I got 700 messages, three are from friends
Who try to guilt me into sending their crap back to them
All the rest, I would guess, are some kind of a scam
That prevails in my mail in the form of SPAM
There's an African queen and I'm the one she'd select
'Cause she's got 20 million dollars that she has to protect
She can't wait and would appreciate a timely answer
And all she needs is my bank number for the transfer
Sure, oh yeah, that sounds totally legit
And here's my ATM card in case you need it
I can't believe that people fall for this ****, it really sucks
And last year these little pricks made a hundred million bucks
Look, I won a free vacation to Hawaii
All they need is my credit card number to verify
Well, I'll just type that in for you right now
Right after Hell freezes, and as time will allow
True, interest rates are at an all-time low
I'm no financial genius, but one thing I know
I'm better off gettin' money from my dear old Mom
Than from sexy chick three at hotmail.com

Spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam
(gradually get louder and repeat 3 times)
Glorious spam, oh wonderful spam!

These people don't know who I am and they don't
Give a damn about me, they just give me spam
So you can see what to me's a major source of my aggra-
vation. Why these people think I need so much Viagra?
And what's with all the offers for a ***** enlarger
Some even come with a battery charger
Here's a two-for-one offer, I don't know about you
But what the hell am I supposed to do with two?
Here's another chick who wants to meet me on line
For a one-on-one chat, it's just $12.99
She included a picture, says her name is Barbie
But for that price, we could chat during dinner at Arby's
I can work from home, and I can get rich quick
I can buy some stupid herb so that I'll never get sick
And if I act quick, I'll get a paper or somethin'
That'll show me how to buy meds from Canada for nothin'
It's amazing that these folks are so concerned about my health
Considering when I had a flat, no one stopped to help
But I can think for myself, so I'm not falling for squat
Whether they can get me free gay porn or not

Spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam
(gradually get louder and repeat 3 times)
Glorious spam, oh wonderful spam!

[break, a couple quick parodies]

(sung to "Stand" by REM)
Spam in my inbox at work
Get rich quick
Think about the folks who send it
Wonder why they don't have a life
Spam in my inbox at home
Free hot porn
Think about the stuff I'm getting
Wonder who these freaks think I am

(Sung to "Slam" by Onyx)
Spam! Du-duh-duh! Duh-duh-duh!
You can work from home!
Spam! Du-duh-duh! Duh-duh-duh!
Get a low rate loan!
Spam! Du-duh-duh! Duh-duh-duh!
Take an on-line course!
Spam! Du-duh-duh! Duh-duh-duh!
See a girl and a horse!

The following is a true story.
Only the bandwidth has been changed to protect my quota.

It all seemed to be the same, till one day I got
A really strange one I didn't know whether to believe or not
He claimed to be a time traveler with a broken field regulator
Who needed a new dimensional warp generator
Huh, that's a new one, I didn't know what to say
'Cause I had just bought a used one that day on eBay
I might have let him have it but I know what they're worth
And he didn't have any money that was good on Earth
So I'm gonna keep it, see if I can make it work
I wanna travel to the future, visit Captain Kirk
So until he gets some money that I know I can trust
He can rot in 2000 (whatever) like the rest of us

Spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam
(gradually get louder and repeat 3 times)
Glorious spam, oh wonderful spam!

OK, let's see.
I've got a message from my mother, my cousin, Dave, and spam.
Spam, my sister, Traci, and spam.
Spam, spam, spam, Luke Ski's newsletter, and spam.
Spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, some
stupid crap from my boss, and spam.
Spam, spam, spam, oh look, somebody bought an album, and spam.
Spam, spam, spam...
(build chorus in background)
Glorious spam, oh wonderful spam!

Lyrics submitted by JohnnyLurg

Spam song meanings
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