"Comic Relief" as written by and Bette Midler....
Oh God, Oh God, life is real life
Is when you wanna sing Polly-Wally-Doodle all the day,
Well you know, I may well be a sequel to Jaws,
In which a shark is attacked by a great white woman,
Actually I'm not going to do the sequel to Jaws at all,
I'm making the sequel to 'Emanuelle',
I call it 'Temple Emanuelle'. Actually it's not dirty at all,
It's just a lot of kissing and mezzuzas.
And er, one singular sub-plot,
In which a woman who has an un-natural relationship with a Kreplach.
I know there must be one or two of you out there,
Who haven't got the vaguest idea what the hell is a Kreplach,
And to both of you I say,
A Kreplach is a person from Kreplachia,
Which is a very small fishing nation wedged between Estonia and Latvia,
You don't hear from them too much since the iron curtain fell!
But every now and again, one or two Kreplach's manage to escape
But never to Cleveland!

Not true!

There we have one Kreplach.
Who one Kreplach that managed to get to Cleveland!
In fact, I venture to say that was the Kreplach that ate Cleveland!
Are you sure!?
No, Belle Barth used to say:
'Shut your hole honey, mines making money!'
Ooh, she didn't say that!
I never said that,
I didn't say that,
I never said that!

Oh did you hear the news!?
You haven't heard the news,
I must tell you the news,
I am the harbinger of news here.
I slept with Jack Kennedy

You wanna know what else!?
They slept with Jack Kennedy!
Talk about your bad pigs! Really.

Oh, I'm sorry Girls.
Oh my God,
Oh God,
Oh God,
Oh God,
Oh God,
Oh God,
Oh God,

Please forgive me everyone!
Please forgive me!
Just a little yolk,
Fuck 'em if they can't take a joke!

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"Comic Relief" as written by Bette Midler

Lyrics © Warner/Chappell Music, Inc.

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