I've travelled this old world of ours from Barnsley to Peru
I've had sunshine in the arctic and a swim in Tinbuktu
I've seen unicorns in Burma and a Yetti in Nepal
And I've danced with ten foot pygmies in a Montezuma hall
I've met the King of China and a working Yorkshire miner

But I've never met a nice South African.
No he's never met a nice South African
And that's not bloody surprising man
'Cause we're a bunch of arrogant bastards
Who hate black people

I once got served in Woolies aften less than four week's wait
I had lunch with Rowan Atkinson when he paid and wasn't late
I know a public swimming bath where they don't piss in the pool
I know a guy who got a job straight after leaving school
I've met a normal merman and a fairly modest German

But I've never met a nice South African.
No he's never met a nice South African
And that's not bloody surprising man
'Cause we're a bunch of talentless murderers
Who smell like baboons

I've had a close encounter of the twenty-second kind
That's when an alien spaceship disappears up your behind
I got directory enquiries after less than forty rings
I've even heard a decent song by Paul McCartney's Wings
I've seen a flying pig in a quite convincing wig

But I've never met a nice South African.
No he's never met a nice South African
And that's not bloody surprising man
'Cause we're a bunch of ignorant loudmouths
With no sense of humour

I've met the Loch Ness monster and he looks like Fred Astaire
At the BBC in London he's the chief commissionaire
I know a place in Glasgow which is rife with daffodillies
I met a man in Katmandu who claimed to have two willies
I've had a nice pot noodle but I've never had a poodle

And I've never met a nice South African.
No he's never met a nice South African
And that's not bloody surprising man
Because we've never met one either
Except for Breyten Breytenbach and he's emigrated to Paris.
Yes he's quite a nice South African
And he's hardly ever killed anyone
And he's not smelly at all.
That's why they put him prison.


Lyrics submitted by sepultura1987

Never Met A Nice South African song meanings
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  • 0
    General Comment"I've Never Met a Nice South African" is a satirical song originating in a sketch on the British television series Spitting Image. It was written by John Lloyd and Peter Brewis and was sung by Andy Roberts. In 1986 it was commercially released as the B-side of the chart-topping "The Chicken Song". When the song was recorded, South Africa was considered a pariah state because of the apartheid regime that was in power. Spitting Image's take was characteristically savage; the song contains lyrics which whites in South Africa may find offensive.
    The song is narrated in the music video by a seasoned expat traveller who describes his unlikely experiences to a bartender (who bears an uncanny resemblance to Lord Lucan). He has met the Loch Ness Monster, had a close encounter ('of the 22nd kind, That's when an alien spaceship, Disappears up your behind!'), seen unicorns in Burma, met a working Yorkshire miner and had sunstroke in the Arctic, but despite all these exotic experiences, he has never met a nice South African. The lyrics bluntly describe white South Africans in a variety of insulting ways, such as 'arrogant bastards who hate black people', 'ignorant loud-mouths with no sense of humour' and 'talentless murderers who smell like baboons'. The chorus is sung by a number of gun-toting white South Africans, out on safari wearing Springbok jerseys. As the song progresses, dead animals are piled up on their jeep and the barman becomes ever sleepier before collapsing on the floor.
    In the closing verse, the South African chorus names writer and anti-apartheid activist Breyten Breytenbach, exceptionally, as "quite a nice South African" and say "that's why we put him in prison". At the time Breytenbach had, as the song points out, been living in exile in Paris and had been previously imprisoned by the South African regime due to his mixed marriage.
    sepultura1987on May 01, 2011   Link
  • 0
    General CommentThis song does seem extremely harsh and racist, even given the context of the time. However, every South African I know who has heard this it (all white FWIW) thought it was hilrious.
    Rommieon June 19, 2011   Link

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