Drug addict since single digits
Vitamins to fight the fidgets
They put something in my apple sauce but I found it

Now that I'm finally twenty-six
Just smother it with a cigarette
No, I haven't had dinner yet--what about it?

It would be so easy to say it was my parents that destroyed my brain
It was their drugs that drove me insane--I wouldn't be alone with all the blame
No, I never felt so free from sin as when I was screaming out "I can't win!"
If it's not too late to start again, open up that womb and I'll crawl right in

And when I refuse, don't begrudge me
I can feel you starting to judge me
I'm starting to feel, I'm feeling ugly

Opened my eyes to a sever ed head
Except I didn't know it was dead
Only that it bled and bled upon my plate

Now they pass me from hand to hand
Pharmacist to Marlboro Man
Back to pharmacist again, too late

I know the worlds a scary place--that's why I hide behind a hairy face
Blue Devils try to explain it way--blue devils started it in the first place
Nobody answers for me now, nobody else's job to figure out
Why I'm scared to open up my mouth, why there's so many things I can't allow

Probably easier just to eat at home
Better I should wait until I'm all alone
Then I stuff myself until I explode

Cream of my compulsion risiing to the tip of the spout
Screaming and convulsing, now I'm gonna spit it out
An amorphous monster makes his home inside my house
Even now, stretched out on the couch
Waiting for the midnight hour until he gets loud

Yes, my body is some prison--why else keep it filled with poison?
No reason to celebrate, forget the milkshakes, Mom--it will take
More than a spoonful of sugar for me to swallow my pride this time
I decide what goes inside, I decide what goes inside my body
One more time, I decide, I decide what goes inside, I decide what goes inside my body
My eating disorder--it's inside me

Spit it out


Lyrics submitted by ohgrief

My Eating Disorder song meanings
Add your thoughts

5 Comments

sort form View by:
  • +1
    General CommentPatrick has said this one is about his struggles with Selective Eating Disorder. Though it also touches on his issues with medication/drugs.
    imdanoon December 14, 2012   Link
  • 0
    General CommentAdderall?
    jaseinon December 12, 2012   Link
  • 0
    General CommentAnyone know the "blue devils" reference?
    GregConwayon January 04, 2013   Link
  • 0
    General CommentSounds like an eating disorder non specified. During my eating disorder I remember starving and waking up at night, which was the only time I ate substantially. Also, spitting food out after chewing it is common. I listen to this song and it seems so familiar. I never felt so clear and free until I was starving seriously.

    Drugs often get absorbed in to the bloodstream of the baby, there are many drugs that could suppress appetite, I'm not sure was Blue Devil means.
    daytimewwon February 03, 2013   Link
  • 0
    General CommentMy first thought on "blue devil's" was that it was the singer's euphamism for cigarettes. Reason being that the blue devils are the Duke university mascot, and Duke is in tobacco country, Durham, NC.

    Also I don't think it's the first time I've found carolina references in Stickles' lyrics.

    Nevertheless, this song just becomes incredibly epic after about 4 mins. I don't care what anybody says, this album ranks up the same as any previous TA album. This cd fucking rocks
    Knesebeckon June 06, 2013   Link

Add your thoughts

Log in now to tell us what you think this song means.

Don’t have an account? Create an account with SongMeanings to post comments, submit lyrics, and more. It’s super easy, we promise!

Back to top
explain