase.


Lyrics submitted by JohnnyLurg

Sweepstakes song meanings
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