It had been a long ass work week; it had been a long ass day
I was hoping I could just go home and sleep the night away
But the message waiting for me was the worst a man could know:
"Hi there, son, could you call me back? My computer's running slow."

There are bamboo shoots and water torture, German blondes named Gert,
Films with Adam Sandler and lots of other things that hurt
But it's not my job or girlfriend that finally drove me mad
I've been on the phone long-distance doing tech support for Dad

It took seven tries to get him to the Start menu and Run
He had Bonzi Buddy, Comet Cursor, and Quicktime 3.1.
I said I'd try to find out if his firewall had been breached
Turned out he'd bought this Compaq before Clinton was impeached

Service packs and driver updates, he needs every single thing
And he gets online by dial-up, so he might be done by spring
But he trusts that I can fix it, his beloved college grad
Never mind it was in Russian, now I'm tech support for Dad

After thirty seven reboots and a dozen clean installs
My room is trashed, my plants are dead and there's green slime on the walls
But his 'puter's running smoothly, I can finally get away
When he says, "Oh, son, one more thing - how do you sell stuff on eBay?"

Here's a pox on all programmers puttin' crapware on your shelves
May you have to teach your programs to your dads by phone yourselves
There's the Normandy Invasion and the Siege of Leningrad,
And the special hell filling in for Dell as tech support for Dad

Now I've built him a computer; nothing can get in or out
The firewall's adamantium and the drives are sealed with grout
And if this one starts to run slow, well that's just too damn bad
'Cause I'd rather shave my eyeballs than do tech support for Dad
Tech support for Dad
Tech support for Dad


"Hang on, son -- your mom wants to know how to set up a web page."


Lyrics submitted by JohnnyLurg

Tech Support For Dad song meanings
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